A
female
age
51-59,
*eeNee45
writes:Okay, so...I became a stay at home mom 3 yrs ago when I was laid off from my O and G project accounting position due to the market. We have 8 and 5 yr old girls, both in school full-time. During this time, my husband also received a layoff and was out of work for almost 6 months. Thankfully he was given a very good severance package that kept us going until he went back to work. He now works for an insurance broker out of our home; however, he is responsible for creating new business in a market this Company has no prior experience with. He is paid a good salary, but we are finding we are struggling financially. Anyway, he wants me to go back to work...fulltime. I have nothing against working; however, fulltime does not make sense to me. I would prefer to be working from home, being available to kids and just keeping the household running without adding additional costs like before and after school care or highering a housekeeper. Do you think it is realistic for him to expect me to work full-time? I think my exhaustion and frustrations would only increase. He helps at home, but not with cooking during the week or cleaning. I would have to change my kid's activities that have already been established. Our oldest daughter may be moving schools next year and that then would mean having to have before and after school care at 2 different locations. I know he has not considered that. I also know he is not realizing that I would have to leave the house early and then he would be responsible to get the girls to the bus. There is no guarantee of earning my past income. He needs the flexibility to meet up with potential clients. I also have no idea what kind of work to do from home...I am considering bookkeeping or becoming a scopist (editor for court reporters). However, because he also believes you should not start a new career in your 40s, I struggle and have resentment about what to do. Do I go back to 40 hrs a week for him and our finances or work at pursuing something from home? Sorry for the long query.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2018): I for one think it is beneficial for everyone involved, especially the kids, if you can be a little more available and a little less exhausted. It depends what the work is of course- some jobs are more demanding than others. But I think working part-time but also saving expenses of before and after care for kids is probably a good option. You should sit down and go through the finances. If you HAVE to work full time, well there isn't much choice, but if it's just something your husband prefers, maybe he can be talked into letting you just do part time.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2018): The problem here seems to be that he expects more from you than he does of himself . He wants you both to work full time but then on top of that he expects you to do the lions share of housework cooking cleaning etc.
how is that possible fair ?
This is a pretty typical problem in the world today where statics show that even women who work the same number of hours as their husbands are doing way more hoursnon unpaid home duties and it's nothing but sexism and a disrespect for women
Tell him yes it's fine you will go back to work full time but he WILL do 50 percent EVERY SINGLE day
If he is prepared to put in the hard yards then of course you will too but none of this double standard male priveldge rubbish
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2018): To be honest, unless you're self-employed, there aren't many work-from-home jobs out there. Some allow you to work remotely from home; but expect those to be few and far-between.
Not earning enough, is as bad as not earning anything at all. Yes, you would be tired. You'll both have to help each other. Earning practically nothing part-time isn't worth the trouble. Starting-out, you may take a pay-cut from what you used to earn. That's a reality these days. Then that only means full-time is a necessity, not an option.
You can sign-up with a temporary job-placement service for the professionally-skilled. Specializing in accounting, finance, and business-administration.
They can often place you in specifically-tailored job-assignments that have the hours you need, and can use your particular skills. You should always seek the option of full-time employment; and it just may come to requiring a sitter or daycare for a few hours.
Necessity dictates. You need an extra income; and it seems your husband is convinced that it would take another full-time job to meet the needs of your family. I don't think he'd insist on that; unless the pressure was getting too much for him alone.
Seek what you can get for the moment; and it will give you an opportunity to figure how to work things out. You're limiting and scaring yourself with too many what-if's!
Your family requires you to go to work. Make some temporary arrangements that are feasible for someone to be with the girls. Iron-out the details once you find a job. You'll have an extra income to decide what you can and can't afford; and you might talk to other working women you know with kids.
I think this comes from the anxiety of leaving the home after a long absence from the workplace. You need your self-confidence back; and you fear your skills are outdated or you've gone rusty. Hon, once you put yourself back into it; you'll get-over all the hurdles. Your family is your motivation. Fear not!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2018): If you’re both working full time then you’ll have to split children & house duties 50-50. I hope you discussed this with him and I hope he doesn’t expect you to keep doing what you’re doing AND work an extra 40 hours a week. If you two are struggling then you’ll need to help out financial and HE we’ll need to help out with your current tasks. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (25 January 2018):
 For what it's worth, my parents both worked full time when I was young. I stayed at a childminder's in the morning and at an after school club until my mum could pick us up. We were happy, healthy kids with no issues because of that.
OP, I know it's tricky, but sometimes we just need to get on with things, when circumstances change.
Your husband needs to do his fair share of the housework and parenting, the same way your family needs your contribution to finances to the fullest extent you can.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (25 January 2018):
Most people have to work full time. You've been a stay at home parent for a while, so it's understandable that you've settled into that lifestyle, but your children aren't babies or toddlers any more and needs must. You need more financial stability, so you "must" work full time.Find a full time job out of the home and you can keep looking for one that has you working from home.I'm not saying you're lazy or selfish, as parenting isn't easy, but your family NEEDS you to do more than work from home or work part time and it's because you've settled into not working outside of the home that you know want to avoid doing it.You need to sit down with him and say "I will only be able to work from home if we establish chore sharing and how to fit in the children's necessary activities". Sometimes we get used to a lifestyle and it has to change, like dropping one or two of the children's activities and doing the chores less frequently, when necessary.Finances aren't negotiable. Your family needs the money. You need to do your part in earning it. That said, your husband needs to do his part in maintaining the home and parenting.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2018): I agree with Denizen. It's just a question of how much you need to earn, not what you would actually have to do.So before you talk to him seriously about this, it would be good if you had some sort of a plan already. Something that suits you, while allowing you to earn enough.Make a list of priorities: earning potential, work from home... and a list of potential jobs and see what is realistic.Once you are clear on this it will be easier for you to present it to your husband. Also, he has to be informed, at least! , about all the things that have to be done daily at home and for your children in order for your family to function.I do not insist on the fact that he must at all cost right now take on 50% of everything home and family related, BUT it would better for you if he knew how much time and energy you invests in something he should be taking a part in. Otherwise he will take it for granted.I speak from experience. At some point my husband was resentful because I found a job I could do from home, that was not as well paid as his, while he had to go to the office, do something he hated with people that he didn't like. What he failed to see, because I wasn't showing it clearly, that at the same time I was a cook and his cleaning lady. Basically, he would just come home, eat, sleep... I was constantly tired and since I worked from home, I had an impression nthat my work is never done.Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (25 January 2018):
 The crux of your problem is income. It doesn't matter whether you work part time, work full time, or work from home full or part time, You just need to maximise your earning potential.
Many people start afresh at your age. There is a whole industry dedicated to helping professional people get back into work, doing something they enjoy. It is called outplacement. I am sure you can find something on the internet.
Remember you aren't going back to work for your husband but your for your family. Your choices of bookkeeping or scopist seem realistic and doable. Take the next step. Get an interview. It doesn't commit you.
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