A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Helo my beloved dearcupid aunts and uncles, i am a guy and i have a female friend. When she come back from vacation, she came with her bf and they are staying together for some days. I didn't call her since she is with her bf together because i don't want to feel awkward. She is angry at me for not calling her. But i told her that since she is with her bf, her bf may not like me calling her. Is it good idea to call her when she is with her bf? I was thinking it is not a good idea. Please share your opinions. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 April 2017):
 Honestly she craves the attention from you, if she wanted to be with you she would. She sounds like a girl to avoid. She wants the drama in her life, she wants her boyfriend to think she has other attention from other men. Don't get caught up in it, block her number if it comes to it. She is playing a dangerous game.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2017): You are very respectful and are taking the proper steps. I would do the same being in your position. I hope you are able to find someone for yourself, able to reciprocate your feelings.
You seem like a very kind and gentle soul, and loyal to the end. It's important to guard your feelings, and not to allow anyone to manipulate you by taking advantage of your affection for them. She is fully aware of how you feel, and not allowing you to move forward. Be strong and do what is best for you.
Her anger comes from her since of entitlement and immaturity. She should focus on her relationship; and you have to get on with your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everybody for your valuable opinions. Dear wiseowL, our relationship is purely platonic and she old him about us. We have not met but he knows about me. your gut feeling is right, in the beginning there was no feelings involved. But as time passes, i am afraid feelings have started to appear in both of us, and i told her that our relation should be limited to being freinds. so i want to get the hell out of her life. But she seems to be mad that i am avoiding her and not calling her. I told her that if some guy keep calling my girl, i will not appreciate that. So he'll feel the same. And in fact i've decided to distance myself from her. Of course i'll talk to her when we meet on the way by chance, but no phone calls or frequent texting other than simple hi hello. I also told her that when relation is going well, there will be no problem but when someone wants to break up, he'll find even the slightest mistake and blame you and will break up blaming you. I don't want to be the reason for your break up. There is no future between us(please don't ask why), so i don't want to give her the false hope that i'll be there for her when the bad time comes. So for the sake of her future i don't want to be involved in this web. At the same time i don't want to depart on bad terms, i don't want her to get mad or angry at me. But she is mad at my change and says his bf is not the cheap kind, he is understanding. What kind of friend am i, who ignore his friend. She'll never talk to me again if that is what i want .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2017): Let her spend time with her boyfriend. Why hasn't she introduced the two of you? If she doesn't want him to know about you; then she's being a player, and taking advantage of your affection for her.
Is your relationship with her purely platonic; or are you a poor love-struck fool caught-up in an infatuation? Are you the man who fills in when her boyfriend isn't there? You're likely to get your head bashed in! Otherwise; why should you feel awkward?
If she was your girlfriend; would you want men you didn't know, and have never met, calling her while you're together?
If things are on the up and up between you and your lady-friend; her boyfriend would/should know you, and what kind of connection you have to his girlfriend.
He probably wouldn't mind you texting hello; or leaving some benign greeting or generic message. I don't think he'd appreciate frequent messaging to his girlfriend while they're spending time together. If you were in his shoes, would you?
If you're too emotionally involved; it's best you leave them alone. Go find your own woman. Let her get mad, and get over it.
Why do I have this gut feeling you've got feelings for this lady other than just friendly-feelings?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2017): Are you the MISTER-ess?
Listen, she has a boyfriend.
Move on already.
What a tangled web you are allowing yourself to get caught up in.
There are plenty of women in the world to date.
She is not one of them.
She is just playing you.
She HAS a boyfriend. If she liked you that way, she would be ditching him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 March 2017):
 I think you are being a good friend and respectful of her relationship and I agree that if she is supposedly spending time with her BF, HE should be the focus.
I agree with anon, sounds like she wants to make her BF jealous or keep him on his toes by having you call her.
However, if he KNOWS about you, I don't see how sending a text or a short call to see how she has been enjoying her vacation, is a bad thing.
I also agree that maybe you need to spend more time with friends who doesn't have a partner or male friends you can hang out with, have a life so you don't just orbit a girl who is already spoken for.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2017): I think she is most unreasonable to be angry with you. If she cared about her boyfriend she would not want to impose this tension on her relationship. Of course her boyfriend is going to ask, "what does he mean to her"
Is she just trying to make her existing BF jealous?
Stay out of her game playing and get out and enjoy life.
She sounds decidedly immature.
Go find some other activities and some new friends and leave her to her BF.
If she does have a crush on you then why is she still with her BF?
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