A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal to be really really horrible to someone who has verbally, physically, financially and emotionally abused you? When you just can't take anymore? To the point where I scream and shout at that person everyday and never used to be that way. Do they start to understand what they have done to you? Even when they try to talk nicely with you, you still rage at them. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (17 May 2016):
Question....
Did all that yelling and screaming fix the problem? Do you feel better about yourself? Has it made the person you are mad at a better person?
What good has it done for you?
If you are trying to get your point across, yelling and screaming is pointless. Sitting down and having a good solid conversation on the matter will be better for everyone.
I am sure you would not like it if you were speaking nicely to someone and they were yelling and screaming at you.
Never create enemies. The day may come when you are in serious trouble, and the same person you were screaming at, maybe the only one that can help you.
If that person was that mean to you, turning around and doing the same thing to them, makes you...
Simply move on. Get away from such people. No need to raise your blood pressure.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2016): I was exactly like this. I found it emotionally exhausting after a while. I think the reason I did it was to make him leave. It worked. Probably because I was fighting back and he was losing control of me. I'm free now and I'm calmer and happier. I think you should get out of your relationship. It will be very hard but will be worth it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2016): Being pushed to the brink until you have nothing to lose, but your temper? Hell yeah! The only problem is, as a child you may lay a helpless victim to such abuse. As an adult, you have the power to remove yourself and survive on your own.
Screaming and raging doesn't undo what has been done. It's venting frustration and fury. Remaining in a situation until you're totally destroyed, is in most instances a choice. Unless you're held hostage or imprisoned.
For battered and/or abused women, it's paralyzing fear and traumatic-conditioning that makes them not want to leave.
They've been conditioned to believe they can't live without him, or at some point he'll change. They even fault themselves for the things he does, and will even protect him. Then there's women like you who finally have enough.
Yet, you've stayed until you're so damaged you're afraid to leave. You fear the unknown and being alone. You feel so vulnerable and traumatized, you're not sure you can survive alone.
Bad marriages, dysfunctional-families, and abusive relationships trap people; and for some reason they feel they can't get out. It does takes anger and rebellion. The decision that enough is enough; but all the anger is futile, if no action is taken to leave the situation.
There must be a course of action taken to become whole again. Be it through seeking legal protection, litigation; then mental rehabilitation. A combination of all three is what it takes to heal and become functional again. You can't let anger overtake you, that's an indication that you may be severely damaged. Leaving and seeking professional help for all of the above is the only option.
I've witnessed the worse. It's only hopeless when people don't find the strength to get out. Being horrible to someone may be an indication you've allowed them to turn you into the monster they are. So don't allow that to happen to you. Focus your energy on getting your self out and to a better environment. Anger will burn you out!
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (16 May 2016):
 Dang right its normal! After 4 violations of abuse you’re bound to explode into rage. Had you received TLC from this person and exploded into rage, then it would have been abnormal of you.
Sure give 'em a good dose of their own horrible abusive nature. Only up to a certain point. We don't want to land on the wrong side of the law by giving a receipt for their physical abuse.
I surmise you've suffered this someone who's hurt you like that for some time. This could be from a parent or partner. What happens inside your head is a fight or flight response... A realisation this is enough BS!
Here you finally reached you're limit and it’s like having a nervous break-down. By retaliating with rage, you release the pressure cooker valve inside your head. You keep raging at them because you’re sick and tied of the lies… nothing is making any sense? No doubt they make you look/feel crazy, blame you and try the smooth talk to keep you imprisoned when you should be running.
Sadly they do understand but not like normal people, they do feel remorse (briefly) and try to talk nicely (the honeymoon phase); until the abuse cycle begins again and again and again and again... Fact is it stops when someone is either dead or gone.
I hope you’re not buying into their smooth talk, because it’s you who needs to understand abuse is not acceptable, if they don’t!? (Have the Police ever been called?)
Give yourself a chance at (30-35) to be happy, you need to leave and breathe in some fresh air. Look into getting Counselling and new surrounds.
I wish you Peace NOT R.I.P – CAA
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (16 May 2016):
 I would say its very common to feel the way that you do. My ex husband was an alcoholic, a liar, a cheater, he ruined us financially by defaulting payments on a house, a new car, he was emotionally abusive to both of our children and myself and put us through years of absolute hell before I was able to get away. None of us can stand him. I can't even stand to hear his drunken voice when he calls on the phone. The sight of him (on the rare occasions when I see him makes my physically ill). I like nothing about him. You can forgive but I can't forget what he put us all through because he loved alcohol more than he loved anything else. He sometimes tries to be nice to me but I don't want to hear anything he has to say because everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie.
I hope that you are making plans to get far far away from this person that has done this to you! The type of person you are speaking of is like a slow poison and it will slowly weave its way through your entire body. Please get out and get far away for your own sake!
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