A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi there, i kinda need your urgent help;i think i am on the way to like this girl, but there is one big thing making us peoples of different world.i am a 22 years old virgin having no girl friend in my life, never kissed or been kissed; it is not because(not to brag) i am not attractive(my friends tell me that i am good looking person)and also it is not because i have bad image for women(i RESPECT them very much), but i think it is because of my shyness and lack of confidence about my look(especially, my being a skinny guy).i work in our capital city on my weekdays and i spend my weekend in my home town some 50kms from the capital. it is in my home town that i met her working in a super market; the issue is that she is far more experienced than me in her relationship life; this also makes me inconfident to approach her assuming she might lookdown me if she discovers i am inexperienced.i also read dating tips on the internet, according to those tips ways to approach women completly violates my attitude towards women, forexample, one of the tip says women like to be treated badly, by teasing, flirting with them, showing less respect,and treatment. but i don't like to treat others badly,i can't tease anyone, i can't flirt with any one; according to the tip "i am not a cocky guy which women like". so this idea is making me confused, i like what i am and what i behave i don't want to change my personality for women to like me; i just want to have respect for any one.So my question is 1. what will be her reaction if she discovers that i am inexperienced? 2. for guys like me who approach girls with respect, do they stand a chance to get the girl of their dream? 3 do women really like "bad" guys? 4. is it possible to approach a girl with out teasing and flirting with here? 5. i have also a fear that she might have a boy friend, so how can i avoid my fear? 5. for skinny guy like do we really stand a chance to get to girls? 6. what is a girls reaction for skinny guys.thanks for your advice.
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confidence, flirt, shy, teasing, the internet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, WhiteDragon  +, writes (3 May 2008):
Ok...I am actually in LOVE with a skinny guy. My friends think that he is not attractive, but I like him a lot. I don't see any problem about it, I like him for that. I like his bright skin, his eyes, his nerdy behaviour- everything that you could think as of a turn-off. The problem is that he most likely thinks about himself the same way as you. I simply don't know how to talk to him, he is damn too shy. He's never had a girlfriend before, and I'm quite sure he would like it. So here it is: I don't care if a guy is 'inexperianced' and shy. I like him for what he realy is. I don't see any problem about being skinny- I even found it attractive (and I am 'experianced' and kinda good-looking). Try to talk to her in a casual way. If you are shy, she wouldn't know how to approach you even if she does like you. Imagine her agony, hopelessly trying to guess your reactions, afraid to ruin your ‘friendship’ etc. Well, that’s me at the moment. If this isn’t helpful, I hope it would at least boost your confidence. Good luck! PS And I have a question for you: how would you like that girl to approach you? I need some help too ?.
A
female
reader, Lucy2118 +, writes (3 March 2008):
 Some girls like that some guys are inexperienced as their not coccky ot arrongant about it, plus she'll be able to teach you how she likes it. Respect is what all girls want, my ex boyfriend never "treated me mean to keep me keen" and i loved him for it, cos he didn't play games, that in itself kept me interested, so yes guys that treat women with respect do have a chance. Girls do like bad guys, but thats only because their interesting, however you sound like an interesting guy without being "bad". About the boyfriend thing, try and find out, drop it into conversation with her. Women have different ideas what attractive is, this could be hefty, skinny, built etc. So i guarentte that some girls will find you attractive, a guy i work with is really skinny but he has a girlfriend who is gorgeous and has had girlfriends before that.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): 1. If this girl really likes you then your past won't matter. Personally, I'd prefer my guy to be a virgin than a man-whore. I'm sure many women see it the same way. 2. Yes! Men who show respect have the best chances of all. A woman who is comfortable with herself and wants a real realtionship will respond positively to respect. Most women know they're smart and beautiful and amazing and that they don't have to take crap from anyone, and especially not a man. When you show respect for her you're showing just how special and wonderful you think she is. So, yes, respect is the best way to go. 3. Yes, some women do like bad guys. I can only speak from personal experience here, but I'll provide for you what I know. I've found that women who like abuse are not the best candidates for relationships. They like being used and cheated on and degraded, for whatever reason. Maybe they like the drama? I can't fathom it. Also, some women crave that abuse so much that they'll ruin healthy relationships because a guy is "too good." Trust me, you don't want immature drama like that. A woman who is confident and intelligent and mature will want a man who treats her with respect at all times. Most women are of the confident and mature type and enjoy a healthy relationship. For them the "bad guy" thing will probably be more of a fantasy that they really don't want to become real. It's fun to day dream about, but it wouldn't be good in reality. (I imagine, perhaps, it's comparable to a man daydreaming about being married to a porn star or something.)4. Yes, it's possible to approach a girl without heavy teasing or flirting. I'm sure, though, that you have your own subtle flirting style. Perhaps you can try to develop it a bit? Flirting doesn't have to be overtly obvious or sexual; it can just be friendliness on a more intimate level. You sound like a very nice guy so I'm sure friendliness comes easily to you. Use that. Be friendly with this girl and strike up a conversation. Make sure to smile a lot (that's quite easy to do around someone you like, heh) and look into her eyes and laugh sincerely if she makes a joke. When you finally get up enough courage ask her out. It can be relaxed and casual, you know, just a "Would you like to get together sometime for (lunch/coffee/insert-other-event-here)?" That should work nicely. 5a. Well, your girl might have a boyfriend. There's no sure-fire way to know besides asking, so I guess it's a risk you'll have to take. If you ask her out she'll tell you if she's taken. Also, if you talk to her for a while before asking her out she might mention something about a boyfriend in regular conversation. 5b. You have just as much chance of getting a girl as everyone else. If you look around you'll see all kinds of guys with girlfriends; short guys, tall guys, fat guys, guys with big ears, whatever. Personality is very important in a person, especially when you're looking for something serious. It's definitely more important than looks, no matter what the media may try to tell us otherwise. Personally, my ex had a very tall, athletic, attractive body but he was as boring and uninteresting as can be. The relationship didn't last because our personalities were so vastly different. I left him for my current boyfriend who is shorter than me, very hairy, and skinny. But he has a gorgeous face and his personality, creativity, intelligence, and kindness are all phenomenal. I'm more attracted to him than I ever was to my ex. Personality is what's important in the long run. You are a nice, respectful guy and you say you're not cocky. Those are all very good traits in a man and they're getting rarer every day. Combine those with all the other good traits you have, and you're a very attractive man indeed. 6. I can't speak for every woman, obviously, but my reaction to a skinny man is not much different than my rection to an athletic man. Like I said above, personality is much more important. Of course, like the last poster said, if you're uncomfortable with how people might percieve your thinness, then try not to draw attention to it. Tight shirts and skinny jeans are probably not the best look for your body type...but the good news is, tight clothes aren't really the traditional style for men anyway. Plus, people of a thin build can pull off many other great looks, so you're quite lucky. Also, I just want to say that you sound like a great guy and you should have no problem finding a wonderful girlfriend. Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): thank you, i really appreciate that you have added something good to my life. thank you again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): 1. Well if she loves you enough to be with you (possibly in a sexual relationship) then surely she loves you enough to accept your past, inexperienced or not! If you do get to the point of a sexual relationship, then wow her with 'natural' (or so she thinks) talent in bed, by checking out some sex tips on here or on other parts of the internet. 2. Yes! There's absolutely loads of guys that treat girls with respect, but you tend to see more of the guys that treat them like rubbish, by cheating on them or whatever. You sound like a lovely caring guy, so I cant see a reason why she wouldnt like you. Every girl likes to be respected and looked after. 3. I guess some women like bad guys, but not all. I must say, bad guys do seem quite attractive, but in an unacceptable way. Dating one just seems too much work, with all the worrying about what they are up to, so I think a lot of women would be put off by this. 4. Well of course, theres loads of different ways of approaching women besides flirty behavior. Although, I think flirting generally has to be a part of it because otherwise she might not realise you want more than a friendship, as she might just get the impression you're just a friendly type of guy. Maybe you could do little sweet things, like making more of an effort to come see her in the supermarket. Innitiate a conversation if you can, even if its just 'so how you doing?' or something. Smile a lot, and keep looking into her eyes. And when you can gather up all your courage, ask her what she's doing on *Friday* after work (or whatever day you like) and if she'd like to go for a coffee or something. This way its just casual, and not too intimate all of a sudden. 5. There's nothing you can really do to check if she has a boyfriend, you've just got to go for it honey. If she says that she cant go for a coffee, or doesnt particularly want to, this is probably her saying that she has a boyfriend or isnt interested. This is the point where you kinda have to back off. Yes, it's a bit of a blow, but if you want to be with her it's a risk you'll have to take. 5. (Another 5 lol) Well my long term bf's quite skinny, and I absolutely adore him. I don't think it really matters to most of the women that I know. Just try not to wear tight t-shirts, or skinny jeans - things that will make you look too thin, especially if you are tall. Maybe wear a hoody, if thats the kind of thing you're in to, or a bigger jacket, or a scarf if thats the way you might normally dress. Try baggy-er jeans if you can, but obviously not too baggy. 6. Again, I don't think the skinnyness of a guy matters, and I dont know many women that it would matter to. So try to forget about the whole skinny thing and go for it! You sound like a great guy, so show her. Good luck honey :]
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A
female
reader, iAintYourAunt  +, writes (3 March 2008):
 Sure women like bad guys. They also love good guys! Respect is a sure way to win a lass over. Being a virgin is a major plus for some girls. Other girls do prefer experience. You got to know the girl first. Some girls don't care about weight. Most important thing is just being yourself. If you don't want to tease and flirt then don't. You may be glad you didn't. Just be you!
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