A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My husband's brother is literally the nicest guy I have ever met. He's is genuinely sweet and nice to me when no one else is. I have never in my life been treated so well by someone, not by any friends not by and family members. I've never had a true friend to care about me. (I'm not comparing him to my husband though). The things he does and the kindness of his heart blows me away sometimes! I have the best time talking to him and hanging out with him... I just want to know, is it ok? Is it ok that some of the sweet things he says and does make my stomach feel weird and happy? Is it ok that I love being around him talking to him and chatting with him online?He's the most moral guy I know so he would never do anything or try to do anything behind my husband's back, and I would never either, but I haven't been this pleased with another person in a really, really long time. Is it ok that I feel this way or am I crossing some sort of line? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (20 October 2009):
 Oh there is no misunderstanding at all. If you are the original poster and claiming that their is, I once again suggest you reread all of your post.
Your stomach drops as in "AWWW"
You want to talk to him because its your husband upsetting you.
You want to be comforted by him when your husband is not available.
You have both expressed your mutual "care" for each other.
Your husband is not around.
NEED I POINT ANYTHING ELSE OUT, YOUNG LADY?
Uh I am sorry, but I think most of the Aunties and Uncles would be in agreement with me that your response is one of somebody that is going to "unwittingly" find themselves in some kind of emotional affair, if not worse if you dont get a grip on your emotions.
You are exhibiting classic signs of it. I would submit to you that you take a look around the forum and some of the posts by people who have started out "talking to him/her about my relationship". That usually will end up in a bunch of un-needed drama.
You tend to think you are unique in this situation, but believe me all of us do . The problem is that we are not. You are not the first one that this has happened to and I guarantee you that you better keep you brother in law at arms length. when you are asking us if its ok to feel like you want to be "in his company and not in a relationship", you are fooling yourself if you think that continuing this is not going to eventually explode in your face. This has low drama and bad ending written all over it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): I think maybe there has been a misunderstanding.
I don't feel anything for him... i dont like him as anything more than what he is t me, i'm jus wondering, if it's ok to be this close to another male, and to enjoy the company of one so much.
Or to be so conforted by him when my husband is not available.
I feel like people should ony seek confort is their spouse, and only be in need of their spouse, but sometimes, when i'm really upset, I want to talk to him, not my husband. Often times, my husband is the one upsetting me, but i don't tell his brother what's wrong, he ijsut tell him i need to talk and be happy. He doesn't kow any of our problems..
I just feel weird enjoying his brother's company so much.
And when he says something nice my stmomach drops, like "aw."
I would never ever do anything even if i did for some reason get feelings for him.
I just don't know if it's ok to feel tis way.. i mean is itOK to want to be with him? (iin his company, not in a relatinship)
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (20 October 2009):
Young lady,
The fact that you are asking this question at this forum is answering your own question.
Yes you are pushing the envelope. I suggest you rethink this because its innocent things like this that end up being a movie of the week with a less than happy ending.
The time you have spent thinking about your husband's brother is time you could have spent rediscovering why you fell in love with your husband in the first place.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): No, we've never spoken about anything bad at all. The only reason I would cringe is because no one knows how unhappy I am except him and I try to hide feeling sad so I wouldn't want her to know that I am not filled with rainbows all day.
We've never flirted or talked about sex at all. Plus he's a virgin. He doesn't do anything more than kiss someone he's not married to so there's no way we'd do anything physical. I don't have romantic feelings for him, I just want to make sure it's ok that I really, raelly like him and care about him. He said he cared about me but I never said the same to him. It's a friend thing i'm positive...
but you are all right.. I will back off. He invited me to church with him next week so after that I will keep my space. Thank you all so much. My husband is gone so I can imagine geting to dependent on him emotionally. thanks again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): It depends on what your intentions and topics of conversations are. He IS your family now and it's not a bad thing to develop a relationship with your new brother-in-law. I have talked with my BIL a LOT in the past but it was all about the way he and my husband were raised so I could get a second viewpoint to understand my husband better. NEVER any sex/flirty talk or anything like that. But feeling talk - like how it hurt my felings when my hubby got angry with me - etc. If it's appropriate then don't sweat it. If it's not appropriate RUN AWAY! An entire family feud could begin! Can you imagine your MIL reading every email you've sent her OTHER son that you're NOT married to?!! If you cringe at the thought, clean up your act quick!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): you are getting awfully close sweetie. This is the way it starts...it seems innocent, but feelings start to grow and he replaces your husband as your 'best friend'. Keep a little reserve and space there for the sake of all three of you. Good luck and be careful.
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (20 October 2009):
 Just be careful. It's ok to be fond of him and think of him as a caring friend. Anything else is treading dangerous waters.
Good Luck!
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