A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi! I'm 23 and just need a bit of an unbiased ear. I'll try to keep this short but basically in August I asked my guy friend out. He had been single for 6 years and me for 3, we'd v=been flatmates for a year and although very different, grew attracted to each other. At times, he can be a very distant person with everyone, but I was more attracted to him than anyone, and the more I knew him, I liked him. At first he was worried that us dating wouldn't work, but decided we should go for it. I was unbelievably happy, but to the point where I was terrified that it wouldn't work out. The first week was romantic and blissful, but then we moved out to live sseparately (to give the relationship a chance) and things just seemed to spoil. We were both holding back on being affectionate, then we talked and decided not to hold back as much, then he got busier with work and studying, then we saw less of each other. Then I got so het up about it, I brought it up and he said he didn't have the 'beginning of relationship feelings' that he felt he should have, and that he felt upset coz he wanted to feel that way bt didnt. I had just assumed he was scared, but put on a brave face and agreed to stay friends. But, even as we were having this 'break up convo' the way he hugged me tightly felt like he wasnt sure about what he was saying. Anyway, its three weeks later and I still miss him soooo much. The worst thing is, I don't really understand why, as things were far from perfect before it ended. But now I feel like i'm properly griving for him and what we had, particularly before we 'made it official' and moved out. I know that eventually I'll be fine, but I keep getting waves of sadness that are sooo strong, and I keep going over details in my mind. We still see each other occasionally, but he seems almost too busy and looks tired and thin. I just keep thinking if this is the best thing to happen, why does it hurt so much? And is it possible to love someone that you don't 'on paper' have a lot in common with?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2011): Thanks for the advice, I'm just so stubborn! and don't want to show him that i'm upset/bothered. I think that the problem is that we already had the 'excitement' when we lived together (as people didn't know about us) and now we are in a more committed place. Think I just don't wanna feel rejected so was hoping he'd once more do the chasing. If he doesn't, then he doesn't. Thanks again!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 November 2011):
 Off course it is possible to love someone that you don't have much in common with, and off course you are going to feel sad because it is still all so raw. It sounds like he just does not know what he wants and he is expecting to feel something that is just not there. If you still like him, which obviously you do, then talk to him and tell him how you feel. Tell him there is no pressure and maybe you could both just take it slow and hang out together whenever you can. Just give it to him and tell him the option is out there if he would like to try. If not well then I guess it is just going to take some time for you to get over him. Good luck.
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