A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have just had the most beautiful baby boy who I am just besotted with. I am so blessed. But I am terrified of something awful happening him. Everytime I am enjoying him, I am consumed by this fear. I don't sleep, I stay awake just to make sure he is breathing. I know I cant go on as I am no good to him as a nervous wreck, but I can't shake this fear. I am even terrified of feeding him incase he chokes and I have nightmares about dropping him etc. Should I see a counsellor, or is it normal to be anxious as I am a first time mom? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 November 2015):
 It's normal. I did it with baby #1 and #2 and... #3.
My oldest was a crappy sleeper - woke a lot, ate often, had colic, slept in bursts. So WHEN she did sleep, I kept checking on her. Then baby #2 arrived. She slept like a champ, ate like on as well, and again, because I was not used to her sleeping 4-5 hours in a go (from birth) I kept checking on her. Baby #3 was a lot like #2 but didn't sleep quite as well/long, so again... I checked on her.
A lot of the things we do (as new moms) are instinctual and that can feel a bit foreign.
Learning to trust yourself and your skills will take time. But know this, moms don't drop their babies (in general) and neither will you.
If you aren't sure his food is easy for him to eat, break it up in smaller bites. There are so many "snack"/"food" options out there that can make it easier for you to find stuff that he can/will eat. All tried and trusted by moms.
TALK to your GP and if you have a midwife/consultant that comes check on you - ask them questions.
There is a lot to learn, but you will get it.
Like napping/sleeping when HE sleeps ( a rested mom is a "better" mom - a relaxed mom is a "better" mom).
The best part is, KIDS don't know that you don't know everything! They just love you.
You can do this. So give yourself a break, catch up on your sleep and try and relax.
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (30 November 2015):
 Well, like everyone always says babies don't arrive with a set of instructions. My experience is that they are quite robust. You clearly care a lot about your new arrival so I think it should all be fine.
When I visited Finland they wrap the babies up and put them out in the fresh air, even though it's minus 30C. My daughter ate sand at one year old. She was fine. It just went straight through. So babies can tolerate quite a lot before they are at rusk.
Other mums will advise you about this so I suggest a Mums and Babies group could be a good way to pool experience and have a chat at the same time. Probably the post natal clinic can direct you to one.
I think you will become more relaxed as time goes by. You develop a sixth sense for potentially dangerous situations. It is also worth remembering that a reasonable level of risk is acceptable as they grow older. Falling out of trees or off skateboards is part of their learning process. You have to learn to judge when to let go and when to be protective.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2015): Oh you wonderful first time mum!Yes its totally normal..and yes you need to destress.Are you getting any postnatal care because midwives usually pop round to check its all going smoothly and you can confide these very normal worries.Unfortunately the fashions as to how you lay the baby down to avoid problems vary.I don't really like on the back because baby has no strength to change position and has to swallow any regurgitated milk.I don't like on the belly because baby has no strength to move if baby feels its lungs getting heavy and again if milk comes back up baby ends up lying in it face down.I like baby on baby's side neatly tucked in with a tight sheet so baby doesn't have to swallow what comes up and it just dribbles into an unsightly mess on the lower sheet, but as I am not a midwife my preference means nothing to anyone.I guess you need to book an extra session with the midwife who will check you've got it all sorted and good luck to you in these early days where there is no such thing as a perfect mum or a perfect baby for more than a two second photo shoot.,.
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