A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have lasted a year and 4 months with my bf, I have a promiscous past I blame that I was raised with no respect and lost respect for myself. I thought it was important for my bf to know everything about me. These past couple of moths things haven't been too good he offends me because of my past he doesn't accept me. He has gave me reasons to not fully trust him I "bitch" a lot but on my part he has gave me reasons to be that way and I am super attached to him I can't stay away for an hour he's my only focus. I love him to death and wish for it to work out I wish I could take everything back and so does he but it's not possible :( Do I have a chance to win him over one day and makes this all work out like I wish? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): "Do I have a chance to win him over one day and makes this all work out like I wish?" Maybe but not the way you're behaving now.
"I "bitch" a lot, I am super attached to him, I can't stay away for an hour he's my only focus." So you're needy, demanding, clingy, you moan a lot, complain a lot.
"I have a promiscous past I blame that I was raised with no respect and lost respect for myself" You don't take responsibility for your past, you blame how you were raised. In your past and even now, you put all your self worth on men. You turn to us to make you feel good about yourself and while you used to give lots of sex for that reason now you cling on for dear life to a guy you say you can't trust.
Which of those qualities do you think make you attractive as a partner OP? You still have absolutely no respect for yourself and forgive me for saying this but you're too old to blame anyone else for that. You put us guys on a pedestal and what has that done for you? It has made you easy, demanding, clingy and willing to let us fuck you over time and time again.
It's not the relationship you need to fix OP, it's your lack of self-respect. You're still the girl that is too easy. You've just switched your easiness to one guy instead.
In my mind OP I think it would be good for you to lose this guy and stay away from men for a while until you can build a life for yourself that you can be proud of without men. You need to learn independence and you need to learn how to rely on yourself to make yourself happy.
The only way this relationship is going to work is if you get rid of that "he's my only focus" bullshit. No guy wants to be that, it's fucking ridiculous OP and it's smothering.
We guys are not the solution to your problems and you still have a lot of problems OP. You are far too needy, far too clingy and far too demanding. We want to *share* your life not *be* your life, but you have to have a life to be able to share it. So get more things to focus on, have a life worth sharing but most of all learn to love yourself OP and this shit will not keep happening.
I say go for some counselling OP, maybe a professional can go through your past with you and give you the coping mechanisms and perspective to learn to appreciate yourself. Because honestly OP, there is no way us guys are going to want a girl like you for anything other than sex. If you don't see yourself as worth anything then how the hell can we?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): You don't need to win him over. He needs to learn some respect. Your past is your past, we all have things we regret happens and people we wish we never become friends with because it changed us but what you must know is that you are able to come back from whatever past and have respect for yourself.
If you can accept your past you can then move on from it, it doesn't matter now as you are different and you understand the reasons of why it happened so your boyfriend has absolutely no right whatsoever to judge who you were. He wasn't you back then, he didn't have your upbringing or friends so he cannot pass any judgement on decision you made, right or wrong.
You want this to work but relistically it can't because of his attitude towards you. Some men can never get over the idea of their girlfriends doing things wih other men, you know now that you don't need to tell any boyfriend your past and if they ask just say, hey it wasn't out of the ordinary you've had boyfriends and slept with some of them, it's not lying but it's just not giving every detail because like I said, some guys can't handle that info well just like some girls get overly jealous when their bf discloses too much about their ex's.
Please think careful about progressing, you deserve someone who loves you and treats you well and respects the person you are now. Relationships are meant to be enjoyable dispite the odd up and down, but if you are not getting happiness and love back to you then sometimes you have to be brave and make the decision that you just don't work together.
Best of luck in your future xx
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