A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can best friends hurt each other? Words of comfort, if you have any...?I don't really have the wisdom to answer this, but I can accept an honest answer. There is this friend that I love dearly, and he and I were like siblings, but recently he did something that hurt me profoundly. All the time I knew him, he was good and kind, but he hurt me terribly and lately he's changed... he's not himself. He has been almost heartless lately, hard and cold and not the kind and sincere person he was. If I didn't KNOW better I would say he was under a spell or something. I would like to hear from someone who has experienced something along these lines... either a best friend hurt you, or you hurt a close friend. I would like words of comfort but I am not asking anyone to sugar coat things or tell me what isn't true. His friendship means more than gold to me and the thought that maybe he isn't my friend tears me up inside and I have been broken about this situation for weeks now... ever since it happened. I want to believe that he didn't mean to hurt me but he hurt me profoundly. Is it possible to hurt someone you care about, profoundly? If someone hurts you does that mean that they're not a friend, or is it possible for a true friend to hurt one of his friends? Thanks for your answers, and I can certainly accept a sincere honest answer but please don't say anything rude... I hope you can help me, but you don't have to.I am feeling so overwhelmed about this situation with my friend that my heart is bursting and it's difficult to put it into words. I am completely broken and wouldn't wish this on anyone and I have been in so much pain that I have to fight to carry on with my life. Anytime I was hurting in the past, my best friend was there for me and now I feel deserted. Is it hopeless or could we ever have a real friendship? How could he DO this to me? Thanks...
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 January 2012):
 Do what ? It's not that we want to be nosy , but it all depends, from the gravity of the episode which hurt you, and the previous and current circumstances.
If he does not show up at your birthday party to go see his favourite sport event, .. he may be somewhat selfish and inconsiderate , but it does not necessarily means that he knows he'd hurt you or he does not care or he feigned friendship. It just means that... nobody is perfect.
If he has been all nice and attentive, then he asks you to lend him money , after which he's vague about the restitution of the loan, in fact becomes cold and standoffish and avoids you, then yes, you can bet you have been taken for a ride and he was not a true friend to begin with.
It all depends.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (8 January 2012):
 With no details to go on there is not much we can say. MishMash covered the first important part that only the people who we are closest to have the power to hurt us the most. There is one other thing you mentioned that makes me want to add something.
You say his behavior has changed recently and it is like he is under a spell. I know of two things that lead to that description. Drug addiction or an affair. There you go no sugar coating. My advice, is to investigate with your eyes wide open.
You might take it as a comfort to know that the addiction is talking and not the friend. There is hope for recovery.
FA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2012): "How could he DO this to me?"Do what? I'm curious about what he did and how you reacted. That might explain a lot.But if you want an answer, yes, people who love and care for each other hurt each other profoundly. In fact, it only tends to be people that we do love or care for that can hurt us. I'm not sure what this man did, but if a stranger did the same thing, I suspect you wouldn't be as hurt. It hurts because you care."If someone hurts you does that mean that they're not a friend, or is it possible for a true friend to hurt one of his friends?"I would say it's not that simplistic. Just because a person is a friend doesn't mean they "can't" hurt you. And just because you're hurting doesn't mean they're no longer a friend. You're asking us to define the nature of friendship, but I think at heart what you probably really want to know is how to handle this event that seems to have divided you...whatever it is. I guess you have to decide if you want to be friends with this person or not anymore...and no one here can really help you unless we know what happened.
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