A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 months officially and we've known each other for a little over 2 years. We stupidly used the "pull out" method for a while and I no longer want to take the risk. He hates condoms and wants me to get on birth control. I don't mind the pill (I've been on it before with no issues) but there's a part of me that wants to be extra safe. I'm 21, I've never been pregnant, I've never had an STD, and I don't wanna mess that up. I feel like first I was talked into not using a condom and letting him pull out, THEN he's trying to talk me into getting on birth control just so he doesn't have to use a condom, and to take it one step further, he wants to ejaculate inside of me if I'm on birth control.At this point its not about the "mess" I have to clean up after finishing in me...thats not a problem. Its not about me taking a pill everyday, I don't mind that either. Its just the fact that I feel like I'm being bullied into all these things that benefit HIM. He'll get to NOT use a condom, feel all kinds of pleasure, AND finish inside of me...meanwhile I'll get to take a pill everyday, and feel uncomfortable because I gave into ALL of this to please him.I've always wanted to wait for SOME stuff till marriage, and that includes him being able to ejaculate in me. On one hand, I feel that if I already let him have sex with me b4, with no condom (even tho it bothers me), why should he be bugging me to let him *** IN me too? Why can't he just take what he can get?On the other hand, I feel like I already allowed him to do it without a condom, so its unfair for me to take it away now...Am I wrong to ask him to wait? Its not that I'm withholding sex, I just want the man to use a damn condom! If I'm worth it he'll do it, right?
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bullied, condom, ejaculate, std, the pill Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you sooo much 4 all for your responses...I feel SO much better now. I don't have many people I can talk to about this and anyone I do talk to thinks im being unreasonable. (They are also the ones who have had STD's and pregnancies before, go figure.)
I just wanted to make it clear that yes I do plan to marry this guy and actually HE'S the one who always talks about marriage, but we're only 21 and I'm not ready YET. I think the reason it bothers him so much is the fact that if he could marry me soon, he would...so he doesn't see why the "trust" isn't there I guess??? But I talked to him about it and he doesn't like it but it wasn't a deal breaker. He said he'll use condoms and try to get over it. I feel good for finally standing my ground on something :) Thanks guys(and gals)
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): As a girl who takes birth control and have sex without condoms with my boyfriend, I understand how you feel. I understand the feeling you get of being terrified because you might get pregnant and I feel like being safe when having sex is all up to me. If you don't feel comfortable having sex with out condoms then don't feel guilty telling your boyfriend that you don't want to. If he loves you he will try to understand.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 February 2011):
As Cerberus says - your body, your choice. I think you need to pay attention to the fact that this guy's only really interested in ejaculating inside you, and little else. Seems to me like he's only with you for that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): Damn it! *Your
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): You're body you're choice, end of story. No condom, no nookie OP. Seriously if he won't wear one then he's not the guy for you.
Does sex feel better for us guys when we can cum inside, yeah it does, would I stop having sex because my girlfriend wanted to use condoms again, no I wouldn't. OP I've been with my girlfriend 5 years, we've been having sex without condoms for 4 1/2 of those years. If she asked me start wearing condoms tomorrow I'd do it without a problem.
If he's the type of guy that is going to demand that you have sex without them, if he tries to emotionally blackmail you or if he starts to sulk then he's being an ass. Don't have sex without a condom anymore if you don't want to. it's the safest and best way for you because as you said you want to keep some things for your husband and well done for that because I can tell you, your future husband will be really glad that you did.
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female
reader, Battista +, writes (21 February 2011):
I don't think it's about being fair or unfair. It's about being sensible. As you say, the pull out method is not sensible whatsoever and carries the risk of pregnancy and STDs.
Ideally I would suggest that you take the pill and he uses a condom. This way you have good protection and needn't worry to the extent that you are doing pretty much all you can.
Does he say why he doesn't want to use a condom at all? He is being unreasonable to say that he refuses to use them. I would say that the best thing is to share the responsibility here which is "fair" on both of you if you are concerned with that sort of thing. I wouldn't worry about not having used protection before but wanting to now- it just shows that you are becoming more mature, and that's a good thing. Moreover, if he can't see this then he is being a bit of an idiot.
By the way, are you intending to marry this guy? This is the impression I am getting when you say that you want him to wait for certain things. I think you should make this clear to him if you haven't already.
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A
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reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (21 February 2011):
You're not wrong to ask him to wait as it's your body and if he doesn't like it then that's his problem and he can go find a different girlfriend who is willing to do what he wants.
He wants the full-on sex and I can't blame him in truth, but it has to be with the agreement of both of you and that you're happy with the situation, which you are not.
You allowing him to have sex with you using the "pull out" method though is sort of like dangling the carrot in front of a donkey and he is bound to want more, when you want to pull it away.
But there is one very important thing here that I don't think you have addressed.
The "pull out method" is a dangerous game because pre-cum can be enough to get you pregnant. It doesn't just have to be when he ejaculates inside you, it can be from the pre-cum that's seeping out while you're having sex.
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