A
female
age
30-35,
*jpb15
writes:I need a bit of advice (obviously). me and my boyfriend of two years are expecting our second child, (i know two children in 2 years doesnt look good) before i fell pregnant with my second child, i kissed another girl, (yes i'm female) however we had separated due to personal circumstances. however he confessed last week he got drunk and kissed someone else. he said it made him realise he wanted to be with me noone else, and when i asked why? his reply was along the lines of "I dont feel as bad knowing you've done it too." is this is way of getting back at me? i love my boyfriend with all my heart and we've been fine recently, its just everytime he kisses me or tries to instigate sex... i feel dirty because im thinking about the other girl he kissed. any advice would be appreciated. i know i love him very much but is it possible to get past cheating?
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (16 December 2012):
IT depends. In this case it was one drunken kiss and you’d done the same. All this when you were apparently split up anyway. So if you really want to make a go of this relationship you’ve both got to sit down together and admit to your mistakes. You then need to agree to start again: that means truly starting afresh, and not bringing up each other’s mistakes next time you’re arguing about something, it means saying sorry and forgiving each other, then talking about what went wrong last time to cause the split and discussing how you make things better next time. Was it bad communication? Were you both stressed out as young parents and taking it out on each other rather than talking about it? Whatever it was, figure it out and agree ways to handle it differently next time. If you want to get over the cheating, you need to agree afresh the boundaries and expectations of this relationship. If you don’t look at the issues that caused your split you’re just resurrecting something that was failing.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (7 December 2012):
I get you want to make this work for the kids. And by all means try. Just know when to stop.
First of all, make it clear that what he did was not the same: you kissed someone when you and him were broken up. He kissed someone while still being officially with you. That's a big difference. So get that out of the way first.
Secondly, if he wants the "kissing someone else made me realize I want to be with you" stuff to work he has to at least feel sorry about cheating on you. Yes, your kiss what not a good idea, but at least you didn't betray him. I don't know if it's his way of getting back at you, so why not ask him? You can read the truth from his eyes when he starts talking.
Talk over what exactly happened and how you feel about it. Unless you two get on the same wavelength, this will not work.
Just consider one thing: if your temporary separation wasn't very clearly discussed or mentioned, he does have a point. So consider that. Your relationship is on shaky ground as it is, so you both need to accept your mistakes and take responsibility in order to move forward.
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