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anonymous
writes: I met a guy on holiday last September who I have become good mates with. We have had regular contact via text messaging since being back. I know that he would like us to be more than friends.He is perfect for me. He has all the qualities I look for in a man, we seem to think the same and I can easily chat to him and have a laugh. The only thing is I don't fancy him.I recently spent the day with him. I met some of his friends, who I got on well with, and generally had a good time. I came away thinking may be if I was to spend some time with him I'd feel differently. He is a sensitive guy and I worry if I do this and still decide to remain as friends it'll upset him. I've, so far, not told him any of this. He also lives a 3 hour drive from me.What should I do?
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (6 May 2005):
 I think if you took a poll of 100 couples who are still together after 10-15 years, you'd find that a reasonable proportion of them are close friends who happened to learn to love each other.Romantic love is a wonderful thing; it's amazingly powerful and thrilling. But physiologically speaking, it's really only good for a couple of years. In other words, it fades naturally over time. It's important for a longer relationship that you have something else underpinning the sexual/romantic attraction, like common interests and a similar outlook on life. I think that being friends with someone and gradually discovering that you also find them sexually attractive is one of the most satisfying relationships imaginable, so the short answer to your question is a definite YES.Note that I'm not saying this man is Your Perfect Man, but finding someone pleasant and a good friend with excellent overall personalty traits... which deepens into love (if that happens) is truly wonderful for both parties. Don't write off this guy just because he doesn't make your heart flip straightaway. Give yourself a chance to get to know him well and make a judgement on how you feel in a few months or a year.Hope this helps.
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reader, wwww.datinghaven.com +, writes (5 May 2005):
3 hours is not a long distance away for the man of your dreams.You don't have to fancy someone to love them and like being with them.
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reader, Angel-lee +, writes (5 May 2005):
Hi, I have the same problem with my boyfriend at the moment. He is everything I want and always has been. I met him a year ago, at first I was just like you, I didn't know how I felt. I liked everything about him, I just didn't fancy him. A year on, we are still together and going strong!! I fell in love with him. I still don't fancy him as much as I would like to, Ii mean I don't look at him and think, wow you're gorgeous, but I gave it a shot. No one is perfect, just because you dont fancy him doesn't mean you can't be together. He has got everything else you look for in a man, so give it a shot!! If things don't work out, you can worry about it when it happens but for now, enjoy his company, don't jump in head first, just take it steady. The more you get to know about his inner self, the more you may start to see him in a different light. Give it a go, and don't regret anything! Life's too short.
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