A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, here's my story;The guy i am talking about in this was my first serious boyfriend and first love and took each others virginity etc. We dated since our early teens but broke up after 3 years, after 2 year separation we got back together and have been back together for nearly a year.However, in the two years we were apart i slept with two other men (relationships, actually was more about me being confused, those of which i now regret). Anyway my guy now didn't sleep with anyone during our separation although he did go with a lot of girls. He hasn't been able to move past that i have slept with other people. He says it also makes it worse that this guy was a good few years older than me. From an outsiders point of view this might not be too bad a situation but i totally understand where he is coming from. Since he hasn't slept with anyone but me, he has now called it a break and will sleep with someone else, one for us and to move on to get the mental images of me and other guys out his head (i stupidly went into detail about it) and secondly for himself. In a strange way i want him to because realistically, now ive slept wtht other people. i am not going to be the only person he is going to sleep with and also if it can better our relationship for the long run then great. But at the same time during this 'break' i am mentally torturing myself and have images of him and someone else. I am not the most secure person so you can imagine what kind of questions and stuff is going through my head. I really want it to work out and so does he. He is not the type of person to sleep around, so i know this is going to be quite difficult for him. I suppose i am just looking for some advice because i dont know exactly how i am going to feel until it happens. Now i actually know and feel why my past haunts him because im feeling it right now, like he is mine.
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male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 He will have his girls, and the next thing will be that his sleeping around wasn't the same as yours. For instance, he might sleep with a girl only once, while you went to bed x times. Or he'll find that he has no feelings for the girl he sleeps with and it will be boring and unsatisfying, UNLIKE your affairs which were passionate affairs with favours given freely (well, that's how he may see it). It won't really wipe out what happened, and it may even make him feel even more upset if he's not careful.
Still, I can understand where he's coming from. He feels hurt and upset that HIS woman was fair game for other men on the make, and he just has to swallow it. He feels wronged and cheated.
I don't know how this is going to work out, but the emotions generated are all going to be negative. I can't see a positive emotion on his side or yours. He's feeling hurt, he won't really be satisfied (in fact, he may feel even more cheated), you're feeling regretful, and you're now feeling scared and unhappy.
If he comes back happy with what he got, maybe you can have a better relationship. But that's an awful lot of pain just so you can start again from an equal position....
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): Nothing will ever make him feel better about you sleeping with other guys. Absolutely nothing. He won't ever feel much better about it in the long run whether he sleeps around now or not.
He's just stuck feeling hurt for as long as he's with you now, and that's all there is to it.
He does need to treat you respectfully though. He has a right to his hurt feelings, but no right to punish you over them with unfair words and actions.
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A
female
reader, Tremor +, writes (4 July 2008):
 Ever hear the saying 'two wrongs don't make a right'?
As gabberjack has said, we all do things that we regret. To err is human. Your boyfriend needs to realize this. You were separated for two years - that is a fair while, and how were you to know you'd end up getting back together? You haven't done anything wrong, and he seems to be overreacting.
His sleeping with another woman will NOT make things any better - what POSSIBLE benefit could it have? It seems to me like he is being immature and trying to 'even the score' for his own petty reasons. I really don't see how this could help your relationship at all, and it seems to me like your boyfriend just needs to get over himself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): Wait right there Sis....This boyfriend of yours is really inmature. Him and you both thinking that him sleeping with someone else will help this situation....The only thing that can come out of this is a unwanted pregnancy, or a major case of the STD's. If he can't get over your past, then he needs to get some help. We all do things in our life that we regret...myself included. But once we ask for forgiveness, and truly change our way, your boyfriend shuold be understanding. I promise, him sleeping with any old gal WON'T help the situation...Your just setting yourself up for a fall Sister Sue. Please know that I will be praying for you, and the decesions you make.
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