A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What level off flirting is acceptable?Is it acceptable to flirt when you are in a fully committed relationship? I ask this question because i have no intention of cheating or getting with anyone other than the one i love.However saying that i find that for me i can strike off a witty conversation that will last for hours with a bit of flirting... this only happens with someone where there is potential to get it on, but that is not what i am interested in, so i want to know how much flirting is acceptable.Is it okay to be smooth with women when your committed to your lover?Is it okay to say something like "The only place you should be is in my bed" to another other than your lover? I feel like i really enjoy deep conversation i have with random females all based on flirting, but it makes me feel very guilty, so guilty.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): Flirting is simply advertising your availability. If you are not available, then you should not flirt.
Period.
"i have no intention of cheating or getting with anyone"
Yet, your actions say otherwise, they say that you aren't so committed that you won't flirt, which means that you aren't certain, etc, etc. You are keeping your options open
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): A good rule of thumb is: would the other woman take your words to mean that you are interested in her and would like to date her, sleep with her, be in a relationship with her?
If the answer is yes, then DON'T DO IT/DON'T SAY IT. It's disrespectful to the woman you already have in your life.
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A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (15 April 2011):
 I don't even find light flirting okay! I don't think you should even have an interest to portray yourself as smooth with the ladies because you are unavailable!! I mean, to me that shows that your partner is not really satisfying you and you're looking outside the relationship for female attention. I give a little more slack to people who don't even realize they're flirting, think they're being friendly, because those flirts are unintentional, but you feel bad about it but then keep doing it, which is probably going to hurt your relationship more, the guilt you have over doing something that I consider verbal cheating. You know better, yet you keep doing it, so either you're not committed enough to your gf to want to STOP doing it, or you really don't feel that badly to begin with.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 April 2011):
 "Is it okay to say something like "The only place you should be is in my bed" to another other than your lover?"ummmm NO!that being said... light flirting (the above is NOT light) is fine IMO. I breathe and flirt. my man knows this and accepts it as part of my personality. I do NOT insinuate that anything could happen and I am VERY clear that I am taken....
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 April 2011):
 Don't flirt in front of your partner. Don't flirt openly in front of your partners close friends and family.
Be your own judge of where the line goes. Excessive flirting is disrespectful to your partner, even if they are not around to see it. Flirting in front of your partner is disrespectful.
Flirting for fun, without harm, as a joke, to get a smile, that is fine. If someone offers their number you decline. If someone wants to go further than a simple flirt you decline. That's where the line is drawn.
Think about what you say though. Saying the only place they should be is in your bed is not flirting really! It's talking dirty and sexy talk. That's not allowed. Don't tell someone you want them in bed, or anything close to things you only do with your partner. No touching of intimate body parts, no dirty talk etc.
Flirting is saying something that would make someone smile, feel happy etc. Dirty talk, or pick up lines, is something you say to get someone in bed with you. There is a difference! Learn that difference. If you don't know it, talk to your partner about it and just try to understand where the line goes between the two of you.
But yes, if you only flirt with people you can "get it on with" you are not just flirting, you are taking the next step which is hitting on them and trying to get them to bed. You've gone too far then. Flirting is far more innocent. Friends can flirt, joke, you can flirt with old people, flirt with the cashier in the store, with the lady on the bus etc. You don't want to get it on with these people, so imagine then what level of flirting you need to be at.
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