A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this man for about 2 months, everything was going great but I'm not sure how can i make him more comfortable around me whenever we are on a date. I have more experience with men but he claims that I'm the first girl who went on a date with. So basically when we are out on a date, he wouldn't stop shivering and touching his face around me and wouldn't hold my eye contact for long, i would eventually tell him if he's feeling cold because he would shiver noticeably and he would say no. I would try to make him feel comfortable by adding some space between us, holding eye contact with him to let him know that I'm interested in what he's talking about, but that doesn't work. Is it possible that a man could be so nervous that he can't stop shivering around women? How can i make him more comfortable around me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2019): Unless your guy dresses in very thin clothes in winter which is very unlikely then he is possibly a heroin addict or alcoholic or crack addict.
Alternatively if he has M.S. a neurological condition he should have told you by now.
Its not a good start.
There you go with your kind heart rready to heap loving kindness on your potential crack addict or alcoholic who may only be near you for what he can get out of you to feed his needs.
So slow down and stop assuming he is shivering because you are so overpoweringly wonderful and female.
There is more to this than meets the eye!
Its quite clever how the burden of his shiverring has now become your responsibility and you did well to raise the question of why.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (27 April 2019):
 Do you KNOW his "nervous" behaviour is down to, firstly, nerves and, secondly, being around you (as in, a woman)? Or are these assumptions on your part? While I can understand someone being very nervous on a first date, especially if it is their first date EVER, this behaviour continuing for two months would make we seriously wonder what was REALLY going on. Personally, from what little information has been provided, I would suspect some extreme form of social anxiety. If this IS the case, then he has to receive credit for trying to push his own boundaries.
I am not sure whether to give you credit for hanging in there for so long or to seriously wonder why you haven't walked away by now. How do you get on with this guy, shivering and inability to make eye contact aside? What is keeping you seeing him? I wonder if you are seeing him as some sort of a "project"? Are you, perhaps, enjoying playing the role of the "more experienced woman"? Are you relishing the fact you are his first date? Are you worried about hurting him by walking away? Do you, perhaps, feel "safe" with him in the knowledge YOU can control the pace of the relationship and he is unlikely to ever push for things to move faster than you would like? Apologies for all the questions but I am trying to work out what is in this relationship for YOU. Most women would have called it a day if things had not improved two months down the line.
If you want a future for this relationship, you two really need to TALK. You need to ask him outright why he seems so uncomfortable around you. Surely, after 2 months of dating, you can do this? If he is not forthcoming, perhaps you could ask him if he could write it down (sometimes that is easier than saying it). If he just doesn't give you ANY information, then, personally, I don't see how there can be any future for you two.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2019): You've been seeing him for two months, and each time you see him he's trembling? Sometimes that is a sign of SAD, social anxiety disorder. How do you know it's specifically around women?
Neurological disorders or drug withdrawal may be somewhat different. They are spasmodic or jerky motions. Not just trembling. There doesn't have to be disease or disorder behind it at all. He's just very nervous.
You've been seeing this young-man long enough to ask him if he suffers from an anxiety disorder. He may be a little hesitant to disclose this; and it's probably why he hasn't had much luck with women. He makes THEM nervous, and his behavior is unsettling.
Shivering can occur if someone is having withdrawal-symptoms; but they wouldn't last the full-length of a date before they'd have to get a fix. Then there would be a sudden calmness. If it was neurological like a tick or an involuntary-shutter due to brain-damage; I doubt he would withhold an explanation.
I would assume you don't see him on a daily basis; but weekly as would most people dating would. If he isn't forthcoming with a feasible explanation for this severe nervousness; I don't think it's a good idea to continue seeing this young-man. If he's hiding the truth, you can't build trust on that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2019): He sounds like he's on drugs or having a withdrawal. This doesn't sound like nervousness at all, but a medical condition. I would be worried.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 April 2019):
 It's not a good sign that he can be so nervous. It's possible that he has some neuorological disorder or he is suffering from alcohol/drug withdrawal. A blush, flustered look on the face can be cute, but not when someone has no control over their movements. If he is shaking consistently for 2 months, it's a worrying sign.
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