A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This may seem really easy to do but i cant. I was drunk and i was talking to this girl whos my friend. I guess i said i wanted to have sex with her and she wanted to have it with me. I dont remember this conversation ever taking place. I am friends with her and i dont want to ruin that. I dont want to be mean about it either and I dont think shes very attractive.. I think of her as a Bro!! Not like relationship or hook up. So ladies whats the best way to do this without being mean about it. I dont want to hurt her feelings and I dont want to make things awkwar if we see each other.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): No. Given the age and that its a female, who isn't all that - she has false hopes that if she can lure him into her bed, they can have something and he made clear- NO WAY.
You don't know if she is trying to lure him in so she can gossip about their 'relationship/tryst' or even get pregnant.
You just don't know the girl enough to trust her and I say; that she is PUSHING for you to OWN up to something you can't even recall and may not even happened.
Just do what I said. Apologize. Then stay gaurded with this gal- something isn't jiving.
Call it a 'hunch'.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): Miamine it's not always necessary to fancy someone to have good sex with them. As long as a person can turn you on then you're good to go (well I am anyway) and they don't have to be hot for that to happen. I never normally promote FWB's they don't work someone always gets feelings and someone always gets hurt. But in this case he's told a girl he'd shag her. She's most likely going to get hurt by him dangling that possibility and then going back on it. If all she's looking for is a casual hook up then I don't see what he has to lose. Then again it's easy for me to say seeing as I've spent the last half decade with the same woman. But back in the day sex was sex and I didn't have to fancy a girl to sleep with her, the act itself was enough of an incentive.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (14 December 2011):
 But Cerberus, he says he doesn't fancy her, that's the problem.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): My honest opinion and it may not be a popular one. I'd do her. That's perhaps not the best idea for you or your situation but I'd see no reason not to.
You've only known her a month, she said she's willing, you're single and if she'd be willing to keep it casual and no strings you could have a fun FWB situation with her. It was sex you discussed not a relationship.
The logic behind it is she's going to be pissed now no matter what, rejection after you saying you would, even though you were drunk will sting even though you do have a good reason (you were being a drunken idiot). I honestly think it doesn't matter what you say she's not going to be very fond of you after this and this will get around that you messed her about to other girls in the dorm.
My advice is you really have nothing to lose, the damage has been done and she could be an awesome fuck buddy. Not only that but, and please don't be offended, you're acting like a bit of a weasely wuss by avoiding her. You're not doing your reputation any favours amongst the girls in the dorm by acting this way, because girls talk and she will be moaning about you blowing her off.
I see no reason not to, unless of course (and I don't like putting it this way) she is so unattractive that it is just not possible to get turned on, which for me is exceptionally rare. She may well be a great lay, she may well only want to get laid, if you're good and she's impressed all the other girls will know about it giving you a great reputation and a good chance with the rest of them.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (14 December 2011):
Do it like Chalice says, tell her the truth, you was a drunk idiot and you shouldn't have made a pass at your friend. This way is worse, your giving her false hope.. no point avoiding the painful surgery, but leaving this wound to heal alone is putting it in danger of getting infected.
Don't avoid her, stop with the silly excuses that hurt even more, stop being a coward, you made a mistake, now do the decent thing and put it right.. your hurting her more with this nonsense.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSHe was sober. I was drunk.. also we didnt talk for the next week and she messaged me asking when we can... It was very awkward.. But im afraid ill hurt her feelings she really wants to and I told her yesterday I was studying and her response was" fml omg". Im like scarred to basically keep blowing her off cause she really thinks I want too. cause I guess when I was drunk I seemed I wanted her.. Cause i guess i was flirty.. And im not great friends with her she just lives in the same dorm as me and weve known each other for a month!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): Tell her the truth, I don't even remember having said that. That I did shames me.
My apologies for being so drunk that I acted like a pig and said something that was not appropriate to you.
I am your friend and I broke the trust and for that, I am very sorry. Forgive me. It wont happen again.
The thing I dont like is that, she thinks its okay to hold you to your drunken word?? Where are her brains and self morality on that one?
I understand things may be awkward for awhile but it will pass. What is important is that you apologize and ensure you never call her when you are drunk.
Also, it is NOT appropriate to mix sex and alcohol anways- its highly irresponsible. So many things can and have gone wrong.
She is a good friend, she will understand.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): I'm unclear as to why you feel you need to OP.
Nothing in your question says you have to explain anything to her. It was just you drunkenly saying you wanted to shag her. So what?
Don't say anything unless there's more that you haven't told us, we all say stupid shit when we're drunk and unless she's an absolute spanner she knows not to take drunken talk too seriously.
How do you know she meant what she said? What makes you think what she said wasn't just drunk talk?
Just let it go and don't worry about it until you have to. If she asks you about it just say you assumed she was only saying it because she was drunk.
If something happens where you do have to talk to her about it. Just use the old proven favourite "I value your friendship too much to risk it."
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