A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi Aunts and Uncles. I've posted on her before and got some really helpful advice so I'm back for more!I split up with my partner about 6 months ago (after 7 years together). He walked out after us having many problems and I was upset and in the meantime he had a terrible argument with my daughter (she is 18). My other daughter, who is 21, was annoyed with him but they get on a bit better.Whilst I was with my partner he was going through a very bitter divorce, which became final about halfway through our relationship. I think he had a bit of a breakdown which may acocunt for some of his behaviour.Anyhow we have kept in touch and we agreed to meet up for a drink to talk things over. We still care for each other but he thought there could be no reunion because all of my friends knew about the argument and knew that he was acting a bit strange so he feels awkward now.He has a 21 year old son and his son is going to spend Christmas with his mum, the ex wife of my partner and his son asked his mum if my ex partner could go along there for Christmas dinner rather than be alone. My ex has accepted the invite (my older daughter invited him here but he said 'i'd love to but i dont think your sister would like that'). Is it a bit strange that his ex wife has invited him for Christmas lunch? She has had a boyfriend of her own for the last few years and apparently he will not be there - I am not sure if they have split up or she is meeting him later in the evening, or he will be with his kids .. I just thought it odd that after such a bitter divorce and them having no contact at all for over a year that she should suddenly agree to invite him for christmas lunch. When we spoke about it he said to me 'well it's a lunch, a cooked meal for me on Christmas'. He can cook himself but he would have otherwise been alone on Christmas day. His son will be with him on boxing day. I can feel old jealousy flaring up and i don't want to ruin the chance of a reunion over this. I told him that the offer to come for xmas is still open if he wants. The other question I wanted to ask is whether it would be a good idea or not for him to spend Christmas with us anyhow? given that he and my younger daughter fell out and he and I are only just meeting up for the first time in months?Does anyone think it is odd him going to his ex wife for Christmas day (they apparently hate each other!) or am I being jealous and unreasonable. Any ideas would be welcomed. Thanks.
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a break, christmas, divorce, ex-wife, his ex, jealous, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): I agree with you a 100% If you didn't like someone why would you go for a dinner.I would never let my ex come to my house for dinner even when my kids were small no way.I have spent xmas by myself before no big deal.Some ppl are nuts if you are so worried about your kids why divorce.I would never meet up with this guy again he is a loser and you need to find someone better don't waste your life on him.If he wanted to make things better with you he would had came to your house for xmas dinner.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 December 2009):
 He is your ex, so really.... It is none of your business what he does. He might do it because he feels he owes his son a family Christmas and maybe just maybe now that his ex-wife have a new man it will be a drama free afternoon. It seems perfectly normal to me. He is single I presume.
/shrug.
As for the invitation to spend time with you and your girls, well I agree with his decision to decline. I doesn't want to upset your one daughter and ruin your Christmas, I think that is just being a decent person.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (10 December 2009):
I think its decent enough for him to go spend Christmas with his ex. My ex husband has dinner with me and the kids 5 times a week; we have no chemistry between us but our bond is through our kids. We have a good time and lots of laughs but its over between us even though he is single. You have to be willing to accept that he will always have some link to her: there will be weddings, new grandchildren, christenings, more Christmas dinners; tragedies when they will need to be together etc. You have to start dealing with your jealousy if you want to be with him forever. As for your daughter's fight.... What was it about? At 18 she should perhaps start preparing for her own life. Also, were you the cause of his divorce from this woman?
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (10 December 2009):
 My ex husband was always welcome to join me and the kids and anybody else who happened to be around for whatever Christmas celebrations we were having, be it breakfast, or lunch or dinner, but as the kids got older it was more often breakfast, so they could go off and have lunch with g/f's families etc.
He usually took over the preparation of some aspect of the meal, sometimes it annoyed the hell out of me, but most times not, the kids never saw anything odd in their dad spending Christmas with them and their mum.
His situation sounds plausible, his son invited him, the ex wife has a new partner, and he must be ok with it, enough time has passed for them all to be on a fairly civilized footing, I cant see a problem.
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A
female
reader, BlueBag +, writes (10 December 2009):
 In my opinion, I think this seems fairly normal. Its christmas day and he gets the chance to spend it with his son rather than be on his own. Who wouldn't take the opportunity while the offer's there?
My boyfriend's dad has been given an invite to have christmas lunch at his daughter's house (my boyfriend's sister) where all his children will be and also his ex wife. They don't particularly get along but he's making the effort because its christmas and he wants to spend it with his kids. He is also in a new marriage and his new wife will not be going as she is Jewish and doesn't celebrate this holiday.
Chirstmas is a time to spend with family, and that's what he's doing.
I don't think it would be a good idea if he came to yours as he doesn't get along with your daughter and her happiness should always come first. Wouldn't you prefer to have an easy day where everyone's happy and getting along rather than being the peace maker?
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