A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Younger Men to Older Woman age gap.- Is it possible for a guy in his late teens/early 20s to fantasise or admire a woman in her late 40s/early 50s?? I get along well with a young man who is from a different country, much younger than me and from a different generation to me. We have different backgrounds but get along great. Is that at all possible??Is he just liking my friendship and wisdom or could there be something more? I don't look my age at all, but nor am I a stunning beauty by any standards.Your thoughts please? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2019): You do not want him.He is mentally ill and has mommy issues.Why deal with that?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2019): You think he might have a crush on you? I wonder if it’s you having the crush ?
If he’s a teen and you are 40: something... you might want to slow your roll. Entering the creepy zone otherwise
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2019): Of course. I've had plenty. But you have to ask what his motivation is. Does he have anything to gain? In other words, what's his game?
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (28 April 2019):
 I wonder, is it possible he is a long way from home and he sees you as a "mother figure"? If you are kind to him, he will gravitate towards that.
That said, just as some men prefer blondes or brunettes, or slim or curvy women, some men prefer older women. There was a post on here only recently where a man was marrying someone who was older than his parents and had only ever felt attracted towards older women.
It is possible to have close friendships with the opposite sex without there being anything sexual involved. It sounds like you are hoping there IS a sexual element involved in your relationship. This sounds like it is YOUR fantasy. Perhaps you need to widen your circle of friends and meet men nearer your own age (if you are not already in a relationship, of course, as you don't mention your status).
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2019): Hi. I am the original poster and thanks for your answers. We are just at the talking stage at the moment as I would feel too embarrassed at my age to ask for anything more. I have had experience of an older but still younger than me guy who was just after money so yes I am aware of people like that. This guy is more more sweet & innocent than that.
But yes Code Warrior - your answer is comforting to know that you knew & admired a lovely older lady from a distance even though it didn't go any further - it's nice to know that it is possible between two very different people in an affectionate way.
Unrequited love is very sweet and I am not 100% sure if he does feel admiration for me or just a friendly bond, I just wanted to know if it was possible & so it's nice to know there could be a spark.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2019): Sorry to disappoint you but usually such relationship is only about sex and, yes love too but nothing else in common. If he is from another country and living alone he obviously is very lonely. I did my university years in another country other than mine and I know how lonely and scarey it can be when you are alone and how easy it is to be attached to another person. As long as you keep this in mind have a nice time.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 April 2019):
 Sure, why not?
But I do think (like WiseOwlE) pointed out that you need to use common sense here too.
While it's LOVELY to be adored (at any age) Most women (and men) who get taken for a mug, scammed or USED for (usually) monetary gain... are OLDER than the scammer.
They KNOW a single woman in her late 40+ get a LOT less "action" and attention and are darn more grateful when they DO get it, than a younger woman.
So as long as you DO NOT give him money or gifts or let him LIVE with you for nothing... in short, DO NOT involve money at all in this, then enjoy his company. It doesn't HAVE to turn romantic. That is up the the pair of you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2019): Be careful! In most instances it's innocent, and you are admired and bestowed for your best attributes.
You are seen as a source of inspiration; and sometimes there is actually a crush. We are in a modern-era that is fueled and contaminated with porn. You may be a willing guinea pig for a fantasy experiment. Lonely mature people are frequent and easy targets for money-scams and extortion plots. I expect there will be answers to appeal to your vanity and flatter you; but I'm going to be honest too. It's easy to get "likes" and fans for just about anything. Sometimes you just need to stop and think.
Before I wave the banners and sing a chorus of "you go girl!" I'll just remind you that there is nothing wrong with being admired by, or attracted to, someone of legitimate age. As long as both parties are consensual to whatever it is you want to engage in.
It's just too easy to be targeted by opportunists, and flatters with ulterior-motives. Flattery and flirtation can also be tainted with contempt.
Before you allow yourself to be swept away by someone young enough to be your son; be level-headed, and consider his character. Make sure you become very well-acquainted; to make sure it's not your purse he's so attracted to. Beware of too much flirtatious-flattery, cheesy compliments, and finding yourself always reaching for your wallet!
It is not my intention to be sexist, take the wind out of your sails, or to be cynical. I don't scorn reality, and have no aversion to the truth. Both seem to be fleeting commodities these days! Morals are passe, values are for dead-people, and everyone throws caution to the wind; as long as we get something out of the deal. I'm just saying!
I prefer to look at things from several different perspectives; and always try to use the best of my judgement when answering these posts. I'm not gunning for popularity. I love people, and I want to share my wisdom and experience to give back. I've learned many things; and life has been both good and bad to me. I've loved and lost like everybody else!
I work-out, and take good care of myself. I still realize that not looking your age doesn't mean that you're not your age.
As acceptable as it may be these days for people to date and marry people young enough even to be your grandchildren; can't we just stop and realize there was a time we had to experience life in doses appropriate to our age? Live to discover who we are, hone our talents, and just enjoy being young! Growing-up with those in our own peer-group; and having the same level of youthfulness and energy.
Of course, young people in their teens and early 20's can be attracted to older-people. They are full of raging hormones and will have sex two or three times a day, if it's available. Being a person who has it together, mature, dignified, and classy; you'll surely turn a head of any age. I know, because it happens to me too. It's tough, but I do my best to stick to my own rules and standards. I still screw-up time to time!
I've resolved myself to tame my vanity and manage my need to be noticed. Who doesn't like attention? I had my day, and I was always attracted to older-men as a young gay-man. They always appreciated the flattery; but pat me on my head, and directed me towards my contemporaries. I loved their style and how they had it on the ball. They were sexy and handsome. I wanted success and to be like them. Now I am! They gave me good advice and were great mentors.
I've known older-men with money; shamed by their lecherous behavior, after being played by young-guys. Stolen credit cards, missing money, or they were left up to their necks in debt. All for the sake of vanity, and the twinkle in a younger-man's eye. If you go down that path, know the caveats!
Enjoy the attention, but also consider which is more important. Your dignity, or your vanity? Is he better-off learning how to deal with women his own age, maturing and working his way up to someone as mature, sophisticated, and experienced as yourself? If it's about sex, with no emotional-attachment; I guess that's the "in-thing." Trying to romance someone who looks puzzled when you use certain terms and mention names from a by-gone era; you start to feel aged.
His young friends will look at you like you're three-times your age! They'll say "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am!" Not in politeness, as a dig!
Under the auspices of political-correctness; people will all pretend to admire a May/December romance. Meanwhile, capturing secret pics on their cell phones, whispering when your head is turned; and laughing behind your back. That will include your friends!
Prepare to deal with public-opinion, his parents, and the stares of younger-women. Old-men may chase or marry young-women; but they usually end-up with empty wallets and cashing-out divorce-settlements that drive them into poverty or bankruptcy. With the evil kind being the exception. They demand prenups and are usually scoundrels!
Society may be more used to men ignoring age-differences; but that doesn't mean there's always a good outcome for either party. Either-one could be being used for anything but love.
It doesn't matter whether it's younger women for older men, or younger men for older women; I think this world is gone completely "anything goes!" Regardless of consequences, logic, or values. "Just do it if it feels good!"...or... "Get it if you can!" Not everything we want makes sense; and it's not always right, because it makes you feel happy.
Go for it, if the benefits are mutual; and it's a win-win proposition for everyone involved.
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