A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i wish to be happier but I find it hard to trust people as I have had many friends and boyfriends bertay my trust. I still am a happy girl inside but recently I have become very negative because people treat me awfully sometimes (i am patient too)..sometimes i worry over small silly things, is it normal to have a 'negative' attitude when you have been treated badly through various stages of your life? dont get me wrong i LOVE life and im always happy and love to laugh at things. I just feel i don't deserve this treatment as I am friendly and apparently a good looking girl. guys chat me up all the time but I fall for the wrong ones.. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): I don't think it's unreasonable to have negative periods in your life when you've been let down a lot in the past but being treated badly is a cycle that you do have the power to break to a certain extent. The world will always be full of people who will treat you badly if you let them. The trick is not to let them. As the very first noter said, try to remember that each day is a new fresh start. My personal belief is that holding onto the past is rarely a good thing and however badly you've been treated, it is in your own power to put all that hurt behind you and start taking responsiblity for your own happiness. I'm not suggesting any of the above is easy but there will come a day where it starts to make sense to you.
A
female
reader, Rae1031  +, writes (1 February 2009):
This is a problem that probably started way back in your childhood. I know this because I am exactly like you. Although I truly love people and life as a whole, I often get hurt. I always go into relationships with the best of intentions and people usually love me at first. When push comes to shove and I find myself in a position where I need a friend to be there for me and care about me I usually find myself alone. I also find that while my loyalty and dependability are often the qualities that prevail in my relationships with others and it is normaly the reason why people attract to me to begin with, the loyalty and dependability is rarely returned. If I show that I am upset or hurt over the actions and betrayls of others, I am often refered to as "stupid" or a "doormat". It is as if I am being ridaquiled for my own attempts to be a good person and suddenly I feel like the "bad guy" who deserves it. The amazing part is that the same people who have let me down tend to give there loyalties to people who are not willing to be very loyal to them. When they find themselves let down, well they are back at my door and the cycle repeats. I am just now starting to figure out that while I am not the "bad guy" nor do I deserve this treatment, it is my own actions that are causing me to be treated this way. When two people enter into a relationship of any kind, each person's roles in that relationship are established and defined right from the start. So, if you enter into the relationship doing everything you can to please the other person even if you do not mind because you like them and you are happy to do it and you want them to know that you are sincere so you ask for and expect nothing out of them in return then nothing is what you will get. You are making it clear to them right from the start that this relationship is all about you being there for them and doing things for them. You appear prefectly happy to play this role, so they do not feel bad. When the time comes where you do need for them to be there for you, they actually do not even notice it. You have already established that your only desire in the reltaionship is to be at their becon call. So they leave you alone to deal with "your problems" and believe that they are doing something nice for you by giving you a break from them. Then they show up at your door again when they need you because they again assume that you are happy to be there for them at all cost and they are pleasing you by showing up and asking something of you. This is so hard to understand and even harder to change, but it did probably start early on in life when an adult or some kind of authority figure made you feel as if you and all your efforts just where not good enough and you must try harder and harder to please them if you want to "earn" their acceptance. Since these beliefs where installed in you early on, this is what sets the basis for your current beliefs of what you should be putting into and getting out of every relationship that you enter. It is much easier to identify these issues then it is to change them. You will need counceling. Please get the help you need so that you can learn how to maintain and enjoy normal healthy relationships in your own life. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, huneygyrl +, writes (1 February 2009):
 It is a common reaction for negative attitude when betrayal is involved. I speak of experience. I did have the negative attitude, remain to still not trust people, stay away from relationships, dating...the whole works because of the betrayal of who I thought loved and care for me and my daughter (soon to be kids). But I can't let my past work upon my present. However, our past does get to us. Be strong. Think positive thoughts. Just do what's important in your life and let the right ones bless you. Good luck!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): It is normal but don't let them get to you. Each day is another fresh start. Let the past remain in the past, remember what you learned and pray for a better tommorrow. Just remember to look for similar qualities between bad exes and potential bfs
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