A
female
age
41-50,
*ountryaly76
writes:I recently started dating a guy, i really like a lot. He has been laid off of his job. Is it ok to help him out with money until he starts to get paid again?I dont make a lot of money but i live comfortably. If i do this how can i make sure he understands its just temporary.I already do little extra things to help him out, like helping him clean his house and do his laundry. I just want to make sure i don't get taken advantage of, because i have a hard time saying no.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (28 June 2015):
 You're already doing far too much. It's unwise to become so familiar with someone at this early stage. It sets a bad a precedent.
If he's not working then he has more free time than you do to clean up after himself and wash his own clothes.
Tone it right down. Dates only.
A
male
reader, mfj78  +, writes (27 June 2015):
Wow Id love a new girlfriend who cleans for me, does my washing and pays pay too! Being serious I think you need to be wary of trying too hard, especially too soon. The moment you start "helping" him you are likely to get used. If, a few weeks down the line, he realizes your not the one for him he will likely keep that to himself and continue to get his free laundry and hand outs. As others have said when you "Lend" people money you rarely get it back, or at least not without a lot of hassle. I dont know his situation and its non of my business but if he cant pay his own way and needs someone else to clean up after him then he doesn't sound much of a catch. We all face difficult times in our lives and he may well have been unlucky and so forth BUT if he is not working why hasn't he got time to do laundry or clean up?Don't lend anyone money - especially a new partner. Stop cleaning up after him and doing his washing....you're his girlfriend not his mother ;-)Mark
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2015): If he has asked you for the money - then no - I would not start lending it as it could end up he becomes more interested in your money than you. I had a guy who was always asking for handouts & in the end I stopped doing it & the guy disappeared soon after!!
However - if you have offered without him asking - maybe it's ok to help him just this once - but be careful!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 June 2015):
 I agree with SVC and Notsohappy, you need to SLOW down here. It's a brand new relationship and HE is a GROWN man.
Don't lend him money. He will find a way.
Don't clean his house, he knows what to do. YOU are not the maid.
You are emasculating him and making him "depend" on you financially IS not a good way to start a relationship.
NO ONE (male OR female) should ask a brand new partner to help them out with money.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (26 June 2015):
 Hon, You are doing too much for this guy. You have only recently started dating and you want to lend him money and you are being his unpaid cleaning service. STOP!
What did he used to do before you were on the scene? He used to clean up after himself - let him continue doing it!
Secondly, don't lend him money - it will cause problems! When did he get laid off from his job? Did he not get some sort of severance pay? How has he been living since being laid off? What prospects has he got of getting another job?
Put your foot down - he is a grown man with the ability to look after himself - you are not responsible for him.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 June 2015):
 Since you recently started dating him I advise you to not give him a penny...
Any time i have "lent" money to a "friend"
a. i never see the money again
b. the friendship ends.
I also want to advise you to stop doing his laundry and clean his home. I do these things for my husband and have since we were LDR and not serious... NOW that we are married and live together my husband who is modern enough to have taken MY LAST name when we married insists we live a "traditional" home life... I do all the cooking. I do all the laundry. I do all the grocery shopping. I do all the bill paying... this 21st century family acts like it's 1950!
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