A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a guy for some time, but we live on both parts of the world (Australia and America), I have plans to move up next year, get a job, place to live and work hard at it. I have asked him for marriage before, and he said yes but only for citizenship reasons, so I have always refused it becasue I want to go in for love and not cheat myself out of working for a green-card.In sept I visited for a month for a family wedding, I met the parents/family and they all loved me and asked why we are not married.Tonight he popped the question and although I have always wanted to marry him, now its for the right reasons and I feel so weird about it.I have been proposed to before by other men and managed to give the 'no' within minutes, but this time It's different. Is it normal for me to not have said yes straight away? I feel so bad I love him more than anything and have wanted this time to come for so long, but I cant give him an answer yet. I feel so bad, Is this normal to be like this?
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (3 October 2012):
 I always thought the whole "SURPRISE! Let's change our entire lives and legally bind ourselves to each other, decide RIGHT NOW" situation was a little weird. It's a huge decision, I think couples should talk about it and think about it before making the decision.
It's unusual, but it's not weird to have to think about it. Makes sense to I think. It's a big decision, you should think about it.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (3 October 2012):
 Yes, it is normal. Not that everyone needs a lot of time to think about it, but many do. This is a big decision with life altering consequences so take all the time you need.
He might be fond of you but his reasons for marriage may be the same as before. I imagine that is in your mind as well.
There is no need for you to rush. Like I said, take all the time you need. And please do not feel bad for him. Anyone who asks someone else for anything, especially something this big has to expect consideration and a possible declination. They're already prepared for it by the time they pop the question (or they should be). So you focus on how it effects you and let him worry about himself, as he has done all along.
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (2 October 2012):
 His proposal deserves a definite answer, one way or another. How did you leave things with him when he asked? Did you say no, or maybe, or what? It makes a difference to how you get out of this communications block. I assume you still want to marry him. Getting to that point should be your priority. The best approach, I think, is honest communication. Tell him what you felt, and what you feel, and what you want to do going forward. Don't start off married life feeling you can't tell your partner what's on your mind. That's how marriages fall apart.
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