A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I haven't had a session with my therapist for a while. I met him again recently and he was acting differently to me (I've known him for a while). His eye contact felt like he was staring at me and he was constantly smiling at me. We also joked around but I felt a bit uncomfortable. He would speak to me in this low, sort of calm seductive type voice the whole time, while staring and smiling. I wanted to talk about something embarrassing but I was getting strange or awkward vibes from him. Some things we were talking about were quite normal but his tone of voice make it feel like he was flirting a little. As he was talking he even addressed me as "miss (last name)", which made me blush a little. Because I felt anxious, he got me to stand up and do silly dances with him which was fun but it still felt a bit awkward. I also felt creeped out when he told me that I'm a woman now (I'm 17) with adult feelings and that i matured quickly as a result of my experiences. There was quite a bit of humour and a lot of eye contact. He seemed to be looking at me differently this time and the atmosphere felt different. I spoke to him about the embarrassing thing I wanted to talk about that session but I was worried he would think really differently of me in a bad way and he said that it hadn't, and in fact his opinion of me is better. Are my projections and transferences getting in the way? is it to do with him?it has never felt like this and he behaves differently when others are in the room?Update: He's also told me I have a nice smile which I was flattered by.
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (10 September 2016):
 Well, smiling and eye contact are certainly traits all good counselors should have. Eye contact is an absolute must for the job. And sometimes, intense eye contact can feel quite intimate. And also, the tone of voice may be geared towards soothing you and making you feel more relaxed.
However, you should trust your instincts. If you've never felt this particular way before, there may be a clear reason you're picking up on them now.
Therapy is supposed to be a safe zone. You should be able to go there and feel safe with your feelings, thoughts, and emotions. And if you feel a bit uneasy and unsettled around him, then maybe it's time you sought out a new counselor, regardless of whether he actually is flirting with you or not. Perhaps a female counselor would make you feel more relaxed?
A
male
reader, 11muds11  +, writes (9 September 2016):
I agree with many of the other posters in the room. It could easily be that now he feels you've become a young adult, and you've made progress, that he's just treating you like one, just trying to relate. His actions may be just a way get you more relaxed around him.
But it's done the opposite, from what I read in your post. Like other posters have said, it is the most important thing to feel comfortable around your therapist. Your last three sentences lets us know that you are very aware about what could be happening, so that shows me that you've been very objective here.
You must feel relaxed around your therapist or otherwise you won't open up properly and continue the progress you've made. Simply ask for a change, not matter what's happened here, as you need to be confident around the person you're talking to in order to really help yourself.
I hope this helps. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 September 2016):
 It’s time to change therapists. Whatever happens in the next session, you now have thoughts and concerns about him and his feelings towards you intruding on the progress you may make.
Don’t worry about hurting his feelings or anything like that. Just say that you feel it’s time to change therapists. You’ve been with him since you were 15 and only see him on and off so it’s time for a change.
Ask for a female therapist and you won’t have to worry about the therapist crushing on you, which is what is what your post seems to suggest.
http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Counselling/Pages/Introduction.aspx
You could discuss this perception you have of him with him but only with another therapist or his supervisor in the room.
A therapist will have been trained in this situation, when there might be transference. He won’t take it personally, I promise.
Speak to the GP who referred you for therapy and explain the situation. People change therapists all the time; it’s not unusual and it’s not a bad thing. Okay?
Good luck and keep making progress!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (9 September 2016):
 I think this may be you overthinking. However, you're likely to be in therapy on the NHS and you need to request someone else because you feel uncomfortable with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2016): I've been seeing him on and off for two years and I am making progress
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 September 2016):
 Weather he is flirting or not it does not matter. What matters is that he is making you uncomfortable, and if you are paying money to see a therapist you need to be comfortable with them. Are you getting the help you need from him? Have you made progress? I think you should really consider changing your therapist as they should be someone who is helping you. If you have been seeing him for a long time you need to ask yourself why? Usually therapy shouldn't last long if your improving.
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