A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Since it is o.k for a guy to look at porn daily because they are "visual creatures" and need that release. Then isn't it just the same for a girl to go to chat rooms and talk since they are "emotional creatures" and need a release too. The guy on the internet is just a face to talk to to get an emotional need met. (because we are emotional creatures). The girl taking a bath or striping for the guy doesn't know him and is fulfilling his phisical need. I'am not saying to ever meet the person. Just talking. I mean daily porn use could lead to "message parlors, stip joints, prostitutes ect" if you let it. Seriously, I am not saying either is conducive for a good relationship. But, I read online where everyone definds men looking at porn. All I am saying is that women have needs too. Just because they aren't the same doesn't mean they aren't as valid. So what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Right???? Therefore, if it is just fine and dandy for a guy to spend hours everyday/weekly looking at porn (event though he gets sex 3-4 times a week) then it should be just as ok for a girl to go into a chat room (i'm not talking cheating sites)? What's your take on this issue????
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (5 June 2009):
 What would this solve? You have a problem, you want guy X but not behavior Y that goes with him.
Not all men are into porn but the one you selected is. You got yourself a cat and are now upset that it scratches your furniture. Your solution, you will scratch its litterbox. Does that work you think? No.
I use the pet example for a reason, in a way you want to train your guy to behave as you want him to. Raise him like a child. It does not matter wether porn is right or wrong, what matters is that he, as an adult, doesn't have to answer to you. That you have sex with him does not make him obliged to you. Turn it around, if he doesn't watch porn is he then in turn entitled to demand sex of you?
Trying to bargain isn't going to work. You got three choices:
1. you accept that this is the way he is right now.
2. you become his mother, his trainer, his keeper. He behaves by your rules or no kittytreats/sex.
3. you leave him, accepting that sometimes people just don't work out together if their worldviews are to different.
I do agree with you that men seeking physical excitement outside their relationship is similar to women seeking mental stimulation outside the relationship. The idea is the same, but you taking this action will only hurt you. Do you really want to emotionally cheat on your partner? Be in a relationship where he masturbates to other women while you lean on other men? Doubt it.
I doubt you are going to chance him, sorry it just don't happen in my experience but am ready to be proven wrong. And if he doesn't chance, then you changing yourself is not going to make you happy.
Go and think about what your limits are. Then talk to him, explain how it makes you feel. Ask how he would feel if you did the same (either porn or the chatting) and see what happens. Maybe just doesn't know, make it clear. If nothing changes long term, then you two are just two different or worse.
A
male
reader, Biff160 +, writes (5 June 2009):
Armywife hit the nail on the head. By your definition, if you talked/stripped with someone online, then it's ok for him to look at and get involved with a woman in the same way that stranger is with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): Neither is acceptable. Period.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): Not all people here defend porn, I am one that doesn't. I have seen and read many posts on this board that address the damages porn can do to a man's libido and the addictive nature of it.Personally, if you are going on line to do sexual chat with someone, I don't see it as being that much different.If however, you are developing relationships with men, that would be different. Many people use chat rooms and cams to masturbate and that involves showing others your private parts. When they have their orgasms, they turn off the computer and go on with their day feeling a little better...why is that different? People believe the 'potential' is there to develop something more with the person you are talking to, I find the potential is also there with porn, that some people want a different person than their significant other, some want a third person involved in their relationship and this is fueled by what they see in porn.I understand your conflict, but it is really with your boyfriend, that is the person you need to talk to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): I think looking other people and getting emotionally involved with other people are completely different. In my marraige, neither one is acceptable, but in most, looking is ok.
Plus, porn as men and women.
By watching these people have sex, he is not involving himself with either person in any way. He will never be with them and he will never touch them.
However, by chatting with other men and getting "an emotional need fulfilled," you are involving yourself with that man. It has gone passed the surface and passed a line that has been drawn by most couples.
Emotions run waaay deeper than physical needs do.
The equivilant to the woman getting personal with a man online is not the man watching porn, but more, the man putting himself in the same room as the pornstarts and getting phyiscal WITH them.
Just as emotional needs cannot be met by watching a man on a movie, neither can physical.
Porn is just a fantasy that men have. It jsut helps to get them going.
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