A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:okay I don't wanna seem shallow or anything of the sort but I have a dilemma ive been facing for a good while while in the dating world. Since as far back as I can remember I always pictured my self with a beautiful woman and lately ive been finding women who are nice but aren't attractive. Again I don't wanna seem shallow but its just I recently broke up with a model and I really liked her and she was awesome but due to factors out of both of our control we had to stop seeing each other. Is it normal to feel this way or am I really just disillusioned with an unreal fantasy?
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female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (30 August 2011):
 I know I'm probably going to get a ton of down-rates for saying this, but it's only an unreal fantasy if you're not as attractive as they are.
I've said this before, but if you're a 2, be okay with dating other 2's.
Go after the 9's if you're a 9.
It only gets "unreal" when you're trying WAY out of your league because you somehow think that's what you deserve.
A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (30 August 2011):
It is normal, and you shouldn't feel that you're being shallow or holding on to an unreal fantasy. I am pretty picky myself so I deal with the same thing. The only downside to being this way is that I sometimes go pretty long stretches without a girlfriend simply because I couldn't get a girl interested that I found attractive. During these times I pick up clear signs that women are interested in me, and I approach women I find attractive, but it has to be a mutual thing.To have a good relationship requires being happy, and you've got to feel that the girl you're with is beautiful for that to happen. So I say hold out. Don't settle for a girl that you aren't attracted to. Keep approaching the girls you *do* find attractive, and sooner or later you'll find one that not only likes you back but is just as wonderful on the inside!Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 August 2011):
 You dated a model you said, but that means nothing when it comes to what you deem beautiful, or what beautiful really is.
Beauty is always, always, in the eye of the beholder. If you want to describe what you think is beautiful then you need to be more specific than simply saying "model".
So far all I can guess is that you prefer tall and skinny women? If that is what you think is beautiful (and mind you, not all prefer the same thing), then sure. You are entitled to be attracted to what you are attracted to.
My concern is that you think you are attracted to these women, but you're not really. I am thinking this might be the case since you said you always pictured yourself with a beautiful woman, yet beautiful to you is "model"? In other words you have let the fashion world tell you what is beautiful, when in nature you might prefer something else?
If this isn't the case, and you naturally are attracted to thin and tall women, then it's not shallow to want to be with one. It's what you're attracted to. Everyone has a preference. Few of us can be attracted to anything that resembles a human. When it comes to finding a partner, there's a physical aspect and a personal aspect, the biological and the mental aspect if you like. You need to have both in a relationship.
A person with lovely personality that you aren't attracted to is a friend. A person you are attracted to with a shitty personality is either suitable only as a FWB or as no one you want to associate with at all.
This isn't a real dilemma though, unless you're so picky that you will forever remain single. We're all wandering around looking for the perfect combination ourselves, unwilling to settle for anything less than what floats our boat.
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