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age
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writes: I'm just your normal, every day 17 year old girl. Sometimes I like to read erotic stories online. About two months ago, I stumbled upon this story where a teenage boy forced himself onto his sister, anally. I don't know why, but this turned me on more than a normal story, and occasionally I fantasized about it while I masturbated. Relatively normal, right? Well, a couple weeks ago I was looking for similar stories and I found one where a father basically anally rapes his daughter, and this one has gone to a whole new level. It quickly became just about the only thing I fantasized about when I masturbated. Still more or less normal, I think.Here's the problem. The last few times I've had sex with my boyfriend, I've been unable to orgasm until I rolled over onto my stomach (he didn't complain!) and imagined I was being anally raped in my head(to be clear, we're not having anal while I imagine it). This brings several questions to mind:1.Is this still remotely normal?2.Is this just a phase? Will I be able to orgasm without thinking about this again at some point?2a.Is there anything I could do to more quickly get to that point?3.Would it be a good idea to bring this up with my boyfriend?3a.How would I go about bringing it up with my boyfriend?4.Would my boyfriend completely freak out if I ask him to roleplay this fantasy? I'm not completely sure I want to go that far yet, but I think I would if I thought he was interested.5.Any other advice/thoughts/opinions would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 September 2013):
 Interesting to hear back from you after so long, and glad you found the advice helpful. I feel like I have to defend HOneypie a little though. Everyone needs to assume a bit when giving answers online, just because there is too little information to get out of a simple question. If the assumption is wrong, then ignore the advice. Others might assume right, and you can take that advice on board. Just because someone offers their opinion doesn't mean you have to take it to heart, if you feel it is based on the wrong assumption.
I got a scolding by my ex boyfriend a few times, for my use of the word "assume". Supposedly, it's called "presume", but not being a native English speaker I don't know the difference. All I know is that when provided with little information about the question asker we have to fill in the blanks ourselves. I wouldn't call it rude, I would call it necessary.
In this case though, it was more of different personal opinions than anything else. But you got a fair share of answers calling it normal, so getting one who thinks it isn't normal should be expected. Thankfully not everyone in the world thinks the same way, that would be boring.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionReal quick, two replies: YOS, you wrote wrote "The problem with rape fantasy is it is utterly unlike the reality of rape."Oh, on the contrary. That is the absolute best thing about rape fantasies, by far. In fact, it's the only good thing. It would be a much bigger problem if rape fantasies were anything like the reality of rape.And Honeypie, well, I'm not sure how to put my reaction to your answer into words. All I will do is kindly, respectfully ask that you NEVER again assume you know so much about a COMPLETE STRANGER. You have NO IDEA what I've been through, what my friends and family have gone through, what causes I devote my free time towards, and for you to presume that I don't know what real rape is or that I would do anything to diminish or justify it, or insult survivors of the act, when that couldn't be further from the truth...well, I'll just say that I hope you're never on the receiving end of somebody saying something so OFFENSIVE about you. I can tell you it doesn't feel good.Anyway, thanks to everybody else for their answers! I really mean it. I was able to sort everything out with your help.
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female
reader, when nothing goes right go left  +, writes (1 March 2013):
 you should think more about what you are actually fantasizing about because incest rape are both sick and the fact that you are yourself getting raped as a way to sexually turn you on is really worrying . And i doub't that your boyfriend will want to do this to you because rape is carried with the rapist feeling anger and hate and is trying to cause pain to their victim so why would someone who cared about you want to do
this. You should try and talk to someone and try and find out why this is turning you on because there has got to be a reason for it.
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male
reader, Hennessy1989 +, writes (1 March 2013):
 To anon, the girl is already having sex, so telling her not to try something because of her age is pretty pointless. I'd take the other advice. Keep this as a fantasy unless you can really trust your boyfriend and he is experienced enough to no if your enjoying it or not. Also think about the physical damage it could cause you. If done in the right way then you may be able to enjoy this fantasy with your boyfriend
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013): Young lady.I will tell you in my own person opinion and the experiance Ive given any females I went out with that yes it is normal and yes it is a comon fantasie for 50% of females.Now from the experiances Ive given females,is that it adds extra excitement to you sex life.You need to get the ok on trying to get your boyfriend to try it with you just as anal.Now he will have to go real easy on you as in slow since it will be your first time and after the first 3 times you will be use to it.Than see if hes ok with fulfilling your fantacy with role play.If he is,try it out and if you dont like it anymore than dont do it,but if you do and I personaly think you will,than it will give you and him several positions to do plus add excitement to your sex life and you will want it more and enjoy it alot.I promise you that.For leagal saftey warnings,DO NOT PUT YOURSELF IN THAT RISK AT ALL AND OR WITH ANYONE THAT YOU JUST MET AND OR DONT KNOW.Other than that,you have fun and remember,get him to go slow the first 3 times.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2013): I can't believe some people telling her to try anal sex!!!! she is a young 16/17 yr old girl..I wonder if anyone would like there daughter getting up to this at such a young vunerable age.??? At this age it should be about getting to really know your partner before even considering sex let alone ANAL! Please read the ages before you give advice, as I think it's inappropriate to say the least.............
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (28 February 2013):
 Rape fantasy is common.
Anal sex fantasy is common
I've seen so much written porn with incest (years and years ago even) that I'm going to say it's common....
(although for me it's not on my plate)
If you want to end this fantasy honey... just have anal sex
DO NOT.... and I wish I had bold and bigger letters to stress this DO NOT enact the FANTASY of ANAL RAPE. you would probably end up needing surgery to repair anal fissures at the bare minimum.
Ask your boyfriend how he feels about it and if he's game for it we can get you all the tips you need. Thankfully when I in my very early 30s I was introduced to it properly (having attempted it in the past with guys who had NO clue how to do it) and can give you great pointers if you like.
Anal sex is not anal rape.
Anal sex even when done PROPERLY with care and love is not comfortable for most women. Not during and not after... and it may not be comfortable for days... and that's with a loving caring partner.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (28 February 2013):
Yes, you're normal. It is totally normal to have sexual fantasies. Everyone has sexual fantasies. Not everyone fantasize about the same thing, we each have our preferences. But in general, people do like to think about non-realistic fantasies. It's quite logical, when you think about it, why would you fantasize about things you actually CAN do... Anyway, you don't want to be anally raped, and especially not by a member of your family. But the idea is forbidden, and it's doing the trick for you. As long as it stays just a fantasy and you don't deliberately put yourself at risk of being raped just to live it out.. then it's all fine.
And yeah, what you fantasize will change over the years.
And no, you shouldn't bring this up with your boyfriend until you're so close that you can tell him dirty little secrets and he can tell you his... But considering your ages I think it's better not to tell, because boys his age are immature and he might go tell someone and it'll be embarrassing for you.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 February 2013):
 I agree with YOS.
I think there are fantasies and then there are reality. Having fantasies can be healthy enough, but when it comes to the point where you CAN NOT enjoy intimacy without having to think up fantasies, something is up and it is NOT healthy.
RAPE is an odd fantasy for a woman, to be frank. Anal and incestuous rape even more so. I do NOT think they are "normal" at all. Maybe because of the taboo about all 3 subjects it's started to turn you on, but I really think you are not grasping the whole idea of Erotica. And quite frankly I think you need to dial back on the rape fantasy. One thing is submission fantasies, but rape is NEVER EVER sexy or even about sex, it's about humiliation, degradation, power and control. Why else would thousands of women be DEVASTATED from having gone through these things? You are totally desensitizing yourself and in the same breath justifying rape (because it's "just" a fantasy") No, rape is NOT a fantasy it is cruel and inhuman.
If you want to be subdued in the bedroom, I think you should look into more of either sub/dom play or bondage, but again this is NOT really meant for teens who are JUST starting out on their sexual journey, mainly because without knowing enough you can seriously damage yourself, your partner and your own attitude towards sex.
It's OK to want a little "kink" but you really HAVE to do it with someone that you can trust 100% and someone who can say no, stop or who wants the same thing.
It's OK to do a little role-play, but in all honesty I think the rape scenario is a little sick. I'm pretty sure you and your BF can find some other scenario that can turn you on.
I have known several girls who were raped and I know the IMPACT it had on them, when you say this turns you on, I feel like you are insulting what they went through, that you are saying rape is OK if the woman "wants it". IT should NEVER be OK. I know that isn't your intention, but maybe YOU should read some accounts of what women/children/youngsters have GONE through and maybe understand that it isn't something to fantasize about.
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (28 February 2013):
 Here is the thing. THey are right when it comes to you being able to be desensitized.However, if you actually TRUST your boyfriend enough, you can do it. It is all about trust and setting up a system where there can be communication.Things not to do...1. Don't be gagged and tied up2. Don't say to him, "don't stop when I say stop"3. have a safe word, aka word where when you say it, everything stops. 4. Don't do it if he is not smart.5. Do it from a position where you can get away if you need to. Me and my girlfriend do stuff like that occasionally. I will do a rear naked choke hold and do her anally. However, I have LOTS of experience with sex and know to stop and can read when I need to stop before she says it, etc.That takes time, practice, COMMUNICATION, and skill.Questions to ask yourself as well.Does he abuse me?Does he verbally abuse me?Does he think he can do what he wants to me? Does he try to control me?Did you answer any of these questions with a yes? If so, then you have to leave him and should definitely NOT do this. As far as your orgasms. Have you only been able to orgasm on your stomach? Or, are you saying that you can't orgasm anymore unless you are on your stomach? If this is truly desensitizing you, as I said earlier, don't do it. If it is not desensitizing you, and you answered all the questions I asked in an honest way, and he is not abusive, etc., then go for it.
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (28 February 2013):
 This isn't just rape fantasy, it also seems like incest.
The problem with rape fantasy is it is utterly unlike the reality of rape.
The reality is truly awful. I once read an account written by a teenage girl who was anally raped by two men. It brought me to tears in horror, and in sympathy for her, and sickened me to my stomach. I stumbled upon a series of accounts of the rapes, going on now, in the Congo, by gangs of soldiers / gangsters at gunpoint. Many of the women end up physically maimed and crippled, and all are severely emotionally damaged. Rape is a little bit about sex, and a lot about power and violence.
I have a close female friend who was raped as a teenager. It took her 20 years to get over it and many highly dysfunctional relationships with unsuitable men in the process. It started out as fun but escalated beyond her control.
Fantasy is fine as long as it's not confused with reality. This is ten times as important in the case of rape fantasy. Be very very careful. If you can find things less extreme to stimulate you you'll be better off.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (28 February 2013):
 HI
Although it's normal to have some out there fantasies, that's what they are. Some times you have to keep them to yourself and this is that time. I think your boyfriend will be pretty freaked out by that. Of course it don't mean you want that actually to happen, it just means it's sooo different from what is average sex that it can be a turn on. I would try to read some different erotic novels if you want to move these thoughts from your head quicker. Also you are still very young so your hormones are all over the place this will settle down, so just be careful on wanting to try things out, you may regret it and that is something you can take back once done. Personally I would steer clear from any erotic or porn books/films at your age as this gives a false security about love and sexual pleasure. This is way beyound your needs right night. But no there is nothing wrong with for having fantasies as long as thats how you keep them untill you understand properly the meaning to all this.
Good luck
Mandy x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2013): Honey, you need to clean it up. I understand it's a fantasy, but for many women and men, this has become a reality and it has scared them for life...sexual abuse is very serious and not something you want to roll play in. When a man rapes a women, his sexual arousal is about hurting the women, not the actual sex...that is the mind of a sick individual.Many women and men who have been sexually abused by a family member or close family friend often grow up being prostitutes, get into porn, sell their bodies, allow men to continue to abuse them or begin abusing others themselves...their life and how they feel about themselves is nothing, so they put themselves out there for men to abuse because they think it's normal and all they can do....men just look at them as objects to have sex with...they do not see the abuse and the kind of life they've grown up in.Please stop watching porn if this is what you are getting as your sex education...porn is intended primarily for men and often it's about degrading women and had nothing to do with an intimate sexual relationship between two people who love each other.
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