A
female
age
30-35,
*lc
writes:Ok this is my first question so im kinda nervous anyway I have been dating my boyfiend for some time now and there are somethings that he does that hurts me and gets me thinking things. For example he has letters in his room from his ex girlfriend and when i ask why he still has them he has a huge temper and gets defensive i want to exlain to him that he shouldnt react like that but he says im over exaggerating. I dont feel as I am because this is just one problem another is we will be at a party and its ok for him to touch other girls but if i touch a guy Im in trouble....idk what i should do can you help me
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female
reader, shiraz  +, writes (12 January 2009):
to be honest i think he still has a thing for his ex maybe? im sure that question is on your mind but its difficult you cannot pressure him to answer and hell only deny it anyway. if they have a big history then it might be something hes holding onto, sometimes you have one of those relationships and tough as it sounds you have to respect how hes feeling. on the other hand its strange how he reacts and the fact that hes keeping them does raise questions that only he can answer. dont mention it too much to him as that seems to send him into turn off mode just next time with your actions show him its bothering you, like if you see another letter just stare at it and then look at him and look away. it must be uncomfortable for you and from his reactions youve explained if it was the other way round i sense things would be very different!
you say touch other girls and im not sure how you mean. obviously if you mean physical then theres a problem if you just mean hes with girls at a party then im afraid its something you have to accept although hell have to become aware that his actions are beging to hurt you and your finding it hard to trust. becareful, dont play his games, two wrongs dont make a right and if your saying he doesnt like you with other guys dont try to play him at his own game by getting your own back simply say to him so its one rule for you and another for me? your relationship is going through many problems and is suffering on the inside and cracks are showing on the outside too. an unhealthy relationship is not where you want to be, at the moment you are looking at your faults and seem to be avoiding communication, which i understand due to his reactions. be calm and honest with him, tell him that you see your relationship going the wrong way and its not something you want and you want to sort it now. Tackle each problem at a time, seperatly there is no point in trying to do all at once you need time for each and you need support from him as well, which at the moment i doubt your getting!
From what youve said the way hes treating you doesnt look good and it needs to be changed now in order to go onto a future, he needs to be aware of this. dont be laid back with him, take charge and let him know your opinion (within reason!) and dont be scared of his outburts a relationship wont work without communication!
sorry this was long! hope all works out for you xxx
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