A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi cupids, just a quick question. Is it okay to send a sympathy card to an ex (short term relationship) if you never met the deceased? I texted them regarding something else and they told me about a grandparent's very recent passing. I guess they didn't have to tell me that but wanted to? I keep in touch with them, (just a general 'Hi, how's it going' text every few weeks), but they always respond immediately to me and offer more info on their life than i ask (and tell me I can text them anytime. I am over the relationship now, but know how close they were to the grandparent and just want to offer my condolences as a friend. Thanks x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): OP here again! Noooooooo I didn't date two people from the same family! lol! I meant I texted 'him'. I have sent the card now! So I hope he will take it in the way it is meant (just a friend offering sincere condolences).
I addressed the envelope to him (but wrote inside to 'him' & family). I did obviously offer my sorry's in reply to his text, but it seemed a bit impersonal, hence why I posted a card too.
I guess I want him to know I am thinking of him and his family at a sad time, that's all.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (20 June 2011):
 When you say "them" did you date two people from this family? Just curious.
I would address it to the whole family.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (20 June 2011):
 Yes, I think a card is fine. It sounds like your ex is still happy to keep in touch in a friendly way, so it would not be innappropriate. They may be happy to know you are thinking of them at this difficult time.
The transition from lover to friend can be awkward, but it is possible as long as your intentions are purely friendly, no alterior motives. If you genuinly care about this person as a friend, it will show, and they will understand this and accept your card. Bereavement of a loved one can be one of the most difficult experiences in a person's life. Knowing that they have friends who are thinking of them at the time can provide a small comfort in the pain they are going through.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): OP here. Thanks. I wouldn't dream of sending flowers or attending the funeral! I am definately over the relationship too, but obviously I don't hate them!
I just wondered also if I should address the message inside the card just to them, or them and family?
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (20 June 2011):
If you are DEFINITELY over the relationship and are friends..then I see no harm in sending a sympathy card expressing your condolences for his loss.
I'd leave it at that though. No sending flowers or attending the funeral/memorial. It was a short relationship and you never got to meet his deceased grandparent.
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