A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it possible to remain friends after a break up? Are there specific situations where there is no possibility of friendship? Are there any rules? I have never wanted to remain friends with any of my ex's just ended it and moved on, however I am hearing from a younger generation that staying friends after a break up is normal? I have ended things with my ex and have considered us remaining friends, does this ever work out very well? I'm pretty sure he is not going to go for friendship unless there is sex involved, and I have no desire to have sex with him. Any advise?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2012): It only works to be friends if both of you are emotionally over each other. If there's still feelings and attraction then it's better to stay out of contact I.e. not be friends otherwise it will impede the process of healing and moving on or strain new romantic relationships.
A
female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (8 April 2012):
 If it didn't end badly, and you broke up because one or both of you just didn't have feelings anymore, then yeah.
I used to date this one guy, it was for about a month or two, mostly it was to help him figure out his sexuality, and he ended up being gay. Now he is my all time best friend, and he's also like a little brother to me. I'm sure it would have been the same had he not been gay, although maybe not such a close bond, since we're able to talk about boys and stuff, so we bonded more.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 April 2012):
 Strictly friends don't have sex. So obviously it isn't going to work.
Can you become friend with an ex at all? I think it's possible, my first BF and I are still friendly ( I wouldn't say friends because we only really talk 1-3 times a year)But I couldn't be around him the first 6-8 months after we broke up without crying ( makes me laugh now, but back then it was a big deal for me)
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (8 April 2012):
 In my culture everyone remains friends with their ex unless the ex is abusive. As I was told by my dad, if he's good enough to have sex with, why isn't he good enough to keep in your life and send him Christmas cards/phone calls once in a while.
If their are feelings then yes, you will have to have some distance for a year or so, so you can both heal and the love can decrease. I don't know anyone, friends or family who don't have ex's around them, and often the girlfriends and wives of the ex partners and their children are also welcome too.
Does it work.. In my culture it is necessary and normal. My parents, divorced 30years and now each others best friends and greatest support. However take sex of the table. If it's sex he's looking for, then your not available, and he isn't what I'd call a friend.
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A
female
reader, cca9130  +, writes (8 April 2012):
Simple answer: if you know that if you offer him friendship and that he'll only accept if there's sex involved, why would you ask him in the first place?
More developed answer: there is a real world were exs can be friends, but there's one very essential and crutial (really, I couldn't emphasize more throughly on this) element that is needed: maturity. You can talk to your ex about this possibility, but I really recommend on similar experiences to cut any communication with this guy for a long time, at least a year. If things turn out good and you guys want to remain friends, that's awesome! As long as there is maturity and responsability involved in the decision. It's your call.
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