A
female
age
41-50,
*ust.me
writes:How do I get closure from a relationship if the person has just disappeared? I don't really want to call him, text him, or email him ... I just want answers but don't know how to get them. I know I will never get the answers I want to hear. I wouldn't believe him anyway. He has lied so much that I don't think he knows what is the truth. He has made no attempt to call me and I have not wanted to call. I just find his disappearing act very hurtful, childish, and indignant. This disappearing act happened the night I told him I was miscarrying his baby. He said he had prior commitments and couldn't be there for me (a party with the women he was cheating on me with) ... this is a day after he claimed his undying love for me. He wanted us to be a family, bla, bla, bla. He never tried to make any contact to see how i am doing or if I need anything NOTHING after I told him the devastating news. I was sooo upset and cried all day and he had a party to go to. This has shown me who he really is and don't want a man like that in my life. I just want closure.
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female
reader, elsie  +, writes (3 March 2008):
 i totally understand how you feel.one word for these men an that COWARD.they are very immature and they NEVER change.you cling on in the desperate hope there will be a breakthrough,honey there never will be.all you are doing,just like i did,is torturing yourself.my ex,who i kicked out by the way,did this to me at least 6 times.on one occasion he dissapeared for 3wks and all i got was 3 texts from call boxes with no i.d.telling me he was scared he was and that he knew he wasnt good enough for me.you know deep down this guy is the pits.i was with my ex for four years hes 41 for gods sake.he will never grow up.how disgusting that you were left in that state?your heartbreak will go but unfortunetly we have to go through that stage.its part of the natural developement to making us stronger.its like grief but you know the persons still out there.you never had any respect from him and he wont respect you enough to explain why he went?you know why honey?because deep down these type of men hate themselves and the last thing they want to do is lose face and admit what losers they are.you will get better and time is the real healer.he will do it to every girl he meets.good luck.
A
female
reader, FRICAN  +, writes (3 March 2008):
(Mod note; Caps off please) IT SURELY HURTS BUT GAL LIFE HAS TO MOVE ON,Y NOT CLEAR YOUR CONSCIENSE AND CALL HIM ,C WHAT HE SAYS AND MAY BE THAT WILL GIVE U A CLOSURE ,THINGS ARENT ALWAYS WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE,HE WASNT GUD ENOUGH FOR U,THERE MILLIONS OUT TERE WHO ARE MORE DESERVING,WE ALL HAVE OUR MOMENTS OF DESPERATION BUT WE NEED TO FOCUS ON THE FUTURE.WISH U LUCK
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (3 March 2008):
 You forgive him and bless him !RIP! Amen!
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A
male
reader, Kawika  +, writes (3 March 2008):
 I can understand what you are feeling. My situation is not as drastic as yours, but nevertheless the pain is still there. The good thing is that at least you've recognized his "true colors". I think "time" seems to be the best cure for our closures. It has been about 3 months on mine, and I can still feel the wound, but it is slowly turning into a scar. In the end, I think we will come out stronger, wiser, and better. At least we know how it feels and we can help others in dealing with similar situations. This is my take on it. I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, pericles +, writes (3 March 2008):
 oh boy, do I understand what you're dealing with. I want closure from a guy who just vanished too--a long distance relationship that went sour very quickly after he returned home from visiting the US last summer. I just got finished posting a question that deals with this issue, which is running from discussion rather than confronting problems. It has been 5 months since he broke it off with me; in that time, he contacted me a couple of times over the course of a month to "check in" (something he hated doing when I asked him to text or email me). He has, in short, behaved very erratically. In January, I sent him back a box of books he bought while he was visiting here last summer; I wanted closure then, and enclosed a card, with the full expectation that that was it, I wouldn't hear from him, and to say goodbye (and happy birthday, since it was his birthday). I had hung on to these books for months, not knowing what to do with them. Figured I would not hear from him, but was wrong, and am now grieving over the wound that got opened when he sent me a very happy reply, sounding like his old self, sort-of, like maybe there was a chance that we could at least talk; I replied, of course. That was a month ago, and I haven't heard from him since.So, no closure. I have found we have to make our own closure, by releasing these people, slowly but surely, and mourning the dream that died, and moving on. It's rough.
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