A
male
age
41-50,
*eadduderc
writes:I know that guys in their mid-30's shouldn't really be friends with teenagers (especially girls), but one of my friends has a 15-year-old daughter who really wants to be my friend. I think she is really awesome and I would like to be her friend also, but I haven't been friends with a teenage girl since I was a teenager myself, not to mention I'm afraid people will think that I'm a child predator. But I never have and I never will develop any sort of feelings for her beyond that of normal friendship feelings, so in that case, would it be OK to befriend her now or should I wait until she becomes a legal adult? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): Simply stated you are crossing some boundaries here that are inappropriate. Her dad is your friend and I see nothing wrong with giving her some attention or even a hug around the shoulders, asking her how she is, what she is up too, but you should never ever lower yourself to her level as her personal friend, she isn't, you are her father's friend. I think it is great that she likes you and hopefully respects you and that you all can have fun together as a group.
My Father (and my Mom) are very social people and some of their best friends are only about 5 to 8 years older than I am, all married, and one close family friend was closer to my Mom's age and we always had fun socially together over the years and I know anyone of these people would be there and give me the shirt of their back if I really needed them too, that is the kind of friendship I am talking about.
We never crossed boundaries and I never hung out one on one with any of these people without one of my paren't being there, they are their friends and by relationship they are mine, not directly mine.
It is sad that in today's world that adult child relationships are so suspect, but as long as you set up appropriate boundaries, I don't think you need to run away from this girl, I am sure you can add something of value to her life by just knowing you are there. Make sense?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2009): i think the reason you posted here is to just confirm your own thoughts. this "relationship" is inappropriate.are you married with /out kids. i almost aways believe that platonic frienship can never exist, sometimes this is the case but almost always it doesn't work out this way.
are you noe concerned how your friend will react to his/her daughter havng an older man in this girls life. a cross between a paedophile and a sugar daddy?? or a father figure??
i think if you read the stories here, older men who hook up with these teenagers throwing themselves to them, end up messing up not only their lives, their wives and kids too. the male reader rom stated that this girl started fliting with him at the age of 14 and things somewhat progressed. maybe i am wrong but being 27 years older means that maybe he is married with kids. having an affair with a young girl destroying a home, family conflict. the list is endless. is this what you want for yourself in the end? please of you consider yourself a responsible adult then leave this child alone. 15 going on 30 is a difficult age. hormones are all over the place and all it takes is one interested (irresponsible)adult male to cross the lines here. life is complicated as it is, don't add another complication to it.
(by the way - young girls know when they want older men and they would not stop until they get them. so don't let age be a factor look at her behaviour, signs, somewhat flirting nature, a little too interested in you, and once you observe this then run for your life. little girls have been know to destroy adult lives)
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female
reader, tamika1983 +, writes (8 August 2009):
In my opion a grown man cannot be platonic friends with a teenager. How would her parents feel and more importantly how would u feel if this was your 15 year old daughter and your friend wanted to be her platonic friend. You probably would want to kill him for it cause no real man wants his daughter to have male friends especially a grown man. Then there is the fact that she may look at u totally different than u look at her. Teenage girls are very curious. What if she came onto u how would u handle that? These days girls are developing at an early age and men are doing everything in their power to protect their child if they care about their well being. Let's say she a girl that'll lie. If she comes onto u and get caught what do u think she's gonna say its sure not gonna be don't be mad I came onto him. If that was to happen your in jail with your picture on www.Pedafiles.com. There will be no privacy everyone would be watching with with discuss and hate in their eyes even if u didn't do anything. In a parents eyes there is a very fine line between life and their child. Many would throw away their freedom to protect their little girls. So what I'm saying to u is your to much older than her be anything. Just put the shoe on the other foot. I don't know u but I'm hoping u wouldn't want someone your age being with your daughter if u have one or want one.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): you may not see her as anything other than a child friend but she is at an impressionable age. she may mistake your interest (platonic) in her as something more.
it is your friends daughter isn't it, so how would your friend view your relationship with his/her daughter. i think there will be a very fine line you will be crossing. some things start off very innocently then progress into something sinister and dangerous. you will be walking danderous ground if this girl develops feelings for you. i think also discuss this situation with her parent. tell them you do not want it to be seen as inappropraie behaviour but please be careful. if you are completely honest with yourself i think you sense some underlying issues here. friends with a 15 years old, no way! she is a child still so please steer clear of any "friendship" that she may be offering. you are an adult , you know the score of so called friendships. it just spells trouble in the long run.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): i didnt mean 15 i meant 25 for the record.i cant stand anyone under 25 is what i meant not 15.i need to patch up my typing skills...
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male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (8 August 2009):
 Well if you wait untill she becomes a legal adult that would be a few years by then she may not need or want your friend ship.
who cares what people think or say if her parents dont have a problem with it there isnt a problem.
just remember your a man and legally shes a child
so becareful what kind of benefits are involved with this freindly relationship.
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (7 August 2009):
 Unfortunately people are going to think it is odd and assume the worst. That's just the way the world is.
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male
reader, rom  +, writes (7 August 2009):
pretty difficult this one as I met a girl when she was 14 and she was friendly with me whenever we saw each other which was only maybe twice a year. then about two years ago she started to be more flirty with me and she is a great laugh and I was the same as in very young minded and she was very mature for her age, then 16! so anyway nothing happened but her flirting with me at parties and me saying your much too young and get yourself a boyfriend. She always played it down as a bit of harmless fun.Only last September I noticed her on facebook and sent her a stupid message like "hi ugly" which she found witty!!! then we started chatting as friends which then went on for sometimes 8 to 10 hours at a time with us staying up till the early hours of the next morning. After about 6 months of this we ended up meeting up at a party in our town and things started to get serious as in we realised that we had started to like each other she was at this stage 17! now she is 18 and we have been having a close loving relationship and both love each other. So as for the not ever going to get involved with her, mark my words never say never as if you like her now what happens when you get to know her better and find out she is exactly like you in everyway except age! you will not be able to stop your feelings and I also feel from your question that it sounds like you have concidered the possibility as you mention legal age? Nobody can predict the future but dont be fooled to think you and she wont develop feelings for each other. By the way I am 27 years senior to the girl I met, and we are so similiar in so many ways but age so it does happen. So best weigh it up before you develop feelings or is that already too late I wonder?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): you will only be friends so its fine..and it is more 'normal' than you think whoever said it as i had friends over 25 at 15.well i hated anyone under 15 anyway but what the hell...
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): No, i think that she probably fancies you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): I am thinking back to the time I was 15 and I did not even contemplate wanting a male friend twice my age. She may be looking for a father figure, an older brother figure or something more. It matters not as it is your responsibility - yes yours - not to allow this to happen. Teenagers are easily influenced and it would not be long before mixed messages and possibly a crush could form. Let her down gently and say that its important she forms a close bond with friends her own age but that if she was ever in trouble then you would support her to get advice from the appropriate person. The fact you mention 'legal adult' in your last sentence makes me concerned that you have already considered the possible implications. Just don't go there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): If you regard yourself as an Uncle, and behave accordingly, there should be no problem, but I would strongly recommend that you are always in the presence of at least one other adult and avoid being alone with her.These days it is SO easy to have your intentions misinterpreted, and the paedophile maffia will label you as soon as look at you!Friendship is a precious, valuable thing and shouldn't be turned away, but please just be careful.
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male
reader, deadduderc +, writes (7 August 2009):
deadduderc is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really appreciated all of the candid advice from all of you. I'm a big kid and I tend to get along with people younger than me, but all of you have made some very valid points and I need to think things out a lot more...
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female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (7 August 2009):
I don't think there is anything wrong with ya'll being friends. You just have to be responsible and make sure you never cross any lines and you should be find. She probably thinks your wise lol.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): I understand where you're coming from. She probably thinks you're fun and looks up to you, and you respect her as a person, think she's a great girl, etc. good head on her shoulders and you have fun talking, right? I think when you say "friend" you're not referring to the kind that go out to the movies, clubs, whatever.. Becuase I would say definitely "no" to those things. But I don't see the harm in just talking with her for now, join her on facebook or whatever but keep it within the group of her father. Maybe when she's eighteen, then you can go out for coffee.
But I feel ya.. I was a front-end supervisor at a grocery store when I was seventeen and got on really well with my boss who was thiry somethin. He was just fun to talk to and it would've been a nice thought to sit and talk one day, but of course we never did because no matter how innocent our intentions are, it just doesn't look right.
You can be there for her when she needs an adult, offer yoru advice to her, but remain the adult and odn't try to play yourself down to her age or her friend right now. Just be someone she can look up until she's old enough to look to herself.
~Sy.
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reader, pinktopaz +, writes (7 August 2009):
Ok, I'm not trying to sound rude here: but what do you have in common with a 15 year old girl?! I'm 25 and don't want to have a friend that's 15! So that we can talk about celebrity obsessions and whether or not we should pop zits together? I mean really...you want to be her "friend?" People pick their friends based on common interests, personality traits, morals, sense of humor, etc. That of which a 34 and 15 year old wouldn't have too much in common. Hopefully her dad doesn't carry a loaded gun around the house.
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