A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm planning to lose my virginity to my boyfriend in the not-too-distant future, but while I'm excited about the prospect I know I'm going to be pretty nervous too! I'd like to create an atmosphere in the bedroom (nothing too extravagent - maybe some tealights and a few handfuls of rose petals scattered on the duvet) because I'm sure it'll help me relax, and I'm quite romantic at heart. I was thinking to set it up as a surprise... but now I'm wondering if my boyfriend would mind. Because he's had sex before (I'm 19, he's almost 22), I'm worried he might think I'm making a fuss unnecessarily. I know he'd have enough sensitivity not to say anything even if that were the case, but still, I'd like the whole experience to feel special for both of us. Don't get me wrong, I don't have any expectations - I know it'll probably be a bit awkward and painful, so however it goes I won't be disappointed. Do you think it'd be alright to set a mood though? I'd be very grateful for any opinions x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 November 2011):
 Honestly, I think he will appriciate it. And yes, I think it's ok to set a mood.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2011): Remember the choice is yours. You can either be something to many men or EVERYTHING to one man.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 November 2011):
 Yes, just set the mood you want, it's your first time after all and your boyfriend should be all about making things comfortable for you, his pleasure coming in second. It's YOUR first time after all, and for a woman it can be unpleasant the first time, which is why he needs to focus on you this time around, and not on himself.
As long as he takes it slow though, and you are excited and well lubricated (in other words properly turned on) it will probably not hurt at all, or maybe just a tiny bit. Just go slow, rub up against each other a lot, play with each others bodies, foreplay, and don't am at him entering you with his entire length. A little at first, and then maybe a little more later.
Make this about YOU, not him. He'll find it hot and exciting no matter what, and there's no such rule that the man must orgasm each time you have sex (after all, women rarely orgasm each time they have sex). So don't worry about him, and if you want to stop at any point, then stop.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 November 2011):
 ??? Never, ever anywhere outside of Dear Cupid I hear virginity and premarital sex brought up as an issue and a value in real life. Never. And if you think that I live in Italy !...
Guarding your virginity till the wedding night it's sort of mandatory, I'd say, only for religious reasons. If you are a firm believer and staunch follower of a religion which prescribes premarital chastity, then yes, male or female, you should abstain. Pacts are pacts, and need to be observed, so if you entered in a solemn,conscious pact with your God to keep your virginity, then yes, act consequently.
Otherwise, why an unmarried reasonable adult should give up the exercise of her sexuality ? So that some insecure can get to say " Yey, I am the first ! Nobody got here before me ! I am going to plant my flag on this vagina ! "
Sorry about the rant and the mini hijacking of the thread ; back to your question, OP . I think you'll find out that , disappointly enough, your bf would not care either way :) . He is not going to be freaked out by your scented candles and rose petals, nor he's going to be enthralled by them. His mind is very probably going to be focused on something totally different than your carefully chosen accessories :). But , you are right . this is your big night, and you have to make it as much comfortable as you need, and as romantic and special as you want. You set the stage and choose the props, don't worry, this is YOUR first time, I am sure you'll bf will understand . So go get out those tealights and silk sheets etc. ... and don't forget the "right" music !
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2011): Do both of you have any intentions of getting married? Has he made up his mind to make you his wife soon? Are you 100% sure that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you? Is it a fair exchange to offer a man your virginity without him offering you a ring to replace it? There's just no gurantee that you will look back at this moment without regret years from now. If you want it to be truly special offer it to him as his wife. That way he will truly be worthy of it because he allowed himself to be bounded by his vows to love & honor only you & no other woman. Sorry for being a party pooper but remember, the right road is often the road less travelled. The choice is yours.
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A
female
reader, KittieS +, writes (4 November 2011):
 Such an exciting time for you :)YOu have a met a lovely boy that you are ready to make love too, he wont mind one bit!Can i suggest, spraying your sheets with your perfume, belive me he will love you have made the effort, the whole matcho thing doesnt apply when a boy loves a girl xYou also mention it might be painful, it doesnt have to be - if he is gentle which this one sounds like he might be, if your both in the mood and those little extras your planning the candles ( i also recommend you think about having sex with him a lot before) the candles and the fact you will be thinking about it will make you feel just right - tell him to be gentle with you, and when your ready (your know) it will happen and it wont be painful, if it is slightly ask him to slow down.im actually slightly jealous!
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (4 November 2011):
 Do whatever you would like to that will make it special and as comfortable as possible for you. He will definately understand.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 November 2011):
 Honestly, your boyfriend isn't going to care what the room looks like. All he cares about is what you and him are doing on that bed.
If you want to get all decorative and romantic for your first time, then by all means go for it. Instead of tea lights, maybe one of those nice smelling aromatherapy candles, real rose petals can be expensive and leave marks on your nice duvet if rubbed into it so I would use faux, and maybe drape some scarves over the lamps so you're not doing it in the dark or bright white lights.
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A
male
reader, Mr Anonymous +, writes (4 November 2011):
I think it is perfectly natural and acceptable for you to set up your surroundings in a way that makes you comfortable. I'm sure he will find it very sweet of you. Even if us males scoff at the idea of romance on occassion, most of us deep down actuallly quite like for their to be a sensual, romantic atmosphere.
He will be way too focused on the lovely lady in front of him, and thinking how lucky he is to bother with judging your "personal touches" to the environment, you can be sure of that :)
Just ensure that you are 100% comfortable and fuss as much as you please, it will be a very special night for you both.
Best of luck
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