A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HiOkay, I'm going to keep the introduction 'til my problem as short as possible. Please bear with me because I could really use some advice. I had a very rough childhood, bullied a lot and extreme. Then a couple of really bad things happened to my family and due to all this I had to grow up really fast. My first serious boyfriend was bad. He hurt me emotionally and all my self-esteem was gone. I had trouble with orgasms (it just didn't happen). At the time it wasn't a problem for me, but he made it a problem. He told me I wasn't woman enough and all that sh*t. He broke it off with me and I was to cowardly to do it myself, but nevertheless, I was devastated. My second boyfriend was very sweet, but really shy and it never happened with him. He helped me to get over my insecurities en we broke it off amiable after almost 4 years. Now I'm in a new relationship and I'm very scared I'll do something wrong. When we had sex for the first time, I really thought it was just a one-nighter for him and I didn't hold that much importance for him. I was mistaken. We're 4 months along and still together and it's going good in all aspects except the sex. I faked an orgasm our first night together , because I thought he wouldn't come back to me and I wanted to look like a very experienced someone. We stayed together and when he's 'doing me' he tries very long and I just can't come and I feel bad about it. I fake again and again, just so he could get on with his pleasure and doesn't have to focus on mine so much. I wanted to tell him I faked it as subtle as possible by explaining my past boyfriends etc. He talked about his ex and then he suddenly told me and I quote: "I just can't understand women who have trouble with cumming, I mean, my ex could come in a couple of minutes and it's not too hard with you. I think there's just something wrong with them in their head or something like that. All women should come easily." You can imagine I shut my mouth and was too scared to tell it. But as time passes on I'm finding it harder and harder. Sometimes I'm really close to coming, but then he changes his moves. We barely have any foreplay, he wants to get direct down to business and sometimes I'm not even wet and it hurts. In the four months we're together he did oral sex with me 3 times and it's always short and he's rough and goes direct to my clit. There's never any teasing or drawing out the pleasure. He can last long in bed, but the last couple of weeks he comes quicker than ever. We almost had sex every day and now barely one or 2 times a week. You probably wonder why I just don't tell him, but I'm really scared. I faked with my first boyfriend and told him and he was really mad and I tried giving my now-boyfriend directions but he forgets it as soon as we are having sex. I can come by myself 1, 2 or even 3 times. I really don't know what to do! Should I tell him I fake? Or should I just keep trying giving him directions until he gets it right and then I'll never have to tell him I faked 'cause he can do it to me for real now? And why does he seem less interested in sex? A half hour ago I dressed a little bit sexy and I started kissing him and then he said: "Not now, maybe tonight." But yesterday he had no trouble with me giving him a blowjob and he never reciprocates! I'm feeling really down now, please give me some advice? It already helps by telling my story. Thanks!
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blow-job, bullied, foreplay, his ex, kissing, my ex, oral sex, orgasm, shy, teasing Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (28 February 2013):
 We (guys) know that ALL you girls fake your orgasms..... and we allow for it...
WE, on the other hand, fake "relationships" so that you will keep putting out for us......
Good luck (not fake).....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2013): "I just can't understand women who have trouble with cumming, I mean, my ex could come in a couple of minutes and it's not too hard with you. I think there's just something wrong with them in their head or something like that. All women should come easily."
Your boyfriend is a fucking idiot. His ex girlfriend most likely faked it too by the sounds of things or he's just a complete liar.
OP you sound like you don't know very much about a woman's body otherwise you wouldn't feel the need to fake it and you wouldn't think you needed to orgasm during sex.
75-80% of you cannot orgasm from penetration alone OP, if it's not happened to you it's most likely not going to happen.
Now what sucks for you is that your boyfriend is either painfully inexperienced or an arrogant dick, because guess what? He's shit at sex. He's so bad and so clueless that I cannot see how his ex ever had a orgasm with him. How is it he was so "amazing" with her yet can't even figure out a simple little thing like foreplay?
OP you need to get rid of this idea that there's something wrong with your body, you're trying to get something most women can never get, orgasm through intercourse without some form of clitoral stimulation. You know how to orgasm, Mr. Awesome Sex hasn't got a clue and he won't even listen, he's so fucking stupid he actually thinks the female orgasm is the easies thing in the world, you know what, his ex must have definitely faked it or he's lying.
You're not great with one girl and then just completely inept with the next. Trust me, I've slept with nearly a 100 of them. The only woman I couldn't make orgasm where women who had never achieved it before themselves no matter what they tried, what's my trick? Getting them to show me what they need if what I'm doing is not working.
Here's what you do.
1) read up on the subject of the orgasm through intercourse, read a few different sources and get the facts.
2) Tell him you were faking the whole time, that he hasn't actually made you orgasm, not even once because he refuses to listen to you when you tell him what you need.
If he tries to tell you some bullshit about his ex, and it's not him it's you, then inform him with your new knowledge that she was most likely faking too. Tell him you're a woman, you know how a woman's body works and he obviously doesn't if he thinks there must be something wrong with a woman who can't orgasm in the space of a few minutes during sex.
3) Tell him he doesn't give you enough foreplay at all, that it should be the main course and intercourse is the dessert. Tell him you're not fulfilled sexually because he ignores anything you tell him you need and he's just not getting it right on his own.
4) tell him the sex has gotten really infrequent and not nearly enough.
5) Tell him you're no longer going to beg for it and you'r no longer going to give him BJ's because your sex life is so one sided.
OP I really think you should dump the guy though, you're just not compatible sexually and he really doesn't give a damn about pleasuring you at all. He's selfish, lazy and arrogant, tries to make it sound like there's something wrong with a woman who can't orgasm easily, when in fact the ones who can are a small percentage.
You can do better OP. But the most important thing here is you educate yourself on the workings of female sexuality, you can't possibly make your sex life better if you don't all the facts.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (28 February 2013):
 Talk to him about it.
IF something doesn't change leave him
It is ok to leave someone, because they are not willing to satisfy you.
It is ok.
So, now that you know what you need to do.
Do it!
You can talk to a BILLION people, but if you don't talk to him with force and make him understand what you need, nothing will happen.
If he doesn't listen, leave him.
And yes, tell him you fake.
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