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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Is it possible for someone to sleep 12 hours a day consistently for weeks??? He sleeps at 3am every night and doesn't wake up until 3pm or later in the afternoon! Then he takes his time to get up, shower, and go get food to eat. Then he rests a bit and goes to the gym around 8pm and stays there chatting and exercising until close to midnight. Then he goes to the restaurant where his friend works and hang out until 1-2am in the morning. I can't understand how anyone can have that kind of schedule?? He says he never sleeps well during the night because he's either tossing and turning, or he hears a mouse in his room, or his nephews wake up at 8am and wake him up.I really don't undrrstand the sleeping until 3pm. Almost to the point I think he's waking up to drive his ex to work or have lunch with her and THEN going back to sleep until 3pm. HOW can anyone sleep 12 hours a day???? Then sometimes after he wakes up and eats, he'll say he's tired and needs to go to sleep again!! Also, even waking at 3pm, he does feel hungry. This is so odd!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2015): I never grew out of my teenage years and sleep just as much now as I did back then.I need a full 10 hours of "uninterrupted" sleep to feel normal. The lights need to be off, the room warm and completely dark for me to get fall asleep. I'm a light sleeper and a night burner. I like staying up late and frankly, if I had my way, mornings would not exist in my world.I get leg cramps now that I am older, so my sleep is interrupted a lot and I drag throughout the day because of it.I'd have him get a physical check up. Even for me, one who loves to sleep, 12 hours seems excessive.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 September 2015):
 Has he seen a doctor recently? It could be depression as well, the fact that he rather sleep than look for work.
12 hours a day is excessive.
SVC is correct some people "do better" or "feel better" at night. Some feel worse and thus can't sleep. My husband have had most of his heart related issues in the late evenings/night so he refuses to go to bed in case it gets serious and we need to take him to the hospital. He will go to sleep at midnight -1 am and get up at 6 am then "nap" an hour or two when he gets home around 2-3pm (from work). Not health either, but it works for him.
I would suggest your BF gets a check up and work up.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 September 2015):
 The 12 hours is a concern. The timing is the issue.
My husband does better at night and on weekend he stays up till 4 am and sleeps till 4 pm it makes me crazy.
his pulmonologist has explained that some folks do better with night waking and day sleeping and has suggested we try to find a job to work around his preferred time to sleep.
not happening as my hubby is a data analyst but your BF could and should find a job... it will help him get a better schedule.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2015): I'm the OP, Original Poster.
Thanks Auntie BimBim.
He had to take short term disability due to a personal injury. His boss at the restaurant couldn't hold the position for him. He is looking to get back to work but appears to be finding many excuses. We are planning to travel to Asia to visit my family in February.. He says he doesn't want to start a job in fear that they may not approve his vacation time. I told him to let them know up front now, that he will be taking time off in February. They may be fine with it and still hire him or they may not.. but why not give it a try and get back to working now instead of sitting around waiting til after February. He also isn't sure if he wants to go back to working for someone or starting his own business or taking a class to get certified for a new career.
We spend most dinner time together. We will talk on the phone as I'm driving home from work. He also often calls me on the way to the gym and if I'm not already asleep when he gets out of the gym, we will talk a bit too. Weekends, we do spend late afternoon and evenings together, after he wakes up.
We do love each other and do get along. I just don't understand his new found schedule. I keep asking if he's sick or something and he gets mad saying he's not sick and I just don't understand what rough nights he has. Seems he is only able to sleep after 8am, after everyone at his house leaves for work and school. But is it really that bad that he can't sleep at night? I've slept over at his place many times and I sleep fine through the night... but then I wear ear plugs and like to cover my eyes because I like it dark and quiet when I sleep.
I just really hope this is only temporay because I really can't understand this schedule and believe it's not healthy.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (28 September 2015):
 Thanks for the update OP
Are you saying he used to have a part time job starting at noon and ending around 6pm? What happened to the job, did he get the sack (if yes why), or quit (why did he quit).
His excuses for his lifestyle choices sound lame to me, when does he schedule in quality time with you .... do you get squeezed into the 2 hour slot between when he finishes gym and goes out with his friends?
If you are happy as it is, then stay as you are, but if you are looking for a future with a bit more life in it, more relationship time, with more regular hours or with somebody who wants to work towards a future, then you wont be finding it with your current boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2015): I am the OP, Original Poster.A bit of history about this guy - he is in his early 30's. His group of friends mostly work at Bars and Restaurants and don't get off work until 11pm or later. This is why he is used to going to the gym at around 8-9pm and then hanging out with his friends when they get off work at 11pm or midnight. He usually doesn't get home until 1-2am in the morning. He also used to go to Dance Clubs which doesn't let out until 2am. Sometimes he goes straight home after that and sometimes he goes to eat (as he needs greasy food after heavy drinking). He used to have a job at a restaurant which doesn't start until 12noon and he works part time until 6pm.I'm currently in a relationship with him and I work 9-5pm. I go to bed around 11pm and wake up around 7:30am. It's been very very difficult for me to understand his schedule. He blames his need of 12 hours of sleep to his nephews waking him up in the morning, the sound of a mouse in his closet, or constant tossing and turning at night. I just think if he slept earlier, like around midnight, he would get enough rest before his nephew wakes up at 8am, and even if he slept 12 hours, he'll be awake around noon time which makes for a more productive day than waking up at 3pm.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (28 September 2015):
 Hi,
as the first reader mentioned, all these things are possible, however, it may be as simple as this guy just having created a very bad habit and one that will require some professional assistance, to be able to change.
The good news is, provided there are no 'serious' underlying issues, positive 'change' is very possible indeed!
One of the biggest errors of judgement that he is making, is that he is going to bed way too late and he is doing so many daily rituals at the wrong time.
In basic terms, his priorities have gone right out of the window and he needs somebody to tell him so and to even encourage him to sort out his priorities.
He is an adult, he ought know better, however, many young adults and many adults in general, do actually have sleep problems and suffer from insomnia, both in mild to severe form.
You could encourage him to visit his GP and let him know that you care enough about him, to wish to mention that he seek professional help.
It is not your job, nor task, to help him with anything, it is solely his full responsibility.
The problem with getting too involved, however much you may want to, is that you'll find it very emotionally and physically draining after some time and he may just take too much advantage of you, because he'll know you'll always be there to help him and to pick up the pieces and to carry some of his baggage.
You do not want to go there!
His first road to success will be to get to bed at a more reasonable time.
He will need help to do this.
He will have to start with baby steps obviously and after his disorganised patterns at present, nobody can expect him to fix his bad habits immediately.
Unfortuntely, it will take time, but it's not too late.
The body does most of it's full internal repairing between the hours of 11pm and 4am, so when you hear people say, "i need my beauty sleep", they're not wrong!
If you sleep way outside either of these hours, this places all types of internal/external stresses on our bodies, our organs, our minds, our behaviours, our general logic, reasoning and the list goes on and on.
I wonder if this guy used to be a night shift worker, because those who have done years of night shift, often have a body clock that is so out of whack and can take years to get back to normal.
Either way, he needs to sort out his sleeping patterns and get back into a regime of normalacy.
If you feel comfy enough, you could mention to him, that you would encourage him to visit his GP and discuss his poor sleep patterns, his over-sleeping and the fact that he is always tired.
I would say that part of his excess sleeping and his over-tiredness, is actually because he goes to bed at such odd hours.
Sleep is a funny thing, because if we are under-slept, we will still feel tired, if we over-sleep, we can have a very similar effect.
Could he be taking sleeping pills? Too many of them perhaps?
Ruling out the use of drugs, sleeping pills and depression is crucial and if after ruling these important factors out, then he would require the help of a professional to get him back on track.
The other issue here is that, unless 'HE' himself, 'CHOOSES' to seek help, nothing will ever 'CHANGE'.
He must first 'RECOGNISE' that he does have a 'SLEEP ISSUE' and he must 'WANT' to do something about it and make a more positive change to his 'OWN' life.
We all require love and support, regardless of what we do or don't do, in order to make positive change.
Encouragement and belief in one another, is the real key to success.
In life, you will find that most of the worlds most successful people, actually had support in their lives.
Most men and women who had great success had a partner and/or spouse who gave them immense support, thus helping them on their road to success.
I do wish this guy all the best and he will definitely need a wake up call and he may just need a person whom he knows well and trusts, to tell him that he needs to make changes to his life and for the better.
He has created his own web of poor daily rituals, habits and he really doesn't realise/see how bad these habits are.
He may just need that extra voice to remind him and he will find when he gets to bed at a normal and acceptable time, that he will begin to enjoy a full day once again and make the most of that day and make the most of his life.
I suspect this guy isn't working and this would be another huge factor, as to why his sleep patterns are so out of whack, not to mention that he may feel very depressed if he is unemployed, hence his wanting to sleep so constantly, in some ways numbing any painful feelings that he may be having.
Obviously, my comment here, is just a hypothetical, but it could be the case, or it could be something else that is affecting him.
Also, if he had a regular day job, even if not every single day, he would be forced to wake up and get ready for work, he would have a routine and more structure in his life.
The key here though, is not to 'judge' him, but to 'encourage and support' him to visit his GP.
Again, i would strongly encourage him to visit his GP, as his first port of call.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (27 September 2015):
Of course it is possible, its already happening, but it is very unhealthy.
If you are in a position to talk to this person I would strongly suggest a visit to their GP as first port of call, there could be serious underlying health risks, or mental issues such as depression or even drugs being used incorrectly, such as steroids.
Or he may have fallen into a pattern of sleep that he is finding difficult to break, but only a professional can rule out the health issues.
If he is your boyfriend or a family members strongly urge him to seek medical advise, if you are considering him as potential partner material I would suggest you look elsewhere.
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