| A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm going to try and make a long story short, or at least as short as possible, so bare with me.I moved to Alabama a year ago last June. I moved my entire life from Georgia, to chase love. Quit my job, left my friends, my home, my comfort zone - everything - to be with this girl. And when I got to Alabama, she broke up with me a month later and began dating her ex again. I was heart-broken at first, living in a completely unfamiliar place, and having no support group. I eventually made friends, dated other girls casually, and got comfortable here. Well, a year later, she breaks up with her ex, and comes pleading back to me that she'd made a mistake. I had moved on, but for some reason, I let her back in. So one night, I went over to her house, and I pretty much just never went home. I moved in, and in the process, I turned off all utilities in my apartment, and my roommate who had moved out a couple of months earlier had taken all of her belongings out of the apartment when she left. So in other words, my apartment is empty and dark.Well, a week ago, I began talking to my ex again. A girl I had dated for 3 years back in college. She was my first love. We re-connected with each other and I realized that I feel like I'm still in love with her, and she never moved on either. I want to be with her, but she's living in Georgia still, and is about to move to Florida for graduate school in the fall. I guess my point is that I feel completely lost on what to do from here. I don't really have a home, so if I break up with my current girlfriend, where do I go? And also, is it rational to end the current relationship I'm in, for the girl I'm still in love with? Because I don't know if we can be together anyway. I'm just lost on what to do. I feel completely trapped.
View related questions:
broke up, her ex, moved in, moved out, my ex, roommate, trapped Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 Hi, It may be that, you really need to stand down, as they say, and give yourself some space from both these women.
It seems to me that there is something missing, in the curent relationship that you are in perhaps, or just maybe, you do not know what you want, until your don't have it. When your current girl left, you were pinning for her, when she came back and you made contact with your old girlfriend, now you feel you want her. Let's just stop, and think about this. If you moved on from the one you supposedly want now, then you would have been satisfied with your current girfriend. This may be the case, that you didn't have closure with the first girlfriend. But, I am of the opinion, I might be wrong, but, it's somewhat like the grass is greener on the other side sort of thing. If you care about someone and you enter into a relationship, you should be willing to commit to that relationship, and try to make it work. If however, you fall out of love with that person, then you must evaluate, is it fair to that person or to yourself, to stay in that relationship, under false pretenses. Are you only wanting someone, because of the thrill of having them back, then you get bored and you want to try another game? This is your life, you have to decide what you want to do, be careful though, as you might end up without anyone. A little maturity has to enter into the picture, or else you will be going from pillar to post, without knowing who it is you really, deep down care for.
One test I have heard of, that may work for you, of the two women you are considering, which of them would you be totally freaked out about, if they were to never, ever be a part of your life again. If you can answer this question, maybe it will help you with your decision. Good luck to you in the future. By the way, are you still maintaining the empty apartment, if so, couldn't you go there until you sort all of this out? Take care. Stay in touch.
A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (4 July 2008):
Hi, It may be that, you really need to stand down, as they say, and give yourself some space from both these women.
It seems to me that there is something missing, in the curent relationship that you are in perhaps, or just maybe, you do not know what you want, until your don't have it. When your current girl left, you were pinning for her, when she came back and you made contact with your old girlfriend, now you feel you want her. Let's just stop, and think about this. If you moved on from the one you supposedly want now, then you would have been satisfied with your current girfriend. This may be the case, that you didn't have closure with the first girlfriend. But, I am of the opinion, I might be wrong, but, it's somewhat like the grass is greener on the other side sort of thing. If you care about someone and you enter into a relationship, you should be willing to commit to that relationship, and try to make it work. If however, you fall out of love with that person, then you must evaluate, is it fair to that person or to yourself, to stay in that relationship, under false pretenses. Are you only wanting someone, because of the thrill of having them back, then you get bored and you want to try another game? This is your life, you have to decide what you want to do, be careful though, as you might end up without anyone. A little maturity has to enter into the picture, or else you will be going from pillar to post, without knowing who it is you really, deep down care for.
One test I have heard of, that may work for you, of the two women you are considering, which of them would you be totally freaked out about, if they were to never, ever be a part of your life again. If you can answer this question, maybe it will help you with your decision. Good luck to you in the future. By the way, are you still maintaining the empty apartment, if so, couldn't you go there until you sort all of this out? Take care. Stay in touch.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): No, it is not rational. But who says it has to be. You are young, enjoy the confused state of mind called LOVE. Later, you will make your rational decision to marry the right person, and you will be there for the rest of your life. It really does not matter what you do, next. Just don't get anyone pregnant. ...and don't get married until 35...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): In the words of someone much wiser than my self "It is much better to have loved and lost, than to never loves at all!" So go for Buck-O!! What have youo to loose. Your young, and assume goodlooking, with a education. You can make a life for yourself anywhere. Besides, it's not fair to your currnet girlfriend, for you to be pinning away for a lost love while sleeping in her bed. Take the chance Buddy Ruff.....You have a opertunity most will never have. Good Luck, and I'll be praying for you!!!
...............................
|
