A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:[OP's original title]I'm a healthy 26 year old male with 2 great sons, ages 3 and 6 months. I've been in a relationship with their mother for almost 8 years (not married). Now we've fallen on somewhat rougher times with me losing my job (the construction company I worked for went under), there hasn't been money to do everything she'd like to. Food, rent and stuff like that isn't a problem because I do a lot of side work, I can even manage to take the family out somewhere nice once or twice a week.Anyway, my girlfriend decided to go live with her parents for the time being, since they have money and took my sons along with her. She's been gone for over 2 months now and every time I ask her when she's coming back I can sense she wants to avoid the conversation and tells me she doesn't know. When I push the issue she tells me she doesn't want to fight.I understand things are better over there with her parents and my 3 year old likes it over there since they have a large house with a nice yard and our place is an apartment downtown.Now, every night I'm by myself in this apartment, unbelievably bored and lonely to the point I can feel depression kicking in. I've even picked up new hobbies to try to keep myself occupied, but it's not enough. I've communicated this with my girlfriend but it's like talking to a wall.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): I would suggest that you ask her to move home or you will be talking to a lawyer about custody of the children. You will have to check local laws but since you are not married you will not have to split things 50/50 and what ever you do don't marry her because if she behaves this way when you are not married, imagine how she will behave when she has you over that barrel.
A
female
reader, OhGetReal  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 I think it is time for an ultimatum and ultimatums rarely work, so be prepared to walk away.
You aren't married to this woman but you have two kids with her and you've been together 8 years? I do believe this makes you common law spouses.
This makes her entitled to things monetarily should you split up, is she working? Helping to support the family? If not, why not?
She's behaving ridiculously and immaturely, if you all are raising kids together, then what the hell is she doing running to mommy and daddy and letting them take care of her and the kids? It's insane and I can't believe her parents are enabling her in this way.
I don't think cheating is your problem, I think this relationship is. I would tell her you want her to move in within x number of days or you will consider this relationship terminated and you all will be talking about visitation rights and custody for your children and ask her if that is what she wants for the next 18 years?
Tell her to grow up and decide what she wants.
And then how about making this a legal union as in marriage? That is if she decides to come back.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): Ask her when she is coming home with your children to at least work on whatever issues there are, and if she says never then that makes you a free man and it isn't cheating.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): I think you need to ask her straight out is she ever coming back, or for a real date. I hope i'm wrong but I don't think she is.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (20 August 2010):
 Regardless of the situation, cheating is never okay. If working things out with your girlfriend is no longer an option, it would be best to break if off with her. Staying together for your childrens' sake will do more harm than good. They'll surely pick up on the fact that something is going on, and eventually one of you is going to want to end the relationship anyway.
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