A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been dating a girl for a few weeks and the last couple we haven't seen each other as she doesn't live in my town but is here usually working on weekends. She's been a little distant not sending me messages a lot as before and in the space of these two weeks I've even asked here if things were over between us and she said stop worrying, everything is ok. Last weekend I called her again she said the only problem she had with me is that I worry. I asked her if she wanted to meet up but said because of Xmas time she has to visit her family in a few different places which are quite far and didn't know when she'd be in town next because of that, we kind of left it there and I haven't heard from her since last weekend. I'm wanting to ask her if things are finished but not sure how to word it. How would you put it? I want to sound fair and as nice as possible, I want to move on if I have to, I don't want to stay in contact like this. I really need closure I can't just go on guessing. I have caused a few problems with her previously, one being I was late for our date and the other was that she suggested we meet the next day to get more time together however I waited on her contacting me that day but she didn't, I feel I should have contacted her not the other way around. I also sent a confusing message which when I think about it sounded like I was trying to end it with "I enjoyed our time together, take care". I called her three days later when I didn't get a reply she did answer the call and we spoke briefly and now this from last weekend. Why is she saying everything is ok and for me not to worry? Things feel different because she is not really contacting me it seems I'm the one doing it but she replies it doesn't make sense. If I wasn't interested I'd make it clear.Thanks in advance
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2011): Hi, do you think I should just ask her if we're through somewhere along the lines of "Just wondering if we're through as I didn't want to just assume" ? It's just we haven't seen each other in nearly a month and she's not messaged me as much as she did at the start. However if I make contact she always answers and the last message she even included a 'x' and said it was good to hear from me. It's all so confusing, this is kind of giving me hope as it seems she's still interested but now I have doubt because of her distancing. I know it's the holidays and there have been answers.
Thanks for your kind advice.
A
male
reader, moog1972  +, writes (28 December 2011):
Hi, do you think I should just ask her if we're through somewhere along the lines of "Just wondering if we're through as I didn't want to just assume" ? It's just we haven't seen each other in nearly a month and she's not messaged me as much as she did at the start. However if I make contact she always answers and the last message she even included a 'x' and said it was good to hear from me. It's all so confusing, this is kind of giving me hope as it seems she's still interested but now I have doubt because of her distancing. I know it's the holidays and there have been answers.
Thanks for your kind advice.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 December 2011):
 STOP trying to have a relationship via TEXT Messages.
plain and simple.. make a phone call.. ask her out
don't send texts that are songs... again TEXTS are for IMPORTANT time sensitive things.. "train is 15 minutes late" NOT to make a person have a relationship with you.
maybe give her a call after the first of the year and ask her for dinner.... NOT by text.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2011): Hi, I'm the original poster ... I did message her on Christmas day and she replied, I said I hope she was having a good time and wished her a happy Christmas. She replied within the hour and said she was alright and told me what she was doing. She ended the text with "its good to hear from you! x" - Now things seem to be fine. I'm not sure where to take it from here. I want to be very careful and not blow it. I also sent her a reply just a kind sentence from a song she liked but she hasn't answered that or sent me anything that was last evening.
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A
male
reader, Ldu  +, writes (24 December 2011):
like she said stop worrying. If its over you will know forsure. She might just be busy or still might be mad at you for alrdy sending her that txt . Dont stress about it , let her contact you now.
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A
male
reader, Ldu +, writes (23 December 2011):
like she said stop worrying. If its over you will know forsure. She might just be busy or still might be mad at you for alrdy sending her that txt . Dont stress about it , let her contact you now.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 December 2011):
I like what Tisha said.
It's almost like you are trying to MAKE this fail..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2011): I would just treat it as she is, casual dating,you barely know each other. We all have other plans this time of year and our own personal lives take 2nd place, as yours should.
Send her a text Xmas eve/day if you want, then just carry on like your single and see what happens in January - if your still free.
And in future relax more,have some confidence,don't disect every word or conversation,think before you message a girl and if your going to be late, let the girl know.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (23 December 2011):
 Hoo boy! What ARE you doing - trying to make your fears that she isn't interested in you and might want to end it a self-fulfilling prophecy? If so, you're going about it in the right way!
If this is not what you want, you seriously need to chill out and relax. She told you you're worrying too much and that nothing is wrong. So PLEASE accept that and recognize that you've only been dating a few weeks which is basically the blink of an eyelid, you know. As Tisha-1 points out, its the holiday season, and she'll be very busy with family and friends - as we would hope you might be excited about seeing them too - (your family/friends, that is).
So slow down, and see her when you can, and enjoy the time you do spend with her. If you can be relaxed, friendly, happy to see her and DO NOT put pressure on her, things will go along a lot more smoothly.
Do pay attention to Tisha's excellent advice!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2011): to Tisha-1, I don't think it's just casual. Sometimes people use the term "dating" to mean the same as "my girlfriend".
I think you are getting a little too clingy and needy. I know you may not mean to but I am 95% sure she is feeling that from you. Why she suddenly changed on the relationship could be any number of reasons. One is maybe she has decided it was moving a little too fast and has backed off some. Maybe she is doubting the relationship some but is not ready to break it off yet because she doesn't know if she wants too. But, there is usually some truth in insticts. There probably is some kind of problem, whether it be another guy she's liking or she is just becoming unhappy with the relationship. The best thing for you to do is just go about your business and have a good Christmas and don't worry about her for now except to text her a "have a good holiday and I will see you when you get back.". I know this is hard to do but there is nothing you can say that is going to make it better. I will just make you more needy in her eyes and less interested. Now, if you just don't like her that much and don't feel like chilling out for a while and you want to end it with her, then just do so. Like pulling off a bandaid.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 December 2011):
 Why are you pushing for "closure" on a casual dating relationship during the holiday season? Are you anxious or unable to have something just put on hold? She's traveling to family who are far away, there's last minute shopping/plans/cooking/parties, she may not have a whole lot of time to give to a casual date right now. It's a busy, stressful time for most people.
Other people who normally may be on the back-burner get priority at this time, like family and other friends.
I'd contact her, say something like, 'I hope you have a great Christmas! Hey, are you free for New Year's Eve?' (Do this only if you have NYE free and can make plans.)
If you're expecting her to drop everything for you and are disappointed that she hasn't, well, she may have a different idea of how involved you two are at the moment.
If you want to crystallize a 'no', you could message her with something like this: "Meg, it's been a great few weeks getting to know you. I want more time with you after all the craziness of the holidays are over. Are you in?" And see what she comes back with.
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A
female
reader, WomenofGod +, writes (23 December 2011):
OK...Well she could still be interested. But your the man, are making sure your worth her time. If you really like her you should be putting all your efforts into showing and expressing this. I mean, OK showing up late for a date..its a big NO! Your basically showed her that she wasn't important enough for you to arrive on time. My advice to you is think..do you really like this girl? If so try a little harder because a good women is hard to come by these days, and if you kinda like her then stop wasting her time..she has holiday planning to do.:-) Any ways like she said don't worry life is to short! Be happy!God Bless
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