A
female
age
30-35,
*ustralianGold
writes:hello again, another dilema in my life.Basically, my boyfriends friend and I have gotten rather close, started with banter saying how we are secretly together and just telling each other how sexy and hot we are all for a joke. Weeks went by, and it turned into something else, and I began to question whether there was some truth in what he was saying because the tension was going through the roof. Eventually I couldn't take it any longer, my boyfriend was in bed we were sitting alone chatting away and I plucked up the courage to ask if he was being serious or what. He said he was wondering the same but he can't answer that. So I thought. No, a can't just leave it at that, so as he walked away I grabbed him and basically said look I need an answer you can't just leave it, and his reply was asking what I was saying. and I said I'm askin what you feel, and he turned round and asked if I was basically trying to say we should be together behind my boyfriends back. I said not exactly as I have mixed emotions and I wasn't sure what he felt then he said no chance and I felt completely humiliated as I'd assumed he felt the same. 10mins later I was in the kitchen freaking out as I thought how could I face him and he came in asked what was wrong, calling me "babe" and comforting me and I said I was sorry and he said he thought I was kidding, I said no but nevermind and went to walk away. Then, he blocked my way, and asked what if we get caught, telling me he was up for it but considering the risks and I was saying well we wouldn't and I'd had a drink in me so I was completely teasing him as I was loving the fact he wanted me and it gave me a thrill I was doing this behind my boyfriends back. - wrong I know. However, nothing happened as there were people in the house. The next morning I woke up from a text from my boyfriends mate, hed got my number out my boyfriends fone while he wasn't looking and he asked was I being serious about last night and I admitted and he said we'd see what happens because he doesn't wanto hurt anyone. I left it at that.then today, he text sayin he hopes I was kidding because he doesn't do that to his mates and I was annoyed as he was basically telling me he wanted to have sex with me right when we were talking in the kitchen, so I was confused as to what he wants.. Now we've agreed to leave it as friends because we don't want to hurt anyone, he's also admitted to liking someone else but why did he continue this chemistry for so long? I don't understand.But how can I just forget? Why is he telling me he wants me one minute, then trying to say its a joke the next. Clearly it isn't a joke. and now I feel so attached to him as recently my boyfriend cheated, I took him back because I love him, but since then I've forever been trying to fill the gap knowin he betrayed me and his friend is the first guy I've got that close to in a while and things just spiralled. He's making out he doesn't mean anything he says but I know fine well he does. If I was up for it when we discussed it, the deed would have been done. I know wev arranged to keep it our secret and say nothing more about it but I fear everytime we get drunk its just going to heat up again and repeat itself. Even after all his change of mind, i think he's great, as he could have just told my boyfriend everything but he didn't and he's still continuing to be atleast friends, rather than completely ignore me. And now because of all this, I can't bare the thought of not having him around even as a friend because I've got so attached. What will I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cinc71  +, writes (31 August 2011):
 Hi,
I really think you shouldn't stay with your bf. You don't seem to trust him and you probably shouldn't. Since you found someone else also means that you're lacking something in your relationship with your bf. Don't be afraid of being alone, if it's not your bf friend it will be someone else. Good luck, keep us update
A
male
reader, Jess88  +, writes (30 August 2011):
You know men are really difficult just as women. Well it seems like u are attracted to him while in a relationship.
Ask yourself is your present relationship not as fulfilling. you know some people learn by trying, some don't try because of the fear. Sex is not the answer, because it is associated with consequences. Let me know more about what you feel, and maybe i can help you more.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): Don't kid yourself you are actually interested in this guy. You are, subconsciously at least, trying to get back at your partner because HE cheated.
You can't just hurt someone because they hurt you. Didn't you ever read Moby Dick?
Besides which, if this guy is willing to go behind a friend's back, he is not relationship material because anyone that is would die before cheating with their friend's partner.
Maybe there is a sexual tension between you two, but all you are going to do is make things worse for you.
You took your partner back after he fucked up bad, and trust takes work on both your parts. You are either willing to work at it or you aren't. If you aren't then break up and move on.
Flynn 24
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