A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Sometimes my boyfriend feels more like a friend with benefits or something. I love him to pieces, I trust him completely, he understands me better than anyone; in short, he's the best mate I could ever wish for. But thinking of the fact that we're supposed to be dating always seems a bit strange to me, like something about it doesn't quite make sense. Perhaps it's because we're long distance? He's not in any way the type I'd usually go for, and I don't think I'm his either, even though he chose me! For the most part, the dynamics of our relationship are rather romantic friendshippy; we flirt and good-naturedly mock each other and it's more natural somehow in public to link arms and cuddle than to hold hands and make out. Objectively, as a couple we look odd. And yet, when we're alone at night (and only then) we seem to have the most amazing sexual chemistry... I haven't got anything to compare it to because he's the only person I've ever been in any way intimate with, but I can't imagine anyone could make me feel the way he does. I'll admit I find other guys more physically attractive at first glance, but I know that's only skin-deep and in my heart I don't want to leave my boyfriend because of the profound emotional bond and easy mental connection that we share. I've never met another person with whom I have such a rapport. I know this all sounds a bit muddled, I'm sorry. I guess what I'm trying to ask is, is it okay to feel this way? Like the relationship you have with your partner is primarily friendship but with an added sexual dimension? Or does there have to be something more? Thank you so much in advance to anyone who replies x
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flirt, friend with benefits, long distance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 September 2011):
 Adamantine, I did say that love could come with time if the spend more time together.
But to go for years in a relationship without love, or get married without love, would not be recommended, because as soon as you then fall in love with someone else you'll not value your initial relationship (because you never had that love feeling for your initial partner).
A
female
reader, Madalo 1  +, writes (25 September 2011):
Sounds fine to me. You're comfortable with each other, good friends, sex is great. Whats missing?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 Let's pick out the two phrases that really get to the heart of your question:
1. "my boyfriend feels more like a friend with benefits or something.", and,
2. "Perhaps it's because we're long distance?"
THEREIN is your answer.... What guy wouldn't LOVE to have a girl who he could visit and have sex with.... then revert back to his "other" life where he doesn't have to see, or interact with her until the next time that he goes to visit and have sex.....
You can feel however you want about this arrangement... but the crux of the matter is contained in the assessment above.....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 I disagree with chigirl that there needs to be love. The primarily friends part with the added sexual dimensions I think is how most relationships start out. Love takes time to grow so it isn't going to be there from the outset.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (25 September 2011):
Like the relationship you have with your partner is primarily friendship but with an added sexual dimension? Or does there have to be something more?
Yes, there needs to be something more: love. If you aren't in love then what you have is a friendship with mutual sexual attraction. In other words: an exclusive FWB.
Maybe you'll fall in love after spending more time together?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 The answer to your question is yes it is ok to feel this way. Everyone has there doubts in relationships and there weak spots. It sounds to me like you have a very smart head on your shoulders and you know what you want which is great. Ok so the relationship might not be perfect. You might feel that you both might not be suited. But as long as you are happy in the relationship well then I wouldn't stress about it. Nobody can predict the future so just live every moment as a happy one.
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