A
female
age
41-50,
*onfused Female!
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 3 yrs. He has been in college for the past year and has 1 more year to go and it has been stressful on the relationship with his very busy schedule. I love him dearly and up until now I thought he felt the same. I tend to over-analyze and drive myself crazy so I dont know if Im crazy or if my worries have any truth. He has recently told me that he needs to just focus on school and thats his priority right now. He seems very detatched and only shows passion for school. Is it possible for him to still be in love with me even though he is putting all of his effort and time into school? Or could this mean that he's lost interest in me? All he thinks about when we spend time together is that he should be studying(and we only see each other once a week)We've talked about it and he assures me that he does love me but I don't feel the same love from him like before. Is it really possible to be in love with someone but put all your energy into something else? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Confused Female! +, writes (26 September 2007):
Confused Female! is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHI, thanks everyonee for trying to help
To respond, one previous person wrote to that once or twice a week is good, that what we've been doing for the past year and its been fine for me but now he says we cant see each other at all! Even for a few hours a week! I dont think that is fair. I am wrong??
I want to be able to still feel the same way about him after all of this is done and Im afraid I wont because this just hurts me so bad and makes me wonder how can he do this to me. I just feel deep in my heart that couples stick together and be strong for each other, not do the opposite, when its gets tough just put the other one on hold.
He says he'd rather have a good conversation with me every couple of days rather than talk all of the time, I dont know if I have it in me to have a good conversation when I feel this is wrong, you have to be happy to have a good conversation with someone.
I guess that only time will tell, Ill just havae to start going throught it and see what happens.
A
female
reader, samohir  +, writes (26 September 2007):
 yes it is possible and even happens! My bf has the same impression, but when study i get so difocused myself if spending much time out adn with somebody, especily if one has strict deadlines like me!
I do love him, but once-twice a week is enought to show it.I mean , you dont have to be with someone EVERYDAY to show you love and care. The deep emotional ties has nothing to do the amount of time spending. Dont push on him,he might find u guilty and will fell depressed probably if falls the exam. Once the exam are passeth, plenty of time for u both to share and enjoy:)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): I know that when I was trying to work on my master's my relationship was last on the list. But my relationship started on my second semester.
Maybe he is like me and has a hard time concentrating. I truly believe it's nothing personal although it hurts you.
If he is in his late twenties like you (or older) you have to understand this is more serious for him. It is more difficult for older people to get through college. Or at least we are a lot more demanding with ourselves than teenagers.
This is a goal he has set for himself and he will feel like B. S. if he doesn't achieve it or if he just slides by with average grades.
I think this was just bad timing for both of you. It's not fair for you to wait for him so I say forget him and move on with your life. Of course it is easier to say. At least he was sincere with you. He noticed he just can't give you the quality time you deserve, so I think you should be mature about this and leave him alone.
Get on with your life and fall in love again if you can (Don't wait for him) But maybe you will find each other in the future and get back together. I truly believe he'll eventually look for you.
Hey at least he is just cheating with books
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A
female
reader, needs2know +, writes (26 September 2007):
 No he probably isnt fine with that. I know when my guy is in school thats it.. Its like he is having an affair with his school work. If you boyfriend is stubborn like mine thats what he needs to work on. And anything and make them go crazy, any kind of distraction. Just give him that space let him know that you are there and love him. Of course its all that time stuff.. Time will take place. Sigh and this is something i guess im really telling myself too..
Goodluck! Stay strong and what will be will be
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A
female
reader, Confused Female! +, writes (26 September 2007):
Confused Female! is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Leanne for your advice. I actually just got back from having a talk with my boyfriend and he now says that he needs us to just take a break for a the next few months, maybe even longer. He says he neeeds the break from our relationship because he can't have any distractions. I feel so hurt and devistated, I feel like if your truly in love with someone than how can they bare to be without you??? It's not even like I'm super needy or called him many times a day. I feel that no matter what circumstances I was under that I could never let him go. This is making me doubt if he truly deep down in his heart nows what love is. I thougth that when two people truly love eahc other that they would do anything to work with the circumstances given. Can he really love me if he is able to let me go and be just fine with it???
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A
female
reader, needs2know +, writes (25 September 2007):
Hi,
I am going through the same thing, and its soo stressful. I my boyfriend is so up and down that I dont know what to think. I actually just put a post up about my situation and i hope i get some help about it too! Just so you know I understand where you are and I am in the same boat. So hopefully we can talk about how things are changing/ or maybe not (i hope its not that one). Either way it will work out.
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A
female
reader, leanne.od  +, writes (25 September 2007):
 yes and he is being honest with you so you don't become insecure. his head and mind need to focus on his studying and schoolwork because he wants to get good results at the end of it.
be patient and when the sturdying ends, he'll devote his time back to you.
best of luck
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