A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First of I'll start with a bit of history about me; I've dealt with depression, anxiety, paranoia, self-harm and a near miss with an eating disorder. It's all happened together and it was hell. At the same time I was dealing with feelings for my bestfriend who found out a few weeks ago, our friendship crashed for about a week or two but we're fine again. I realise I'll always feel something for him, whether I want too or not, so that's not the issue here.The issue is a somewhat new guy I've recently got talking to. For the past month he's been chasing me, or rather had been, and because I felt nothing for him I tried not to lead him on. Which was hard; he'd guilt me into flirting with him or saying suggestive things. I know I can't blame him only, obviously that's my fault too. Anyway, it got to the point where I was so down in the dumps I was looking to him to pull me back up. Luckily, my friend got me away from that before we started up a purely sexual relationship. Finally, he got the message and we stopped talking. Then I attended an event that he was at. He spent it glaring at me or attempting to make me jealous, even getting random guys to chat me up as it was amusing to him that I reacted in such a way. Yes, he's quite immature. Afterwards though I suddenly felt something for him, and now I've realised that I feel attracted to guys that treat me horribly. I now put the effort in with him, where as he continues being cruel, and as much as it annoys me it only makes me want him more. I mean, is this normal? How can I fix me? My ex-counsellor suspected I'd been sexually abused as a child -which I'd subconsciously blocked out- and my need for being treated in such way stems from that. Is that possible? I'm not sure what kind of reply I'm looking for, I guess just someone to give me a little bit of advice on how they dealt with it or something. Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, mrcoolguy  +, writes (20 August 2009):
there might be a simpler explanation to all this if you really havent experienced sexual abuse as a child. what i think is that its your hormones acting up and when youre not aware of it, it can get a bit out of control. i think that you may be physically attracted to the immature guy and because he always seems to be around at your convienence, you start mistakening your physical attraction towards him as something deeper.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (20 August 2009):
 It is possible, but you don't recall it happening yourself? It is possible to have repressed it, but it is also possible your ex-counsellor was looking for an easy answer. Girl with low-selfesteem does NOT always mean past sexual abuse.
There is rather nasty side to a guy who treats you horribly and that is that to a starving person, a rotting piece of fruit is a meal.
If you are starving for attention then even being treated badly is a form of attention.
The difference between so called "nice guys" and the bad boys is that the bad boys are out there, pursueing women, because I am fairly certain that no matter how bad he treats you, he is always dare to make amends, no matter brief or insincere.
If you had to choose, this guy or remain single, what would you choice be? Be honest.
Because YOU are in control. He can only treat you bad, when you let him. Why are you letting him?
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (20 August 2009):
 Sometimes when a person has been abused they mentally blame themselves and this in turn causes low self esteem which attracts bad partners who treat us badly.
I think you've been through so much, the fact that your still going strong is commendable.
your a strong person this is a good attribute to have.
You need to work through the issues you have, before embarking on a relationship.
trust me, you have to love and honour thyself before anyone else will love and honour you.
Ive been sexually abused and noone supported me in my family.
I didnt even see a councillor.
everyone is different and yes we can block out certain aspects and it can come out in our nature in varying ways through out our lives.
Keep your bestfriend as a friend for now, and focus on getting your mind in a positive place.
Then only can you heal.
Here is a good link which will help you deal with abuse related issues
http://www.ehow.com/how_2131929_deal-flashbacks-after-child-abuse.html
you will get stronger.
Good luck !
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (20 August 2009):
 Almost definately yes.If you read a book called Starting again, it has it all in there about why we go for the type of guys/girls, we do. And it will almost definately be connected to our pasts.Are you still seeing the counsellor?
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