A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years, but have recently decided to take a break, because I have been unhappy with some of his behaviour. We both want to get back together, and make things work, but I am wondering what steps I need to take in order for this to work. Is it okay to make "rules" (ie. drunken close pictures with other girls are a no-no, plan outings together where we both drink [limiting to say 4?/month] ) etc? He's 24, and did cheat on me once, which we have dealth with and got past, and him drinking to get drunk regularly and flirt and take pictures with girls bothers me and makes me worry. I feel like it's time for him to start growing up, and if he wants to be with me, I feel like the time is now. Thoughts anyone?
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female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (2 May 2010):
 NO" its not ok.., im sorry to say this. first we have to accept that we are powerless over EVERY other single person. We can not rule anybody. We can not change anybody, we can not say, if you love me you will do this. No" We can not do that.. The only thing we can do is to change our self. If you allow him to do such thing you dont like its up to you to decide it, take it or leave it. Of course FIRST you can talk to him and tell him what you want and give him a chance to change that is very normal, but it doesnt mean that you will wait his changes till the end of your life. If he dont change then better move on and find a better man whom you deserve. but if he do really love you, he will do everything to make you happy and content. I wish you good luck dear, im sorry for being hard a little bit, im just concern about you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2010): Cheating? Uh.....well....I am not the one to advise someone to leave the person they are in love with due to cheating, in addition, if I were in your shoes, I don't think I could have taken him back...even if he cheated one time. Why? Because, I will always be doubting him, doubting what he tells me, doubting his every move and motive...it would take a toll on me and even if I did take him back, I probably would end up leaving him later on because, the stress that comes with trying to rebuild the trust that was casted out into oblivion when the cheating occured would prove to be too much for my mental and spiritual state of being. Your boyfriend is 24 yrs old already, it's really time for him to start maturing because, he isn't getting any younger and despite what the stats show as far as men being able to produce well into their 70's thus they can afford to play the field,use women, taken a good woman for granted is all a bunch of crap. I honestly believe in karma---you know---what goes around comes around and while I do think it's easier for a man to snag up a younger woman, whos to say that woman is a good woman? yeah, she might be younger, she might be beautiful, but what kind of morals and values does she have? Is this a woman that you would want to mother your children? What I find is that when a man messes over a great woman, from that point on, he ends up settling, never meeting a great woman in his life again. If you are the good woman you say you are, your boyfriend would do best to appreciate that about you and try to hold on to you for dear life or he will find himself with a cheating, diseased carrying, liar, immature and insecure woman.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (2 May 2010):
 Rules sound too authoritative. Boundaries is better. I feel 24 is way past the party stage. Perhaps the pain of you dumping him could force him to look at his life. Find out each other's life purpose and the theme of your relationship. If you don't want him to drink and flirt, what else could you guys be doing to share life together? Understand his feelings. Is he looking for attention or approval? Is he secretly insecure inside? A patient girlfriend can motivate him better than a nagging girlfriend.
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A
male
reader, Euphoricpoison  +, writes (2 May 2010):
I think thats why my last serious ex broke up with me. It's been two years since the break up, I think she broke up with me for more reasons then that, but it was mainly that I needed to grow up. I still miss her every day, I truly loved her, I had so much fun with her, but she really couldnt change me. I'm still the same guy, yeah I grew up and became a little more mature, but Im still the same guy. I think rules are cool. But think about it, he might really love you, you gotta take the good with the bad, however if its more stress than pleasure then do what you gotta do and get out of the relationship.P.S. I think my ex is loving life somewhere and couldnt give 2 shits about me, but still single acording to FB lol
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A
female
reader, cnith +, writes (2 May 2010):
 I say you wait til he's actually GROWN up before you consider getting back together with him.
If he continues the way he is, while you two are apart, what makes you think he's going to be different when you are together?
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