A
female
age
36-40,
*inkerbelluk
writes:My boyfriend of one year has just broken up with me and I'm devastated. It was completely out of the blue so I'm still in shock.Up until very recently things were going really well, we were crazy about each other.He started a really intense college course last month and he works full time. This has really taken its toll, as he finds the course quite difficult and he has hardly any time to study. He's been quite down lately and nothing I could do could lift him out of it. So tonight he came over and told me he doesn't think its fair to lead me on, he cant spend any time with me until his exams (in three months) and that college is taking up 99% of his thoughts because he's scared he'll fail.I said I'd support him and was willing to take a break until his exams are over, but he said his head is messed up and he doesn't know if he loves me (he told me he did a few months ago but now he's forgotten that he said it!), but that he cares for me a lot and felt sick at the thought of hurting me. He was crying as he said this and I've never seen him cry before.At first we said we'd said we'd give each other space until the exams, then see how we feel. But the more we talked, the more he seemed to think it wouldn't work (we have very different interests and at first this seemed like a good thing, but now he feels like it makes us uncompatable).I love him and I know he loved me, I just dont understand how those feelings have suddenly disappeared. At one point he said he felt like he was having a meltdown and he couldn't believe he nearly broke up with me, but in the end he said we weren't right for each other and it was best if we ended it.I dont know if this is really the end or if we can get through it? We were so happy together, could this just be a rough patch?I'm sitting here crying as I write this, I cant believe its happened. How can I save our relationship?
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female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (6 April 2008):
 There is nothing you can do on your part. He may be having a meltdown and confused right now. It's all on him. Give him his space. The feelings didnt disappear. He obviously loves you to some degree to cry over the prospect of hurting you. What I would do is give him time. Talk as often as you can, just checking up on him and how he is doing, dont pressure him or ask about the state of your relationship. It may all just be stress, in which case he could get over it in time. But you just have to wait to find out.
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