A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal for it to hurt when your ex gets a girlfriend? So 2 months ago me and my ex split up after he cheated on me. I caught him and he still lied to my face. It has almost nearly broken me but I’ve managed to pick myself up and I was starting to feel better then I’ve found out he has a girlfriend and I just sat and cried and it hurts so bad. I no longer want him back but I don’t get how he’s moved on so fast and I feel so worthless and why wasn’t I good enough. I did so much for that man and whilst he was cheating (unknown to me) I’d got him treats to welcome him home and cooked his favourite dinner as I thought he was having hard day at work how stupid am I. I even was willing to forgive him and try and move forward but he said he didn’t want relationship and he ended things as well with the woman he cheated with. He was vile to me since the breakup and accused me of things I haven’t done and he called me up when I was alone on my birthday to tell me he went on date and made me cry. He was vile to me and has said some really nasty things and he laughed when I cried. It’s like I never knew him. I’m struggling I’ll never trust anyone again yet he’s walking round with a massive smile all in love having found the one and making me out to be the bad he tells people I cheated on him and calls me psycho etc. I honestly believe to this day if I hadn’t caught him he’d be seeing me and her still and he was vile about the woman he cheated with too. He’s blocked me and called me to tell me so. I just don’t see why he gets to be happy and get a relationship and have the perfect life when he did wrong yet I’m left crying and struggling and how has he moved on so fast.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 February 2024):
 Yes, it's "normal" to feel hurt that not only did he think so little of you that he CHOSE to cheat but he also moved on real fast.
However, what you NEED to realize and accept is that as painful as it is, it's the BEST thing to happen to you! He wasn't a good partner to you!
Second thing you need to realize is that HIS actions and choices are NOT about you! That is something LACKING in him.
He didn't cheat because there is something "wrong" with you.
That is ALL on him.
You think he is happy? What person is happy living a lie? I can tell you who. Someone who isn't right in the head. YOUR ex is not right in the head.
He tells other people that YOU were the one cheating.... Which means he KNOWS that cheating isn't right! Yet, he can't OWN his own actions and choices. He has to lie. Just like he did when you found him!
YOU dodged not only a bullet, you dodged a missile!
As for not being able to trust someone else. Yes, I get that. It's hard. It's going to be hard. Just remember the NEXT guy is NOT responsible for hat your ex did.
Building trust takes time. TAKE the time to figure out if a potential life partner is trustworthy.
I'm betting the Yacht that IF you look back there were a LOT of red flags with this guy that you either didn't pay attention to or you ignored (we have all done that) it's a lesson in life.
I'm also betting that he LIED a lot. Not just to you.
He will continue this, he will continue to hurt other women.
He pretends to be happy because he also LIES to himself.
OP, it's OK to be upset - healing takes time. However, I would suggest you take some time journaling your feelings and then work on letting HIM go. STOP letting him live rent-free in your head. Take him out of your hear and head as the trash that he is.
The positive in all this?
YOU no longer have an immature liar and cheater as a partner! Congrats!!
YOU are now free to meet and date a BETTER man.
Don't wallow in the hurt. Yes, it sucks. Yes, it's part of life. Yes, we feel bad even when we lose a LOSER. In time though you will see that you CAN do SO much better than him.
Spend time with friends, hobbies and family.
And accept that you DATED a loser. It's Ok. Stop beating yourself up and set the bar a bit higher next time.
Chin up!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2024): He sounds like a narcissist or worse. I know that it is hard right now to be happy about this, but you dodged a bullet!
He would have led you on. And it would have been much harder for you later on.
He didn't move on. He was NEVER in a real relationship to begin with. You may have ignored some telltale signs. But maybe he was such a good liar, that you couldn't tell. It's probably a little bit of both.
You need to use this experience to your benefit and willingly move on. It will not just happen. Focus on yourself and what you want to do. Don't pay attention to him.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (23 February 2024):
 I know it does not feel like it now but time is the healer of all things and these feelings will soon dissipate and you will be free of any emotional attachment you have to him.
He betrayed your trust, he was horrible to you, so you could tell yourself that you dodged a bullet here, you are lucky you found out what he was when you did and it never went on any further than it did.
Trust is the most important factor that holds a relationship together, without trust a relationship is doomed to fail.
So he is in a relationship now, so what. Think yourself lucky your not still in a relationship with him and maybe feel sorry for the person he is dating because he will more than likely do the same to her.
You are free now to do what ever you want to do, you are free of this loser. Get out there and enjoy your life and do the things you love. Practice self love, learning to love yourself really is the greatest love of all.
Sooner or later you will meet someone nice who loves you more than anything, and probably when you least expect it.
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