A
male
age
30-35,
*aulo5351
writes:Ok, time to tell you the story.Right, im 20 years old, and my ex is 18. We meat in college last september, and from day 1 I knew she was special. Within a week of college me and her had become great friends, bestfriends, but i was to afraid to ask her would she like to go out with me. By not asking her i really screwed up because she started goin out with someone else. I never actually told her how i felt about her until she broke it off with him which was 2 months later (end of november). When i asked her then she said to me she didnt want to be in a relationship. I kept chasing and asking till I finally gave up in mid-january. Then out of the blue on the 10th of febuary she asked me did i want to give it ago. And as you expect I was delighted. The first 3 months where great, hanging around together alot as you could imagine, and we even waited 2 months before we had sex because we wanted to take it slow so we would get used to the change-over from being friends to being girlfriend and boyfriend.Now im from Ireland and the way things work here is you are in college from september to may, and then you go home from may to september, and the back to college again in september.So over the past 3 months we have been apart and we were not used to it, the whole distance thing got in the way, but we still managed to see each other twice a week. Fair enough we did have a few arguments but they where only small pety once, and they where expected because both of us were just so used to being around each other the whole time. Last month we even went on holidays together and we had a great time. We were madly in love.But just there on monday, 10th of september (our 6 month anniversary of going out together) she said to me she didnt want to be in a relationship anymore. This came to a huge shock to me because everything was fine on sunday, we were txting each other all day.now in college here in Ireland you dont live on the college campus, all colleges are located in towns, and usually you wood rent a house out for the college year with a few friends.Last week she had a big fight with the girls she was goin to move in with so as a sugestion i asked her if she wanted to move in together, i even said to her it was only an idea and it was completely up to her, i didnt really mind, because i would av bein fine with living with the guys. But she said yes and i thought it was great.So what im tryn to figure out was it the thought of us moving in that wanted her to not be in the relationship? Was i moving to fast? Because we where getting along great on sunday. And its humanly impossible to just fall out of love with someone overnight. Because we where madly in love. after our holiday this year we had such a good time she was even planning where to go next year!! I just dint understand!!And also over the next two weeks she has 3 exams (Tests) for college, so im wondering is it just the stress of them?Or is it everything is just getting to much for her at the moment?All i know is im still madly in love with her and i dont want to lose her. I have went out with outer girls and never had feelings for them like i do for her! And deep down I know she still loves me too.I just dont know what to do!! I just want my Girlfriend back in my life :'( :'(
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): Sorry to say this, but you can't just get her back and we can not tell you how. . If she's not on your doorstep, claiming that her love for you is endless.. it means he doesn't want to be with you right now, in a committed, dating way. And at her age, she may want to live life, meet new people and be single for awhile. No one can blame her for having that youthful exuberance, in life. If you do love her a lot then you will want to support her own journey for happiness, even though you cannot be a part of that. There are no other ways or alternatives, that can be given to you here. So I know this is painful to hear but you need to accept that.
Now about you. I think you really believe all your lonliness/lost feelings would go away, if she just came back. That's putting a lot 'on this poor girl's shoulders and it almost sounds pretty unhealthy. The problem could be your insecurities and your fears, here. Sometimes when people experience this, they fel another person's love will heal them. That's a real destructive pattern, you may find yourself in, so be wary of that. This makes a person quite needy and smothering. And the trouble is, the other person recognizes that trait and backs away. Care about yourself, first. Learning to gain the confidence, not feeling 'entitled' to a person's life, and healthily accepting someone' rejection. So please just stop working so hard to getting her to care about you. Especially if her actions are telling you, she doesn't want a relationship right now. I am sorry you are hurting--really I am. Be strong, get through this with distractions such as good supportive family and friends. And don't date anyone else until you have healed and recovered. Keep busy and please, take care of yourself. xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): I've notice a pattern here. When things don't go very well around her, she tends to take off for a bit and say, I don't want a relationship. She seems to return.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): Dude Im Irish too and I know the way things work over here.First off there is something you need to realise and if you read back over your post and you will see, this girl is very confused about who she is. In the last year, she has gone out with you and at least one other guy. I do not know if she actually knows what she is feeling, far less could I ell if she is in love but I doubt it.That being said I know you love her and I know you feel for her, but you need to look after yourself, she will never respect you if you constantly pick up the pieces of her life andyou will feel bad for it. As for living with her, can you honestly see yourself being okay with her shifting some other guy on the couch or is it going to break your heart??You need to ask yourself what do i want her to move in for?If its to be your girlfriend and lover then you need to ask her is that what she really wants?If it isnt then please do yourself a favour and do not move in with her. It does not mean you dont love her it just means that you are looking after you whihc you must do anyway.If she gets angry or upset that you arent allowing her to move in ask yourself, who is making more effort here, a relationship should be equal and if you are doing all the running it isnt,Best of luck with this , I hope that it helps and one other thing, there are so many nice girls out there and trust me you will feel the same way about another girl again.
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