A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband still keeps his ex-girlfriends letters and photos..Is it ok? My husband kept his ex-girlfriends photos and letters over 20 years. At first I want to burn those letters and photos. I asked him permission, i am not going to burn them..just throw them instead. However, he insisted not to, he told me that he loves me so much, but that was just a part of his past, it was like keeping a diary. He dont mind reading those letter anymore. Or looking at pictures. But they are so intimate, and I can't see why would he want that/.. I feel sometimes, that he kept her on a better place than me,but he says don't be silly.Am I right to feel jealous and hurt about his, or how should I handle this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): Thanks, it was beautiful.....
A
female
reader, Share Bear  +, writes (4 August 2009):
 Your question made me think of the Beatles' song;
There are places I remember all my life,
Though some have changed Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain.
All these places have their moments
Of lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I loved them all.
And with all these friends and lovers
There is no one that compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
And I know I will nver lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know'll often stop and think about them.
In my life I loved you more.
And I know I will never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know'll often stop and think about them.
In my life I loved you more
In my life I loved you more.
-I think that if you made him burn all his letters and photos without really wanting to, the moment after they had gone up in smoke you might feel an awful pang at having destroyed some special memories of the relatiosnhips that made him who he is today (-the 'him' that recognised that he wanted to marry you).
Maybe you could ask him to box them up and store them in the loft or something? -Just so you'll know he's not reliving them too often?
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (2 August 2009):
 He married you. He chose you over all those other women. Every day he is creating beautiful memories with you, the woman he vowed to love. As long as the letters are old and not in your face everyday they pose no threat, unless you make it one.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (2 August 2009):
He had a life before he met you, It is wrong for you to treat his feelings like they mean nothing. It was 20 years ago are you serious. I think you are making more of this than you should be, now I could see if he was still trying to talk with these women or doing something to make you think he was doing something wrong, all he has done was keep some old stuff for memory's sake. You are very wrong in this case or if not wrong you over reacted to something that ya'll could have worked out in time. You need to chill out.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 August 2009):
 Now if he took them out on a daily or weekly basis to look at ad read I would be upset, otherwise, no. I don't see a problem in him keeping some mementos from his youth. After all he has had them for 20 years WHY does that upset you now?
Let it go.
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A
female
reader, cherry cherry boom boom +, writes (1 August 2009):
If he loves you he would respect your feelings and do what ever he can to keep on loving you. You should never have to feel jelous in any kind of way. So if throwing old pictures away would help your relationship he should be all for it. This ya girl, peace.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2009): My personal opinion is that the photos are fine if they are of a vacation or something important in his life, but not if it is of them in an intimate situation that has no real significance. However, I think a photo of them with his arm around her and in front of something like a historic site or beautiful scenic place that he is unlikely to see again is OK. The letters are another thing. I don't think that is appropriate.
My wife and I have several photos of our ex spouses (1 each) but have no photos of boyfriends or girlfriends. We just never took them. I would keep a couple of photos of ex girlfriends if I had them, but just to remember what they looked like. I would not keep any intimate ones. Actually, my wife and I have sometimes wondered what the others exes looked like. We also wonder what both of ours look like now.
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