A
female
age
36-40,
*essi
writes:is it normal that my boyfriend and i never get into fights.am always doing right and so is he.since we started dating a year ago we have never argued Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): I think that I can accurately assume that you are dating and not living together. I don’t think that this is unusual at all for 2 people who have been dating for only a year. I also don’t know what you mean by a fight. There are fights and there are arguments and there are disagreements and people have different definitions of all of them.
Fights are destructive and solve nothing, but arguments are constructive and probably necessary for a lasting relationship. I don’t mean screaming arguments, but civil arguments with intelligent discussion about disagreements. A couple who have no arguments or disagreements are just not communicating or else have no real bond. My first wife and I argued all the time, but did not communicate properly. That marriage ended after 10 years. My current wife and her first husband never argued and never communicated. He was overbearing and she lacked the confidence to stand up to him. That marriage with no arguments ever ended with her leaving him after a few years. A marriage where there are no arguments and that ends because of just drifting apart is not a real marriage. That happens because of lack of communication or the absence of any real love to begin with.
My wife and I have been together for 29 years and married for 22 years. We don’t think that we have ever had a real fight, but we have had many arguments. Most of these arguments have allowed us to know the other better and understand the others feelings. Our relationship is probably closer than it has ever been. We also didn’t have any arguments for the first year or 2 of dating.
I would rather argue a few times a year, being civil and gaining understanding of the others feelings and becoming closer than to have the satisfaction of never arguing and to just drift apart. I’m sure that many will disagree, but I don’t believe there is any true love when that happens or else the 2 people just give up on growing the relationship when it ceases to be perfect in their eyes.
I also agree with the anon female that 2 very passive personalities can result in no arguments, as can 2 people with very low confidence or self-esteem. My wife’s lack of self-esteem is what resulted in the lack of any arguments in her first marriage. There was little happiness for her in much of that marriage, but yet she can claim that they never argued. What good is there in that.
There are people who argue all of the time and are unhappy, but there are also people who never argue and are equally unhappy. It would be great if all relationships could be totally argument free and both parties as happy as they could hope for, but that is very rare or perhaps non-exhistant.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): I guess its normal. But sometimes you can't avoid it cause when two people get involved, jealousy happens. Its human nature. And when you really like someone and feel a little threatened, you might get jealous and that causes an argument.
Look arguing is not normal in a relationship either. But sometimes letting your guard down and letting a person you love see all sides of your personality is good. That he sees what you are like when you are happy, angry, elated. Just be yourself.
But to never argue is wonderful. Just as long as you are not concealing your true character and feelings. I assume that in this case it just probably means that you both have very passive personalities.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (28 February 2008):
 You are on a long extended honeymoon. People say , you are like an orange split in half, identical.
Have fun and enjoy life.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (28 February 2008):
 Hi
I was with my kids dad 9 yrs and i dont remember us having a cross word. I dont doubt we didnt agree on everything, but we talked about things. He was my soul mate. We were extremely close. We didnt split by arguing, we split because i was your age when i met him and he was 10 yrs older than me. After 9 yrs we just grew apart. Well, i grew away from him.
Enjoy!
C xxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): Me and my bloke have been together 3 years in April and we have never had a fight either, no it is perfectly ok.
take care and enjoy fight free life.
xx
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