A
female
age
30-35,
*eganRivers
writes:I had a fling with a guy (all we wanted from each other) which was around a month long. It was something out of character for me, but I really liked him, so what the heck. Only live once.What was odd was that his bedroom personality and real world personality differed so much. In the world, he is, for lack of a better term, an alpha male: authoritative, ice hockey team captain, very intelligent, exceptionally driven (6am jog and by 7am studying type of person), and of course very handsome. When it came to sleeping with him, it felt so different.Last year, college freshman year, I "dabbled" with a girl on my volleyball team...she was/is a gorgeous blonde...Just a one time thing. I'm straight. Anyway I kind of realized what it is like for guys, and how much work it takes to convince a girl to be intimate with you, even though we are clearly interested (we're picky...). This "alpha male" guy, made me feel like I was chasing a girl again. He teased, was coy, hid his real feelings, etc. I kind of had to chase him...which I think he liked. He was very good in the bedroom (clearly experienced), but I noticed, oddly, what really turned him on was when I took the driver's seat (e.g., was on top); kissing his back and neck made drove him half mad! It's not to say he didn't control me really well (which is what I like), he certainly has perfect that skill for women (gah), but it wasn't his "thing." It just seems so odd that a strong personality like the woman to take charge romantically/sexually, doesn't it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): it could be that only in bed does he feel uninhibited enough (like maybe from the arousal) to let himself be vulnerable whereas in everyday life he's got his guard up trying to put on a macho front.
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (30 December 2011):
 Some men enjoy the submissive role in bed when they're intimate.
The problem is your definition of "intimate". To me intimate means a lot more than just the sex. If he's still reserved about his feelings towards you or anything, its possible he was just in it for the ride and knew it wasn't going anywhere.
So in reality, sexually he may enjoy being in a submissive role. However, that said, I think if you want more emo out of him, you really would have to have some kind of a real commitment there. Otherwise its just sex.
Its sort of like the situation you had with the girl. You pursued her for the sake of exploring two things (1) what its like to win a girl over and get her into bed and (2) what its like to get a "taste" of a woman.
Once you've done that, its only half the battle. Because making love is different than having sex.
Sex is mechanical. It may be good, it may be great. But making love means there's an emotional element, commitment involved where feelings and emotions are as naked as your body.
In many ways people are afraid to expose their inner feelings to just anyone because it makes them vulnerable to being hurt.
So I hope that explains things to you a little bit better.
And yes, Alpha males tend to be more submissive behind closed doors. People wear different personas in real life. Each one a mask they show to a different audience depending on context. Outwardly he may be strong, reliable, etc.
Inwardly he may be insecure. Who knows? If its a fling, chances are you won't get close enough to know what he thinks or feels.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (30 December 2011):
 Doesnt matter how much confidence the guy has or how big he is physically like me, we all like a little domination to some degree because we are usually the one's who take initiative with things and dont mind to see an assertive woman with her needs in the bedroom.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 December 2011):
 It's very very VERY common for powerful men to want to be dominated in the bedroom....
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