A
female
age
36-40,
*ayla20
writes:my ex boyfriend of 4 years is so unreliable. I have a two year old son by him, before i got pregnant we were really inlove however when i was pregnant his brother came out of jail and my ex started going out without me, not seeing me as much, not having sex as much, letting me down and just not being there throughout the pregnancy and always making me cry . i also had suspicions of him cheating from rumours and girls calling his phone telling me they were with him, aswel as receiving emails from girls distinctively telling me everything about me and everything about my ex.he still denies cheating on me to this day even though i split with him due to these problems.did he cheat?also my child is nearly 2 and my ex does not give me much money for my child and doesnt see him very often example he always comes up with an excuse when he says he will see him.i dont want to stop him from seeing my son but i dont want the confusion to hit my son when he starts to realise his dad is letting him down all the time. what should i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): Im in a similiar situation my son is seventeen months. His father has not been around much in three months, wen he comes down to take my son, my son crys and gets a tug in his heart and ends up not going. But as i told my ex that our son barely sees him and thats y he keeps telling me that he take him to bond and dont keep his words i dunno why my son bond and why his father dont care about him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2010): Absolutely, I did and it was the best decision although you do sound a lot younger, we are in our late thirties and he still behaved like a 5 year old, was very unreliable and only wanted to see his daughter when he wanted to see me, I cut him and my advice would be to do the same, it will be very disruptive to have him in and out of his life. He sounds identical to my ex and you would be wasting your time chasing him to be in his life, he will not change and I wouldn't bother going after maintenance, just disappear and one day he will come looking for you and it will be too late.
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A
female
reader, rosemadder +, writes (2 January 2010):
I know exactly how u feel, my ex cheated on me throughout the relationship, got worse when I fell pregnant, even tho it was planned, even was with another woman while I was in labour for 3 days. I eventually left when my son was 2, he is now turning 7 and hasn't seen his dad for 2 yrs n hasn't spoke for a yr. I tried to enforce visits, but it was every 4-6mths and he kept cancelling at the last min. he didn't even send his son a xmas card this yr. looking back, if I'd known what he'd put my son thru, all the tears, dissapointments and heartache, I would just have cut off all contact, he only pays £5 a week maintenance, stayin on the dole so he won't have to pay anymore, doesn't help out any other way. my son would have been so much better off if he never knew his father.
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A
male
reader, tom333 +, writes (22 August 2009):
Ok,
Here's the right way to do this,
Send him a solicitors letter explaining that he needs to get a grip with regards being reliable about seeing your son.
Tell him that this is his last chance to do things properly and if he fails then you intend to stop contact and he will then have to gain a contact order through the Family court to see the child.
Set out a rota to suit your son, like every second weekend and tell him that failure to stick to it will result in cntact being stopped.
But you must be firm and get the message through to him.
Best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): I think it would be really bad for your son to have an unreliable father. He would constanstanly be hopeing for him to come around and trusting him to keep to his word. At his young age, he wouldn't understand that if in the past he has not done what he said he would do, then he is likely to do the same inthe future. His young, forgiving heart would keep hoping and time and time again, he would be left disappointed. He would then start to blame himself, thinking he's doing something wrong.
There's nothing wrong with protecting his heart and feelings. I say, it's better to have no dad, then to have one who can't committ to him. You don't want him to grow up thinking that all people will let him down, or thinking that he can't trust anyone. If it were me, I would cut him out. Save my child the devastation.
~Sy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): You sound like a good mother, because you care about the future and what it will bring for your son. It is obvious your ex-boyfriend is seeing other women. You are not his only one. I suggest you move on. Stop trying to force a relationship with him - for you or your son. Don't seek him out to spend time with your son, but don't refuse it either. If he wants to see his son, let him. But you need to separate yourself from your ex. If not, you will only get hurt over and over again. Find an activity for you and your son that will keep your mind off of your ex. Get involved in a good Christian church that has activities for children your son's age (and a singles' group for you). The more you try to force your ex to spend time with his son, the more he will resist. You will eventually find a good man that will treat you and your son right. Wait for him, but let the ex go.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (20 August 2009):
 If your ex is not a good partner to you let him go as your partner. Its not healthy for your son to see his father coming and going out of both your lives.I think you should let your son have access to see his father on a regular basis, on certain days, because the child has a right to know who their dad is.I understand your partner isnt a good father, but if your seriously worried about him mentally disrupting your childs life then yes cut him out completely.You can always go through the route of contacting the child support agency to get your partner to provide for your sonthe link http://www.csa.gov.uk/ Good luck!
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