A
female
age
36-40,
*erson1331
writes:I have been with my husband for almost four years. When we had been dating for a month I told him that I hated giving head. We have been married for a little over a year now and he is telling me that if I don't find a way to enjoy giving him head that our marriage will be over! I love him with all my heart but, I can't seem to find out how to enjoy giving him head. I have read all kinds of things and that is just not helping! What do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2011): Thank u for the update.
When u said u will try a few of the suggestions: are these the suggestions for a divorce or are these the suggestions to try and engage in oral more?
Just asking....
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, person1331 +, writes (8 November 2011):
person1331 is verified as being by the original poster of the question
Thank you all!!! You had some good answers. I will be trying a few of the sugestions and will let you know how it goes.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (7 November 2011):
Well first of all, is he really serious or just jesting? If he is realy serious then you have bigger issue than whether you like giving a blow job or not. Otherwise hes making a very unsubtle hint that hes not satisfied, I must admit I find a blow job a poor substitute for real penetration but my wife loves doing it and as I really enjoy making her come with my tongue and fingers I understand that it is the same for her, so I relectantly give in, hahaha, and come for her! You dont have to swallow, in fact it wont take you long to realise when he is past the point of no return and you just use you hands and then rub it on your body, I think he would like that. . . . . . PS. If you have a hygene issue then make sure you are both freshly showered, and what about good ole 69 ? Then you both enjoy!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2011): I usually side with men on subjects of sexual requests but this time I think you are in the right. Your hubby knew you weren't into oral when you got married and now he is changing his tune.
I could understand him requesting oral. But an ultimatum to break up the marriage over it is uncalled for.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 November 2011):
 I'm 100% with YouWish., but if you want to stay married, I think Chigirl has an excellent solution.
My question is this, did you give him head before you got married? And if you did, why did you stop? If you didn't.. well, then he ought to have known that you weren't keen on BJ's.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (4 November 2011):
 First off, I am going to state that no one should do anything that they don't want to in the bedroom. It sounds like you made your position fairly clear during the dating process and now he is playing marital blackmail with you to get what he needs. In my book, that is just dead wrong.
However, before I write this one off, I'd like you to ask yourself why you don't like oral sex. Does he not perform it on you? Is he not clean? Is he expecting deep throat or swallowing or porn-like acts? Perhaps there is a middle ground here... there are flavored gels out there and other aids to might help you get over your aversion.
What I am more concerned about, however, is why your husband would throw the ultimatum card on you. That indicates to me that he is likely unsatisfied with your sex life. Do you regularly have sex? Do you (as a couple) keep it interesting? Is it is frequent enough? Do you turn him down more than you say yes? If so, that could be the source of the problem.
I think there is a LOT more going on in your relationship that you haven't told us about. Your husband is willing to throw away the years you've invested together because of this, so something isn't right. I'd sincerely urge you to seek counseling, either on your own or as a couple to help you sort through whatever is going on. This is serious enough to warrant such action.
Best wishes
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (4 November 2011):
 This man is using emotional blackmail to get oral sex from his wife.
Not exactly a recipe for a happy marriage if everything is about him and his penis.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2011): i think im going to be in trouble again but hey im a big girl, i can handle the criticism:Honey, your hb has told you what he enjoys. is there a very specific reason why you hate giving oral? i think your hb was tactless in "demanding" oral BUT as your hb he is entitled to discussing his wishes with you.very recently my very dear friend confided in me that her hubby wanted anal sex. she was horrified, started questioning his motives (affair? fetish? perversion?).i advised her that her hb loved her enough to make his wishes/fantasy known. it would have been so easy for him to seek this sex out of his marriage bec he was unsure how she would react. even though she shot him down initially, we discussed it. she also spoke to other close friends firstly bec she was scared and secondly it seemed going against her religion. but having friends like us, we educated her, the pros and cons. i also sent her info that i researched and lastly we both visited the sex shop. its a few fews later and the feedback is that BOTH her hubby and herself love this. the KEY was patience. her hubby was patient as she "researched" this new phase in their lives.op, u can decided how to tackle your hubbys "demand"for oral sex. you are a young woman. i am 41 this year and ive told my hubby that he can ask me anything and i will try it. im sure i'll be nervous and over analyse his request But i will research and most definately i'll write to DC for help. im not a shy gal when it comes to maintaining my marriage but as long as it is just the 2 of us, ill try anything. i would rather my hubby asks me than look elsewhere. it is the ATTITUDE that goes with the request and the response thereafter.LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 November 2011):
 I agree with YouWish.
I'd help him pack his bags in fact.
It's not like you lied and pretended to like them to get him to marry you. He knew this was a limitation of your relationship.
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A
female
reader, KittieS  +, writes (4 November 2011):
 Your husband will leave you after four years of marriage because you won't give him a BJ?What a horrible thing to say to you! Does he go down on you regularly? I personally find the BJ a very hard thing to tackle, I love the idea of it, I want to do it, but even pre-cum makes me want to vomit, I love kissing my OH down there round and about if you understand.. Will he leave me because I don't go all out - no, because he would not want me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with! This man is your husband, he's out of order in my opinion he has no right to tell you what you "must" do he should be respecting you enough to know it's not for you.Now totally contradicting myself, you can prevent the sperm hitting your mouth by holding a "vein" in the lower part of the penis as he is about to cum - takes some practise (I'm trying at the moment with hand jobs) he still chums but it's stored and you release after.But if you don't feel comfortable with it don't do it, he's a compete tool threatening your marriage what's next - no anal sex and I'm out if here!I wish you the best of luck x
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (4 November 2011):
 I think Chigirl's suggestion is a good one. Those sleeves can feel very realistic, especially if it's you using it on him.If he can't accept that, then take him up on his offer and leave the selfish jerk. Marriage does not equal sexual slave. You are more than entitled to not perform sex acts you dislike. YouWish pretty much covered it all with this. He is being a selfish jerk. There are two involved in a marriage, those two are you and him not him and his penis.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2011): Oh my goodness what a horrible man! If he loved you then he wudn do that to you. Call his bluff and kick him out!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 November 2011):
 I'd take him up on it and end the marriage. A sexual act should never be coerced, pressured, guilted, or forced upon another person. You never deceived him by saying you liked it and then pulling a bait and switch. You informed him from the start what you did and didn't like to do. He chose to continue a relationship with you.
What bug me the most about this is...he's not telling you that you should simply give him head, but that you had to "enjoy" it. You never mentioned whether or not he is enjoying giving you head, but I'm guessing that this is a one way street.
You do not want to stay married to him, and you definitely do not want to cave in and pretend to enjoy it, or you will be beyond miserable, and your love will turn to hate. Only then, you could be tied to him with a house or kids.
End it early and now. This guy is not showing you love by making you "enjoy" a sex act he likes and then giving you an ultimatum. That is wrong, and you do not want to do anything but stand up for yourself here.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 November 2011):
 Buy a sleeve, a masturbation sleeve. Buy some lubricant. Sit down on your knees in front of him and use the sleeve on him, as a substitute for giving head. Have a mirror behind you so that when he looks into it, it'll look like you are giving him head. His imagination should do the rest. Alternatively have him watch a porn movie where there are blowjobs while you use your hands or sleeve on him.
You can't be forced into loving blowjobs, if you don't then you don't. If he choses to let the marriage go because of this then you decide: is it better to be with a man who forces you to do a sexual act you dislike, or is it better to divorce a man who finds blowjobs more important than the marriage vows?
I'd love to help you enjoy giving head, but it should be done only if YOU want it. These aren't the right reasons for you to learn to enjoy it, you are being FORCED and manipulated into it...! Blowjobs will be forever associated with something negative and his horrible ultimatum if you were to do them under these circumstances.
Talk to him. Don't give in. Explain that while you would love to learn to enjoy giving blowjobs, because you love him and enjoy pleasing him, you absolutely will NOT respond to threats. If he thinks your marriage is not worth more than a stupid blowjob then maybe he actually SHOULD leave. Because I do not see how he can stay married with that kind of attitude "either you do as I tell you to or I divorce you". By that standard you can tell him you will divorce HIM unless he stops nagging about blowjobs.
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