A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please help..me and my boyfriend were together for 11 months. he jumped right out of a bad 2 year relationship with his ex (in which they had broken up several times..got back together..twards the end she wouldnt really let the break up happen..kept talking to him..basically they were constantly getting back together.)and when he started talking to me (we graduated highschool together, he had a crush on me when we graduated and over the years kept trying to meet up for coffee and stuff...even while he was with her!) but when he started talking to me..he had broken up with her but they were still hanging out and all..but the relationship was pretty much over for him. when i came along i didnt want to get involved even if they were over..because they were still hanging out..but he left her and cut ties to be with me. cause A LOT of problems in the begining of our relationship..i guess as suspected it would.finally we moved passed all the issues and we were building a relationship. at our 6 month point he started shying away. he boke up with me..then 3 days later called me and asked to get together..then told me he thought about it and wanted to give it another shot.2 months passed and things were good. but eventually he started shying away again. not wanting to meet up to hang out after work, he would just sit home by himself doing his own thing instead..granted we would hang out every day...before work and after usually (i was never a believer in being together all the time..i always felt it ruins things in the long run..but this is my first relationship and he has always been the type to love being together all the time..all of his relationships went that way..so i just followed along). basically when he shyed away again he eventually broke up with me again at our 9 month point..this time saying that he wasnt ready for a relationship right now..had too much going on in his life..maybe in a couple months he might feel different and we could give it another shot. he still wanted to be friends and hang out..but not all the time. he would still talk to me..not a lot..but eventually would call..then asked to hang out..then we were back together. and things were going good again for a while.now just recently at our 11 month point he started shying away again..its like 1 day and one week hes fine..loving, kissing me, liking spending time with me..then the next hes doing his own thing hanging out by himself and not wanting to spend time with me. i understand if he needs his space..i feel that maybe we should have been taking more time to ourselves during our relationship so he wouldnt get into these moods...but anyway at our 11 month point he started shying away again...and sure enough..ended things again. this time saying "its just not there anymore" and he definitely does want to break up. last time he was saying..for now this is what he wants...this time he didnt really say much about the future..just and i dont know to the never coming back question. saying he cant tell the future, only the present..and its telling him now that he doesnt want a relationship. he said he doesnt want a relationship anymore. he jumped out of a longg two year relationship of constant fighting and things feel the same as if he never left..he had said once in the past that if he had taken 6 months or so to do out, have fun, and then we got together then things might be differnt but it all feels the same to him.he said after saying what he did about the two year relationship that he just needs to be free right now..for a while. he wants his space, and he doesnt want a relationship.i understand how he feels. i understand what he needs, i understand that he needs time to himself..of no relationship. but does this mean that we cut all ties? is that what hes going to need? i want to be with him still..im hoping we can get back together. but im not sure...what are you guys thoughts on this?he was talking to me for the first few days...and calling me regularly..and then he just stopped. he hasnt talked to me in like 4 or 5 days. makes no effor to talk to me. is it really over this time? should i just give him space and leave him alone? should i talk to him?i miss him. i hate that this is how things are..what do you think?
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broke up, crush, get back together, his ex, kissing, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hubbie  +, writes (9 December 2009):
 your situation is quite closer with mine, yes it is really hard to say no, hard to accept of just letting him go because he need space, but y0u have to do it. if you really l0ve him set him free, and if he is really meant for u. then he will be yours. u know what it will be good for you believe me, maybe now u can't see because u are hurted thats why u wont be able to understand what i am saying, just try to take a sit and reconnect in yourself for once.... i believe that only time will mend a broken heart. give him a space..... give a chance for both you to know what u really need...never be sad for what is over,just be glad that it was once yours!
cheer!!!!!! move on! i know u will find the true happiness someday.....
A
female
reader, hubbie +, writes (9 December 2009):
your situation is quite closer with mine, yes it is really hard to say no, hard to accept of just letting him go because he need space, but y0u have to do it. if you really l0ve him set him free, and if he is really meant for u. then he will be yours. u know what it will be good for you believe me, maybe now u can't see because u are hurted thats why u wont be able to understand what i am saying, just try to take a sit and reconnect in yourself for once.... i believe that only time will mend a broken heart. give him a space..... give a chance for both you to know what u really need...never be sad for what is over,just be glad that it was once yours! cheer!!!!!! move on! i know u will find the true happiness someday.....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): OMG gurl, I'm in the EXACT same situation.Been with my ex fella for about 8 months now, and about three times he's said to me 'Emma I don't want a girlfriend now' so I've said okay have a nice life and not contacted him, then three days later he's back crawling on his hands and knees to be with me.Just last Thursday he did the same thing. Said he didn't want the commitment of a girlfriend right now, so we said our goodbyes and off he went.I was upset obviously, because I thought there was no way he would be coming back this time.BUT I didn't speak to him for 4 or 5 days, and now he's poking me on facebook and texting me and calling me and I said NO.Yes it hurts to say no, but you HAVE to do it.He's playing games, and trust me, the sooner you're out of it the better you will feel.. not being this guy's bit on the side that he can just pick up and drop whenever he feels like it.Trust me honey, I've been there and done that.And I've decided I no longer want him in my life.I miss him, and my heads full of memories of me and him, but it cannot carry on like this, so don't let him keep doing it to you, because I know how painful it is.A relationship involves two people... what about what YOU want? Surely you want a man who's here to stay with you and can appreciate you and cherish you!Delete his facebook, e-mail address, mobile number, everything.And just take with you everything that you've learned from the relationship, and the happy memories.He will come crawling back, but you have to be strong enough to say no.Good luck x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 December 2009):
This guy has serious problems. He can't make one relationship work, then he jumps into another one with you and he can't make that work either. He was never over his ex when he came to you, so it would never have worked. There are other guys out there who can commit. Don't be on a string for the rest of your life where he can just call on you. End it with him. Yes, it will hurt a lot, but it's better than being second best with a guy who has commitment issues. Cut contact, forget him and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): Why in the world would you want to get back together with this guy? He's broken up with his ex multiple times, and now he's doing it to YOU! This guy is messed up and/or had no idea what he wants. You need to stop being his yo-yo and cut the string! Don't let him keep hurting you. Go find someone who REALLY wants to be with you.
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